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ear piercing  

post #1 of 19
10/20/08 at 5:22pm
Thread Starter 
I know this is a very controversial topic with some people, but my goal with this thread is to generate some discussion from people who have BTDT. I do not want to get into any debate.

My 6 yr. old is asking me to have her ears pierced. I have been putting her off for about 18 months, but she is being quite persistent about it. I have been thinking about making it a big deal and doing it for her 7th birthday (in Dec.). I am concerned about her ability to leave them alone, to keep them clean, etc. What has been your experience with this?
post #2 of 19
10/20/08 at 5:26pm
That was the age when dd asked me too, and I did exactly what you're contemplating - made a big deal out of it for her 7th birthday. She got a lecture at the piercing place on how to take care of them. She did end up with a couple of infections but she asked me for help in dealing with them and they cleared up nicely. She's 14 now.
post #3 of 19
10/20/08 at 5:38pm
DH and I decided that dd could only have her ears pierced when it was clear to us that she would be able to independently, consistently and correctly care for them. She's shown herself to be totally on top of all of her personal care (showering, teeth, combing hair) without being nagged to do so for at least the last six months or so, so we will be allowing her to get her ears pierced this coming month, which coincides with her 9th birthday.

That was the marker that seemed the most logical to us, rather than some arbitrary age or event.
post #4 of 19
10/20/08 at 5:49pm
when you do get them pierced, go to a professional piercer who will use a single use needle in each ear followed by high quality jewlery.
DO NOT get them pierced by a gun. they are dirty unsterize, cannot be cleaned properly to prevent infections like hep b and HIV, and they damage the delicate tissue.
if you need help finding a local professional piercer you can go to the APP website
post #5 of 19
10/20/08 at 5:54pm
My dd who is 6 has been asking as well for around 8 months, I said to her that I would only get her ears pierced at a professional piercers and if I could find that said piercer then that was fine with me, we have made numerous calls but they just won't do it on someone so young, she now understands and has decided to wait unless we can find someone who will pierce them properly we're waiting ....
post #6 of 19
10/20/08 at 6:38pm
When I was 7 I was perfectly capable of keeping them clean & loved changing my earrings. When they are first pierced (the first 6 weeks) she will probably need a little extra help keeping them clean as that is the most critical period. After that they tend to be pretty low maintenance.
post #7 of 19
10/20/08 at 9:30pm
I have a friend who got her persistent 4 year old's ears pierced because she was begging for a long time and it worked out fine. i have a friend who let her reluctant 13 year old get them done because of peer pressure and one ear got terribly infected. Age isn't necessarily the only issue. I'd say readiness and desire factor in big time.

I wanted mine pierced when I was 6. I begged for years and then ran out and got them done illegally as soon as I had a chance. It worked out okay, but I'm not sure that my parents' decision made for the best outcome. Both my sister and I got our ears pierced against their wishes and out of rebellion. I think if a reasonable age were given - whether that would have been 7 or 12, at least I would have had something to look forward to and not have sought out more dangerous scenarios.
post #8 of 19
10/20/08 at 9:51pm
My dd1 asked starting at age 5 or 6. Asked continually for years. Our rule is 12. We relented at 11.5 because a dear friend's dd wanted her ears pierced for her 12th birthday but wanted to do it together with my dd.

Nothing but problems as her ears are sensitive to most all earrings. Infections and ears closing and trips to the pediatrician and teary mornings when she couldn't get one earring through her ear. She has said - more than once - that she is SO glad I didn't let her have her ears pierced when she asked all those times when she was younger.

Dd2 and dd3 will wait til 12 too. I think it is a cool rite of passage type thing - like wearing a little makeup or low heels. It is a middle school thing at our house.
post #9 of 19
10/21/08 at 1:46am
I wanted that to be DD's first big-girl decision. So when she asked at age 5, I said yes. We talked about it for 2 months (to make sure it was what she wanted, about hygiene) and then got it done (she was almost 6, actually). We had no problems, she didn't even cry. She took care of them really well and we only bought a few really good pair of earrings (studs only). She doesn't wear them much anymore, though.


Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenmommy
I have been thinking about making it a big deal and doing it for her 7th birthday (in Dec.).
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but don't you think it will be a bigger deal to her if you let her make this decision instead of controlling it. I mean, if you're going to let her anyway, why don't you let her have the choice of when? I think that means much more than just pinning it to a birthday.
post #10 of 19
10/21/08 at 9:33am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
I wanted that to be DD's first big-girl decision. So when she asked at age 5, I said yes. We talked about it for 2 months (to make sure it was what she wanted, about hygiene) and then got it done (she was almost 6, actually). We had no problems, she didn't even cry. She took care of them really well and we only bought a few really good pair of earrings (studs only). She doesn't wear them much anymore, though.




I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but don't you think it will be a bigger deal to her if you let her make this decision instead of controlling it. I mean, if you're going to let her anyway, why don't you let her have the choice of when? I think that means much more than just pinning it to a birthday.
Well, I guess that's just it. She would go do it yesterday, if she could. My question relates to the wisdom of letting her do it now, as opposed to say, when she is 12, 15, or 18, and better able to take care of them. She is very mature and responsible for her age (I have had lots of people tell me she is more like an 8 yr. old than a 6 yr. old), and I think she would do her best with taking care of the hole. I am sure I would have to help her, but I know she would really take it seriously. I am feeling out the wisdom of allowing such a young child to get her ears pierced so that I can give her the freedom to choose to do it now, or wait until later.

We will be with her cousins for her birthday, and she would probably love to go do it then, which is another reason I had for tying it to her birthday. Birthdays are a big deal for us; they are milestones that provide a natural time to allow greater freedoms/privileges.

Here's another question: I have extremely sensitive ears. I got mine pierced at 18, they got horribly infected, and since then, I've only ever been able to wear high-end gold earrings. Is there any likelihood that DD will experience complications like that, just because I did? Is there a genetic link? (Ok, that is probably a stupid question, but it is a small worry that has been nagging at the back of my mind for awhile!)

Thanks for the reminder to use a professional piercer. I was actually thinking about getting a Dr. to do it for us, just to minimize any potential for infection. Also, I think maybe I will start talking (again) to DD about the importance of taking care of her piercings.
post #11 of 19
10/21/08 at 10:27am
My older two dd's got their ears pierced when they wanted to. My oldest dd has developmental delays and would not talk to us for the first few years. She loved earrings though, she (without talking) even got me to wear them again after not wearing them for years! So when she made it clear that she wanted her ears pierced at 2 1/2 I told her that as soon as she comes to me and says "I want my ears pierced please mommy" I would take her right away. This was a huge goal to work towards b/c she did not have anything more than a few two word phrases and this was a whooping 7 words! Well, one day she came home from school right after she turned 3 and said it as clear as can be! I was blown away and of course held my promise!

After she had her ears pierced my then 2 year old expressed an interest as well. She has a very strong personallity and as much as I did not want to do it that young I knew it would not be worth the battle b/c we would just end up doing it in a few months anyway. With her it took me a while to get used to it b/c to me she looked like a baby with her ears pierced and I do not like that at all! But, of course she grew into them and after a while I didn't see it like that anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenmommy View Post
Well, I guess that's just it. She would go do it yesterday, if she could. My question relates to the wisdom of letting her do it now, as opposed to say, when she is 12, 15, or 18, and better able to take care of them. She is very mature and responsible for her age (I have had lots of people tell me she is more like an 8 yr. old than a 6 yr. old), and I think she would do her best with taking care of the hole. I am sure I would have to help her, but I know she would really take it seriously. I am feeling out the wisdom of allowing such a young child to get her ears pierced so that I can give her the freedom to choose to do it now, or wait until later.
IMO a child of any age 2, 5, 6, 9, 15, even 18 is not responsible enough to properly care for a new piercing. No matter how mature, seriously. Remember yourself at those ages? Or the child who "promises" to feed the dog, fish, etc? These are children, even the older ones have way to much in their lives to commit to that type of care. I think a parent should always be involved with proper care and cleaning of a new and healing piercing.


