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What do you, if anything, tell your friends? - Page 2

post #21 of 41
In the beginning, I was very general with family because of how the info out there is 1 sided. No one looks at the other side of any story regardless of it being about vaccines these days. Only 1 of my friends (childless and younger) knows about our decision. She is from Cuba and said herself that she only got 1 shot when she was little and her mom confirmed. She thinks like I do so I fed her my side of the story. Other than that, NO outside family member knows. Our family was skeptical at first but as things started surfacing and people did their research, they agreed with our stance. My parents took the longest to come around but they are now onboard too. With my parents, the only thing that made them a believer is the fact my DS has never been sick- ever- no each infection, no cough, no runny nose, no nothing. I'm sure he he was an ill child, they would have been up my you know what regardless of vaccines or not.
BTW, we have my DH's medical charts and vax reactions are documented in there but without using the word vaccine reaction! It was worded to say other things like it was magic he reacted along with each vaccine.
post #22 of 41
I typically am straight-forward about my choice but all my friends are very alternative (even the one who does vax) and I never have to "defend" myself.

I suggest you say something like this "You know I would love to share my experience with you sometime but it's one of those things you have to research for yourself. How about I send you some articles to read and then we can talk about it later?"

If the conversation involves some obligation on their part and you expect them to do some work I suspect most of them with drop it with a vague "yeah, sure" and never bring it up again. You can still give them the articles and be open to questions but it puts the burden of investigation on them.

Laura
post #23 of 41
My children are grown. I never told anyone unless they asked and seemed open to the option. Other than that, I avoided the subject. I am not vaccinated either, and I am old enough to have classmates with polio.

It is no one's business, anyway.

I have lied in the ER because it was the 1980s and I stood to lose my children to a CPS circus day in court for child abuse and neglect.

I am in the U.S.
post #24 of 41
I don't go out with a "my kids are not vaxed" stamp on my forhead but I also don't hide the fact that they aren't vaxed. All our family knows, our friends know. In fact, I think we are on the verge of losing some long time friends because of our less than mainstream views. Funny thing...I think it is THEM who are not tolerant of us! But, it's been a long time coming. And yes, I am sure they think we are completely bonkers to not vaccinate. And they are so PRO vax that I don't think they would second guess their decision even if literally killed them.

I also run a home daycare and every....single...child...is vaxed. And yes, it makes me cringe (quite literally) when I hear the parents tell me that they are off to get their "shots". Ugh.:

Most of the dcparents also know I don't vax. When it comes up in the initial interview my answer is typically, " I don't really care if your child or the other children in care are vaccinated or not. That is your business. I will however, tell you that my children are not vaccinated and if that is a problem for you then this is not the right place for your children as our decision is not going to change". Then I leave it at that.

Yes, most people you encounter, sadly, do not even realize they have/had a choice in the matter. Unfortunately we are so mainstream indoctrinated to think that the holier-than-art-thou medical establishment always has our best interest in mind and would never do us harm that we don't bother to research options and alternatives.

OP....I understand your question. I guess in the end you have to do what makes you feel comfortable. If you don't like to defend or debate then just keep it to yourself.

Or, if you are like me then feel free to bring it up when others start the conversation.

To each their own. But whatever you decide don't ever allow another to make you feel small or "abusive" or any other or the myriad of words they will call you. You did what was right for YOU and YOUR family.
post #25 of 41
I have told some people, but like any "alternative" parenting choice I think that if you don't want a debate or argument, it's not worth talking about, IMO. It's the same with all those choices, you get the "I did such-and-such, and my kids are fine!!" It becomes less about me and my choices and more about other ppl defending their choices and I am not even attacking their choices, I'm never clear on how my choices for my kid become me judging them for what they do (even though I do ) I realized this when I had my dd by midwife, oh the arguments we got, DH's friend started screaming in a public place about how the midwife would kill me and the baby! Then I got to hear every story about how great epidurals are and why I would "do that" to myself! And on and on with every parenting decision we have made in keeping with our non-mainstream beliefs. In the end, we have to realize it's not about us, it's about other people's need to justify their choices and their being offended that you dared to question the status quo. 99% of the time, I would rather not argue. I have never lied, it's easy to change the subject, most people don't expect you to say something crazy like "I don't vaccinate mu child"
post #26 of 41

