Q for first timers who've had their babies

[Amber Lion]

Entertain me while I wait my turn...

What has been the biggest thing that was different from what you expected? Is there anything you wished you would have thought more about? Stressed less about? I know it's still pretty early pp, but there have to be some revelations already, right?

Give me some "I had no idea THIS would be so hard!", or "Wow, I worried about THAT for nothing!", or even "They were SO right about THIS!" when you thought people had to be exaggerating...

[TaraRae82]

I worried a lot about the length of labor/birth and turns out, I didn't really know I was in labor until I hit late first stage and was 4-5cm 100% effaced by then! But, I really wasn't prepared for transition and the out of control feeling that goes with it (I'm a control freak; thank goodness I'd been preparing myself for having to let go of control at least). I remember telling DH and my doula, "I thought I was stronger than this"....I didn't realize I WAS strong, I was just really close to the end! I thought I had a long way to go still.

I also worried about cosleeping and it's been a piece of cake for me. I worried about sore nipples and have yet to need my lanoline....a good latch does wonders! I wasn't prepared for engorgement though so it took a few days to get over that and get Ally Rae to latch on that side since she'd taken a liking to my "good boob" during that time.

Keep in mind, everyone's experience is different and there's really no way to anticipate what you'll need more preparation for or what you're thinking too much about. Hindsight is 20/20. I wouldn't change a thing because you can't know then what you know now and it's all part of the grand experience of pregnancy, labor, birth, mothering.

[Marcimama]

I know I am not a 1st timer, but I keenly remember what I learned with my 1st. I wish someone had told me that "It will get easier." I had a very fussy first child and I didn't think "it would happen to me." It (what ever is hardest for you) will probably get easier/better.
Also, you will learn what works and doesn't work for you. Unlike Tara, co-sleeping has never worked for me. Be ok with being the mother that you are. You don't need to fit a mold. Be uniquely you...as a mom!
Oh, and savor, lavish and abundantly love your little one! You won't go wrong!

[Amber Lion]

Ooh, didn't mean to exclude Momma's who've btdt, as I'm sure you have lots of wisdom to impart. I also realize everyone's experience will be different. But it's fun for me to hear the experiences of this first transition into Motherhood since I'll be there soon myself and to see the range of experiences too.

[mama.rye]

fun thread!
i have a bunch.
just off the top of my head:

- I had NO idea to urge to push was as strong as it was. I did alot of research, classes, and prep for natural childbirth, and somehow always glossed over this part, or else it was not adequately described. I thought it would be an intense need, like having to poop. But, it was so a matter of life to PUSH and the force and need to bear down surged so hard through me, growing in intensity during the contraction. I was shocked, and kept turning to everyone, wide eyed, and gasping "holy sh*t! this is intense!" after every one. I didnt realize how hard it would be happening TO me. I thought I would have more control... ha!

- The sleep deprivation thing. I hated hearing people complain about this. I would think "but you have this beautiful baby in your arms! How can it matter that you are a *little* tired?!" Oh wow. It really started to wear at my soul by day 7. I felt like I was the only one not happily bouncing and cooing at the baby all day, because I was a zombie. It's hard, but worth it.

- How much I would worry about him breathing through the night. I was always the babysitter who checked in on kids to make sure their tiny bodies were still moving after putting them to bed, so I suspected I would be the same way with my own. Oh no. I was a nervous wreck for 5 days, waking up gasping and leaning right over to look intensely at him . If I had forgotten I had given him to my mother or sister in the AM so I could get some sleep, I would wake to an empty bed and co-sleeper and panic! They told me I would run out, wild eyed into the living room asking "Is he okay?!" barely awake. The protective mother cub has been ROARING! The insanity is dying down as I wake up each day with him okay and still breathing.

- I wish I researched co-sleeping and breastfeeding more. I didnt think I would be as nervous to do both "correctly". I wish I culd let go more to do both instinctually.

- I didn't understand the intensity, complexity, and purity of the love I would feel for him. That said, I'm glad I was told it would be normal not to immediately fall in love, which I didn't. I was in respectful awe of him at first, this little creature, and as we got to know each other over this past week, I have let the love swell and grow in so many moments. Abut two days ago, at the one week mark, I just looked at him and burst into tears my heart was so full. I am now head over heels...

- The little boy pee. I mean, they warn you it comes squirting out with many diaper changes, but I had no idea it would be so damn HILARIOUS when it happened!