Quote:
Here's another question: I have extremely sensitive ears. I got mine pierced at 18, they got horribly infected, and since then, I've only ever been able to wear high-end gold earrings. Is there any likelihood that DD will experience complications like that, just because I did? Is there a genetic link? (Ok, that is probably a stupid question, but it is a small worry that has been nagging at the back of my mind for awhile!)

Thanks for the reminder to use a professional piercer. I was actually thinking about getting a Dr. to do it for us, just to minimize any potential for infection. Also, I think maybe I will start talking (again) to DD about the importance of taking care of her piercings.
Your ears probably got infected from the piercing itself rather than from the jewelry. Or maybe you have a nickel allergy? New piercings should be stainless steel posts....not gold or silver.
I have a nickel allergy and I am very careful about what I put into my dd's ears. I even stay away from gold b/c for me that is the worst trigger for a rash. They do occasionally get the cutesie Claires earring but I take them out at the end of the day. We have never had a problem.
post #12 of 19
10/21/08 at 10:51am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenmommy View Post
Here's another question: I have extremely sensitive ears. I got mine pierced at 18, they got horribly infected, and since then, I've only ever been able to wear high-end gold earrings. Is there any likelihood that DD will experience complications like that, just because I did? Is there a genetic link?
I feel like there is. Environmental allergies are inherited, after all. My mom and I both got our ears pierced the summer I was 13. We both have horrible problems with the piercings getting infected. I finally gave up and don't wear earrings anymore.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with this yet. My 6.5-yo DD wants to get her ears pierced one of these days, but (as of now) seems content to wait until she's 13. I agree with Kirsten, that it's nice if it's a rite of passage thing, around the same time as makeup.
post #13 of 19
10/21/08 at 1:57pm
If she's in a school she probably wants it done because other girls have pierced ears. I would probably let her do it if she seems truly ready. I have always said my daughter (age 6) can gets her ears pierced when SHE is ready and no matter what age I will make sure she is very sure about it first and explain it all to her and if she wants to do it then she can do it. Hopefully she'll wait til she's a teenager but the main thing is that it is HER choice since they are her ears.
post #14 of 19
10/21/08 at 2:23pm
In our house, you have to be 7 to get your ears pierced. It's totally arbitrary and based on when I got mine done as a kid. My older dd had been asking for ages, and dh and I agreed 7 was okay (fine w/me but he had to think about it for awhile). I took her to a professional piercer on her birthday and she had no problems at all. Her ears healed very quickly and she was definitely old enough and capable enough to care for her ears.

My youngest will be 7 next month and can't wait for her ears to be pierced. It's almost a rite of passage for her She's very excited and is also more than ready to care for her ears afterwards.

I don't think we would've allowed either dd to get their ears pierced if they weren't ready to care for their piercings. If you think your dd is ready and you're fine w/her getting her ears pierced, then that's all that matters.
post #15 of 19
10/21/08 at 5:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy68 View Post
Hopefully she'll wait til she's a teenager but the main thing is that it is HER choice since they are her ears.
I agree with half of this theory. I wouldn't pierce my kids' ears as babies/toddlers, or against their will at any age, because they aren't my ears. BUT just because they are her ears doesn't mean that she gets full decision making on when they get pierced. As her parent, I get to veto ideas that I find inappropriate for her age or maturity level.

