Originally Posted by Cherie2
do you have any evidence that shaming has actually changed that parents behavior? my feeling is that it would only serve to compound the problem.
Good point, and many people have expressed concern that angering the parents might cause them to lash out even more at their children later.
I suppose rude comments could cause some to stop and think about what they're doing, but in general I think saying hateful things to someone who's already angry and out-of-control, simply isn't going to be helpful to the children.
I agree with posters who've said that the children need to know their parents' abusive behavior isn't the "norm," and that most people don't approve of their parents' screaming at them and shaming them.
I just can't help thinking there's a better way to help, that shows compassion for the parent and helps us form a connection that can help the child -- and I'm not talking about connecting by "trashing" children and sympathizing over how difficult they are --
I'm thinking more of saying things like, "When I'm trying to get things done, sometimes I can miss my children's signals that they're getting tired/hungry/stressed (and little people do get hungry/tired quicker than big people), and if I've got my mind fixed on just getting from task A to task B, I tend to snap at my children, which worsens the problem. Somtimes I just have to stop and focus in on my kids."
Also, on the bus/train, I think it would do most parents a world of good to hear someone else's reassurance that they don't need to feel self-conscious or embarrassed because their small children are simply acting like small children. I agree with other posters who've said that some parents end up getting more stressed in public than they do in private, because they worry that other passengers are getting annoyed at them for not "controlling" their children.