ENJOY!!:

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by TaraRae82

But, I really wasn't prepared for transition and the out of control feeling that goes with it (I'm a control freak; thank goodness I'd been preparing myself for having to let go of control at least). I remember telling DH and my doula, "I thought I was stronger than this"....I didn't realize I WAS strong, I was just really close to the end! I thought I had a long way to go still.

:

So true. I wasn't prepared for the mental game that is transition. On the other hand, pushing was easier than I thought it would be, and such a relief.

I'm just going to throw this out there b/c it's my personal experience, and I'm a different person for it. I had a plan for how everything would go, from bedsharing (which didn't work out after Nora fell off the bed), extended breastfeeding (that might be out the window b/c of her possible galactosemia), no paci (she needs to suck), etc. When everything got turned upside down, I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with losing my dream.

Be prepared that anything can happen, and that being a "good mom" is only what you make it. Loving your baby makes you a good mom. There are no rights or wrongs, and especially being a 1st time mom, you're going to get advice from 100 different people. Do what is right for your family, that is what is most important.

Something I heard over and over but didn't believe - Labor is the easy part. Once that baby is in your arms, your heart grows so much it is immeasurable, and the love you feel is so enormous that at times it is overwhelming. It also hurts that much more when they might be sick or when they get hurt. It's absolutely incredible.

[TaraRae82]

^Yes! Pushing was so totally easy! I thought it was going to be incredibly hard and the "ring of fire" would be miserable. I felt it but not nearly with the intensity I expected. I kept waiting to feel it since I could feel her head and I felt it for only a moment as I birthed her head (she never crowned....she was in and then out all at once) and it just didn't hurt that badly. I actually enjoyed pushing.

[Baby_Cakes]

^OMG yes! "Ring of fire"? What a joke! I agree, I "felt it" but it wasn't anything like people told me it would be. After everything else, honestly, it was nothing!

I agree with mama.rye - the intense urge to push was insane. Didn't feel like having to poop, it was like my body was trying to turn inside out and I had to fight it. It was nuts.

[Chloe'sMama]

i was not expecting to love her so much. My heart aches because it is so full.

I didnt expect to be so bored the first 3 months. The mommy friends I made in my Childbirth Class have been lifesavers.

I thought going back to work would be easier, luckily, I get to work from home now. The thought of leaving her kills me.

Getting stuff done around the house is more difficult than I thought, how did our grandmothers do it when they were expected to have a emaculate house and dinner on the table each night?

I forgot about childbirth the moment I heald her in my arms.

[heidirk]

I never expected to have such a HUGE oversupply in the milk dept! I spent more time taking care of my breasts than I ever dreamed possible.

No one mentioned High Need babies. I thought I must be doing something wrong because my baby was not happy unless he was attatched to my boob.

Noone could have made me believe I'd be as proud of my son as I was.

[AugustineM]

Awww, : reading all these makes me so happy.

With my first I wasn't prepared for how *emotional* I'd be, and how actually depressed I was for some of the first couple weeks. I just was on such and emotional rollercoaster. I guess they call that they "baby blues" but I just wasn't prepared for it. I now know it's totally normal and OK to feel that way, but it was a shock at first!

[carolina~mom2be]

I had a really difficult time with breastfeeding the first time around. Engorgement hurt SOOO bad and no one warned me. Her latch was horrible and I would cry every time it was getting close to her nursing again. I just made it through those first couple of weeks and everything got better. I expected nursing to be soooo much easier than it was and it was quite a shock for me!!!

I also remember feeling like I'd been run over by a truck right after birth...I wasn't prepared for that either. I remember DH carrying me to the bathroom the next day. I was unable to walk because I had been squatting for hours during labor. I stayed in bed for at least a week - maybe longer - hopefully I'll be up a lot sooner this time around!!! I have a toddler to take care of so I don't see myself sleeping constantly!

Oh, and I'm STILL that mom that wakes up 50 times in the night with a huge gasp to check and see if she's still breathing!!! I swear I'm probably going to give myself a stroke due to this habit! I always put my hand on her chest to make sure she's still breathing! - she just looks sooooo peaceful when she's sleeping that it's SCARY! - I only imagine it being twice as bad once the new one comes!!!

[Honey693]

It was so much easier than i thought! I was in labor for 6 hours and until 3 hours before birth I thought I was just sick. The whirlpool tub (jets off) really helped. I got in there at 6-7 cm and got out an hour later ready to push.

[lovemysunshine]

I wish I had told someone (anyone!) about my PPD after the birth of my first. I was afraid and didn't understand what was going on in my body and in my head; I didn't realize what was happening until I was getting through it on the other side. Thank goodness we made it through safely. I clearly remember driving by a lagoon with DD in the backseat screaming and thinking how much easier things would be if I just turned the steering wheel and drove in.

