I highly recommend this book:
The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child
Following this method has worked WONDERS for us. Sending ds to his room never ever worked with him. It just made things escalate horribly. What worked for us was (1) Practice staying calm. So, at a time where ds was not at all upset, we pretended to do something that normally made him explode. For example, we pretended we were playing wii and it was time to turn it off. Then we practiced putting our remotes away and staying calm. (2) Immediate positive reinforcement. When we practiced and when he stayed calm in a real situation, we praised him enthusiastically, gave him a hug/high 5, gave him a sticker so he could pick a prize out of the prize bin. [Our prizes were small toys, tickets for extra bedtime stories, things like that]
This method worked on day one. It was amazing. Before this, we had been going nuts. We were so stressed from these huge tantrums that my hair was falling out and dh developed an ulcer! But using the practice/immediate positive reinforcement really worked to help ds learn to stay calm and got him out of this negative funk he was in. I was hesitant about the prize thing at first, but it really wasn't needed beyond a couple weeks. The kids started forgetting to claim prizes and we eventually moved to a "no tantrum all day" sticker chart. The prize bin became an "ideas for fun things to do" bin for when the kids are bored.
I got the book from our local library and it also comes with a DVD (helpful for getting dh on board because he wouldn't have had time to read the book).
The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child
Following this method has worked WONDERS for us. Sending ds to his room never ever worked with him. It just made things escalate horribly. What worked for us was (1) Practice staying calm. So, at a time where ds was not at all upset, we pretended to do something that normally made him explode. For example, we pretended we were playing wii and it was time to turn it off. Then we practiced putting our remotes away and staying calm. (2) Immediate positive reinforcement. When we practiced and when he stayed calm in a real situation, we praised him enthusiastically, gave him a hug/high 5, gave him a sticker so he could pick a prize out of the prize bin. [Our prizes were small toys, tickets for extra bedtime stories, things like that]
This method worked on day one. It was amazing. Before this, we had been going nuts. We were so stressed from these huge tantrums that my hair was falling out and dh developed an ulcer! But using the practice/immediate positive reinforcement really worked to help ds learn to stay calm and got him out of this negative funk he was in. I was hesitant about the prize thing at first, but it really wasn't needed beyond a couple weeks. The kids started forgetting to claim prizes and we eventually moved to a "no tantrum all day" sticker chart. The prize bin became an "ideas for fun things to do" bin for when the kids are bored.
I got the book from our local library and it also comes with a DVD (helpful for getting dh on board because he wouldn't have had time to read the book).