BTW, my dd1 - who had them done at 11.5 - is VERY mature. It wasn't about maturity or lack of being able to care for them. SHE is the one who - after having it done and going through all the tears and pain and infection and issues - told me that she's glad I didn't let her til then.
post #16 of 19
10/22/08 at 12:57am
I don't have a child who has ever asked for piercings, but as a child I begged and begged and begged and begged for my ears pierced.. was about 4 at the time, my mom and dad let me get them done at age 6, they got really infected, had to let them close up, had it done again and again, 3rd time was the charm, I was probably about 7 when the last ones were done. Even with my mom helping me care for them I didn't understand earlier that playing in the dirt was a bad idea. I don't regret that I had my own ears pierced early although I seldon wear earrings now.

totally off the topic of earrings, but along the lines of being old enough, having the understanding of the long term consequences of things.... I do regret that my mom 'let me' start shaving my legs in 6th grade, it was important for me at the time, but if I would of KNOWN (or believed?) what she was saying about hair growing in thicker once you start shaving, I would of listened to her advise and NOT shaved.

wanted to add too... about her cousins being around on her birthday, if you do let he get her ears pierced, how will her cousins parents feel about it? do the cousins have their ears pierced already and what happens if the non pierced ones go home asking for theirs to be done? If they are against their children having them done I wouldn't let your daughter get hers pierced while the other cousins are right there standing beside her, with her, it's one thing to have them come over and let your daughter 'show off' her ears but another to bring the cousins with you guys when you have them done.
post #17 of 19
10/22/08 at 3:35am
I was 4 when I got mine pierced, and although I'm sensitive and they might have been red, it was fine.

We did it at the doctor's, which I always thought was the best, but when I started reading about the reasons to NOT use a "gun" I realized how smart that was.

I then got a second hole on the left side at 15, which was the age that my mom did her own second hole (on her right side). OK this is funny...she took me to the mall for it, b/c it seemed better to her than using a sewing needle after icing it, but when I think about that, isn't a needle better for the same reasons that a piercing needle is better than a piercing gun? Hmm, interesting.

Then my 3rd hole on the left when I was 21, same year I got my tattoo.



Although I can't imagine piercing a 4 year old's ears, at the same time, I do NOT like the idea of having it done as a young teen. Why? Because to me, having earrings is just a decorative thing, not a grown-up thing, not a "sexual" thing. And to wait until a girl is a teen FEELS like its turning it into an adult thing, a sexual thing. Like they aren't decorations, but objects of attraction. And that feels so wrong to me, since I see them as mere decoration to make the wearer happy.

Glad I have a boy, and glad he hasn't asked for earrings. Would rather not make these decisions just yet!
post #18 of 19
10/22/08 at 9:29am
my dd got her ears pierced on her 8th birthday. I knew there would probably be issues to deal with, and there were. We got them done at the pediatrician's office, with a gun. She had a couple of infections after changing from the starter earrings, and had a problem with the holes forming properly. After she had switched to real earrings, her holes would seal up if she took the earrings out at all. If she left them in, the skin on the back of her lobe would close up over the earring back! Oy. It took about six months for her holes to form and for everything to be ok.
post #19 of 19
10/22/08 at 9:39am
Thread Starter 
Wow! Thanks for all the input! I never imagined I would get such a response. Ok, so, I talked to my SIL yesterday about my DN's experience with her ears last year. This is the cousin who would be around if we waited to do it on my DD's birthday. This is a big reason my DD wants it done, because DN got hers done last year on her 7th birthday. DN, apparently, has had a little redness and bleeding, some pain, a little trouble getting the earrings in and out at first, but mostly is glad her ears are pierced. I am going to let DD talk to DN about it.

I would never force DD to have it done. I would much rather she wait another year or two, but if she really wants her ears pierced, feels ready for the whole experience, I am ok with doing it now.

I would never bring along a cousin whose parents wouldn't allow their ears to be pierced yet; IMO, it just wouldn't be fair to that child to make them watch.

I am thinking that a nice long discussion with DD about the whole thing is in order, as at the moment, I don't think she really understands everything that is involved.

Oh yeah, I probably do have a nickel allergy, as I can't wear cheap watches, the kinds with those nasty metal backs. No one else in my family seems to have any problem with it, though. I find that non-gold earrings are the absolute worst, like my ears get red and sore within hours. My favorite earrings are a pair of $350 diamond earrings DH bought me eons ago. They don't ever bother my ears. I would probably stick with something really good for DD for a long time.
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