I agree with much else mentioned, but this was something I experienced that hadn't been posted yet. Oh, another thing is how hard it is on our relationship (mine and DH's) in the aftermath of the birth/newborn period. We have had a rough transition the last 2 times and I'm hoping it's easier this time around, but I'm also not holding my breath on that one.

[Mamja]

I think my biggest surprise has been how much I love this little thing that does nothing but eat, sleep, poop, and cry. Sometimes her crying even makes me cry, but I still just love her so much. I want to be around her and cuddle her all the time. I thought it would be more of a gradual thing.

I'm also surprised how much more I love my husband. Somehow having a baby hasn't caused any stress in our relationship. I also just love watching him interact with her.

[Kim919]

Well first the good - the birth was much less painful then I expected (even with a sunny side up baby and 4 1/2 hours of pushing) I do wish I had more to drink and eat during early labor because I think it would have gone faster if I had.

The bad - nursing was much more difficult then I expected. Difficult probably isn't the right word. Katie latched on early and strong and my milk came in very quickly with no painful engorgement phase. She had tons of poopy and wet diapers from the start so she was always getting enough to eat. What I didn't expect was the amount of pain nursing would cause me. I wish I had called the lactation consultant right away and seen her a few times early on instead of waiting untill almost 2 weeks pp. I think I could have saved myself some agony. I had read the books and I had been to the la leche leauge meeting and I had a demonstration from a lactation consultant before the birth, and my midwives said she was latching good and my mom said I was doing fine, so it wasn't like I was just winging it, but it still hurt SO badly. It was as painful as the birth if not worse. It was not worth just "waiting it out" to "toughen up." If it hurts, call for professional help.

[Dahlea]

pooping after birth-thought it would be so horrible/painful and it wasn't bad at all (I did take the stool softeners they offered, but the first one came before they offered)

nursing-easy, but it DOES hurt even if the latch is good! my boy's latch was perfect and it still killed for about 4 days until my nipples got more used to it

hemorrhoids-boy, I thought I had some before, but these are the largest/most numerous of my life. for some reason though, not as painful as my pregnancy ones

I thought a baby would be boring until they were a few months old, but he is so fun. I like to just sit and stare at him all the time.
Also, baby poops are hilarious. He has these explosive farts and it makes me laugh so hard.

[Amber Lion]

Thanks for sharing ladies! These are making me smile and tear up.

lovemysunshine - thanks for sharing about your PPD experience. I think it's so important to be aware of so that we can ask for help when we need it.

[farmerjess]

These are so cool. I am only a couple days in, but here's what I have so far.

The birth was easy. Hypnobabies works. Even though consciously I was a little afraid of the birth(the ladies on here who lost their babies at homebirths really affected me), my subconscious was just fine and I never got scared during the birth.

As far as pushing, it was easier than i thought. My mantra was "This just feels like having the biggest BM of my life." Makes me smile. It was a great relief to be able to push.. For me, the ring of fire part was the only hard part. I tore towards the front and the back, and I felt it. Ow.

The after birth recovery was sooo much harder than the birth. I passed out when trying to make it to the bathroom for the first time and spent hours on the floor. I finally was able to crawl back to the bed and did not leave it for over 24 hours. DH had to help me squat over a bowl to pee. I still can't walk farther than the bathroom and I look like I am skiing because my bottom is so sore. I still can't really even feel when my bladder's full.

I ate my placenta fried in onions and simmered in beef broth and all's I can say is :

The first poo was not that difficult but was scary. I think chlorophyll helped.

Breastfeeding is easier than i thought and even though my lo is eating every hour, it's ok. Earth Mama nipple butter works so much better than lansinoh.

nak will add more later. its so cool how different everyones experiences are.

[heidirk]

Originally Posted by lovemysunshine

I wish I had told someone (anyone!) about my PPD after the birth of my first. I was afraid and didn't understand what was going on in my body and in my head; I didn't realize what was happening until I was getting through it on the other side. Thank goodness we made it through safely. I clearly remember driving by a lagoon with DD in the backseat screaming and thinking how much easier things would be if I just turned the steering wheel and drove in.

I agree with much else mentioned, but this was something I experienced that hadn't been posted yet. Oh, another thing is how hard it is on our relationship (mine and DH's) in the aftermath of the birth/newborn period. We have had a rough transition the last 2 times and I'm hoping it's easier this time around, but I'm also not holding my breath on that one.

I could have written your post.