re

someone mentioned cps.....can they really call cps on you for not vaxing?
post #27 of 41
i do alot of smiling and nodding. i don't lie, but i would if i felt like the person was not on my page. i also don't proffer information about my kids vax status. if the other person brings it up and i know without a doubt they are ok with non-vaxing, i may say so then, but otherwise, it's nobody's business.
post #28 of 41
I take it as it comes. If I'm with friends and someone asks 'Did your baby do such and such after her shots?' I might say 'She hasn't had any' or 'She hasn't had any yet', depending on how good of friends they are! I often get out of it by adding the 'yet'. Even though there will never be a time when 'yet' comes, people seem to accept the idea that we're just waiting a little longer! It might be a lie, but it's a tiny one, and who knows, maybe *one day* there *might* be a vaccine that we decide is useful to get and 'yet' will happen then....

But if I'm around people I don't know that well, I just sort of shrug and don't answer. Or change the subject. Or suddenly have to run after my daughter to help her do something. I don't share with people I don't know well because I don't want my children being ostracized. Only a small handful of people know we are NOT vaccinating at all. And very few of them are comfortable with it, so I imagine the random mothers I see day in day out at playgroups, etc would be REALLY not cool with it.

I think you have to decide for yourself what you are comfortable with. Some people I think I maybe should've said nothing to, but in the end, we live and learn. So far, no one has cast me out of their sight (that I know of...)
post #29 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocean_mama View Post
someone mentioned cps.....can they really call cps on you for not vaxing?
In the past it was very common.

Now, even social workers are aware of the fact that conscientious parents question the safety and necessity of routine children's vaccinations. HOwever, that has always been the case as far as I know.

Check this out and add to that list co-sleeping...http://www.mothering.com/discussions...2#post12727182
post #30 of 41
I don't discuss it unless someone asks me directly.
post #31 of 41
I'm entirely against vaccinations, and no one judges me for it. In fact, they celebrate it. I only choose to attract people who are in alignment with my beliefs. Because I truly am joyful in my decision, I don't invite judgement.

Just today, a medical doctor did my baby's first well-baby exam. He asked me what I intended to do regarding vaccinations. I said, "no vax." He smiled and whispered, "good. That's what I believe, too."

Don't anticipate that people will judge you. You don't need their approval. Know that you have made the perfect choice for you and your family. When you speak your truth, speak it with a smile. If nothing else, it confuses people.
post #32 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by misraloeb View Post
I'm entirely against vaccinations, and no one judges me for it. In fact, they celebrate it. I only choose to attract people who are in alignment with my beliefs. Because I truly am joyful in my decision, I don't invite judgement.

Just today, a medical doctor did my baby's first well-baby exam. He asked me what I intended to do regarding vaccinations. I said, "no vax." He smiled and whispered, "good. That's what I believe, too."

Don't anticipate that people will judge you. You don't need their approval. Know that you have made the perfect choice for you and your family. When you speak your truth, speak it with a smile. If nothing else, it confuses people.
This deserves a 'yeah, that'.

Since I truly don't care what anyone thinks, and I've already been through CPS hell re: vaccines, I've got no real-time fear about this. It shows. Nobody would dare give me the 'you'll kill your kids' crap, as I'm not going to accept or internalize it. I am 100 percent happy with my 'choice'.
post #33 of 41
Technically, if you say no you aren't lying. Your baby wasn't jabbed with a needle so no they didn't cry. A simple no and that's it.

I don't discuss our non-vax status either. Not even with family.
post #34 of 41
I don't lie, but I don't bring it up either. I'm not the most social person, so the only people who ever ask about it are the people we see at WIC. I immediately say we don't vaccinate and offer nothing further. I'm not going to hide it even though I do have a fear of CPS being called on us for it--which is so stupid when you think about it--but I feel that if I don't let them know that I've made this choice, then I may not be a sheep, but I'd be pretending to be one. And if I did that, I wouldn't be leaving an impression. Just because I don't elaborate doesn't mean I don't leave people wondering why I made my choice. Who knows. Later those ladies may do some research online and learn something. Not saying there's anything wrong with keeping it to yourself. I'd just like people to know where we stand.

I've had enough experience with being controversial after being vegan for 12 years. It teaches you to have thick skin.
post #35 of 41
My kids are older now and they didn't hassle me much in uk to vax. Theyv'e got the usual vax campaigns running here and 'offering' the cervical vax to schoolage girls.I love the pp's idea of the cards and asking the person to do their own research, brilliant. I would lie about vaxing if I had to but never have. Like many I've never offered info on our vax status, like pp says it's private medical info anyway. I love the pp's post, sorry I'm crap with names when I can't go back, absolutely be 100% happy with your decision to not vax and not invite judgement. The fear of illness is pretty heavy in society and I agree we are being judged continously for our parenting choices that don't fit into mainstream ideology. Parents realise pretty quickly their unvaxed kids seem to have fewer colds, snuffles, ear infections etc than a lot of vaxed kids. It's really highly offensive that people, family, friends,aquaintances and complete strangers should wish to convince you that you must inject poisons into your child for the 'good' of the community. I got tired of the shocked and disgusted faces when they discovered mine weren't vaxed.
post #36 of 41
There are a few people (those who are questioning and want to have a real conversation about it) that I would discuss our decision with.

My mom asked me what I was going to do when Kaiya gets smallpox! Yeah, because the smallpox vax is part of the schedule for childhood vaccines. Whoa, mom.

Most of my friends can just guess that I don't vax. We are that family in our little circle and it fits us fine.
post #37 of 41
Thank you, forthebest.

Hey, jakesmama, I just noticed your DS shares my birthday and your DD's birthday is the day before my DD's. What a coincidence.

My mother was a little skeptical too, but only a little. She's learned to trust my judgement by now. She still hesitates sometimes, but she comes around eventually.
post #38 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by milkybean View Post
You are brilliant. I love the business card idea (vistprint here I come) and I can't debate either, but people who CAN always make being flustered seem like you're just wrong.

Thank you!
it doesn't matter if you can debate or not, they will still think you are wrong if thats what they want to think.

I got into a nice talk with my FIL about circing. He just kept yelling "AIDS" and shaking his hands in the air. How do you argue that? Same with the Heb B vax, I told him I didn't have Hep B so the baby didn't need the vax, he responded "but the baby could get Hep B if he's not vaxed" : from where old man? Hookers? Drugies? Babies do hang out with a shady crowd.

I mentioned it the first time to a friend who works in a ped office (she asked me about peds) I said I was looking for a non-vax friendly ped, I was totally ready for the backlash, she just said "hum.. I think the one upstairs will take you, I'll get their number" I was amazed! there are still some people that aren't dumb after all!
post #39 of 41
I don't really tell people unless it comes up, but if it Does come up, I mention we're delaying vaccinations or we're not vaccinating at all...My family hasn't said too much to me about it, they know that I am smart about researching things and not just uneducated about it. My friends are open-minded about it. My SIL just gave birth to a baby and while she was prego i gave her some links on vaccination and Hep B vax, etc, hoping maybe she would consider it. On my facebook, I have pieces of flair and I've joined non-vax groups, so anyone on my friends list there will see I'm proud of not vaxing, and I'd love for them to ask me about why.

And btw, where are these vaccination business cards mentioned earlier in the thread? I'd love some ideas on how to make those...
post #40 of 41
Wow...it kind of saddens me how much we stay "in the closet" about non vaxing...

To tell you the truth...I hadn't thought about it until I started reading this thread. My ds is 28 months...and he's never been vaxed. We knew we weren't going to even before he was born...and searched for peds with that knowledge. We discovered then that it was unusual for people to interview as many peds as we did - with a specific holistic view point. Several peds (not rudely) asked us to leave...they were a bit offended that we'd be interviewing them...

But when it comes to people we know...I don't go shouting it to strangers...but if someone asks, I tell them honestly that we did our research and will not vax our son. Very straight forward and blunt. If they push the conversation on...I suggest that they check up a few websites to see different opinions. Honestly, ever since Jenny McCarthy's books and being on tv...many people are already aware of some issues.

I also do have to admit...that if someone I am comfortable with is pregnant...I do ask them if they want me to send them some info on vaxing. I have done this to several of my co-workers...I insist that I will only ask them once...but if they ever want info on vaccinations or want me to explain why we don't vax...I'd be happy to...but it's not for me to push them one way or the other...I personally think that the information out there does speak for itself. I have a friend that decided to at least do a delayed schedule because of the info I sent her...

But it is very clear from the beginning of a conversation if it's something that someone wants to actual talk about or if they are close minded and don't want to see another view point. If they are close minded...I honestly don't stick around for any conversation let alone one about vaxing
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