S/O of "Does your husband stand up for you?"--Would your husband *NOT* stand up for you?

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Any mamas here whose husbands probably would NOT stand up for them/would take the side of the other person if someone confronted you about NIP? Does his "comfort level" (which is already low anyways) depend on: who you are with, where you are, or the age of the baby?

My DH is okay if we are in a completely random spot, with a baby under four months old as long as I have my sling or a blanket. He gets uncomfortable when I nurse around people from church, in a restaurant and thinks that since we've introduced solids and juice at four months, that I can just give the baby that when out and about (at least with #1 and #2). If there happens to be a bottle in the diaper bag, then it is like: just use the bottle.

We lived with my inlaws for about a month after we got out of the Army the first time. My policy is that I only "go and hide" to nurse if and only if I'm trying to put the baby to sleep. (Don't want distractions) Otherwise, he supports breastfeeding--especially when he found what we'd be paying for formula

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I'm a bit surprised that *everyone here's * husbands would stand up for them. I think I may be remembering with my first when we started taking her out. "Take a bottle with you." She refused it. "Go to the bathroom or lady's lounge to feed her". Yuck or someone is usually already in the nursing lounge. (and it is only set up for one person).

[Mama~Love]

Mine would not stand up for me. He's made me break down in tears as I head to the bathroom or the car to finish. I don't NIP anymore.

[ricemom3]

My DH supports BF, but...he thinks that we should be done by now. DS is 15 mos. Although he supports BF (in public) he feels that I should either, 1) go to the bathroom or ladies loungeor 2) cover up. Last winter during our oldest's hockey games, DH would insist that I left the stands (they were pretty close quarters, so I didn't mind, usually), and not even stay in the rink. He was/is constantly concerned that I'm going to flash and/or offend someone. I really think that if someone were to confront me, he wouldn't say anything to defend me. I'm not certain, but he might even agree with them, maybe not in front of that person, but later. With a "See I told you not to do that here" attitude.

[Freefromitall]

Dh's a little mixed on it. With dd(our first) he was *very* uncomfortable. It became less of an issue when I went back to work after 6mos, b/c we choose to supplement with formula, so on the rare occasions we both had off at the same time, and had energy to go out in public, rather than fight about it, I let her have a bottle.
With Ds(our second) it was kind of flipped around. I NIPed our whole cross country move, plus the weeks beforehand. But we stayed with the inlaws and I was SOOO uncomfortable nursing in front of them...plus the stress of moving and supply issues, that I broke down and fed formula. Dh was the one at that time who was encouraging me to continue.

[swimswamswum]

No. He would not not stand up for me. He is very pro-NIP and opinionated so he would tell someone where to go if they made a comment about me NIP.

to all you mamas with unsupported husbands. I can't imagine him not having my back. It would be really upsetting if he didn't share my views about the importance of breastfeeding and making sure our DC could eat when they needed to.

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by swimswamswum

No. He would not not stand up for me. He is very pro-NIP and opinionated so he would tell someone where to go if they made a comment about me NIP.

to all you mamas with unsupported husbands. I can't imagine him not having my back. It would be really upsetting if he didn't share my views about the importance of breastfeeding and making sure our DC could eat when they needed to.

:

I think my DH was a little apprehensive about NIP at first, but he knew better than to tell me not to. I have educated him pretty well on the subject. He knows now that our baby's need to eat trumps his discomfort and anyone else's. If he ever said anything to me, I am pretty sure I would tell him exactly where to stick it. I can say that he is definitely a lactivist now.

[dido1]

When I first started nursing, my DH was very uncomfortable with me nursing in public. However, the first time he told me to go nurse in the car while we were at a public event, I very calmly and very fiercely told him that the only one in the room who he should worry about being offended was me and that if he insisted I nurse in the car, our relationship was over. I deserve more respect and support from my husband than anyone else does and I made it clear to him where his respect and loyalty should lie.

Now, there are times when I chose to seek out privacy or to cover while nursing. But this was because it was MY choice not because someone else asked me to. I was a discreet breastfeeder because I chose to be and I felt that nursing discreetly was my best way of being a lactivist (as in, "look at me, I'm breastfeeding in public and you didn't even realize - see how normal, non-confrontational and easy breastfeeding is?"). My husband learned very quickly that this was one issue where his complete and utter respect and support was expected. He quickly grew into a strong NIP advocate, to the point of telling me to "just plug him in" when DS would fuss in public.

[AuntNi]

Not only did my DH support me, he's very supportive of his pumping co-workers. He smacked down the nasty co-workers who accused a pumping mom of "slacking" because she took a couple pumping breaks a day. I also thought he was going to get in trouble for "gently" encouraging (except DH is about as subtle as a snow-shovel) his boss to nurse when she was planning to FF from day one because she "wanted to drink beer asap." Luckily she doesn't seem to hold it against him.

[FullMetalMom]

Wow. Some of these posts make me so sad. I could never be with someone who treated me like a second-class citizen when I wanted to feed my baby in public. Hugs to all the mamas who deserve better partners.

[nerdymom]

Wow, hugs to mamas with unsupportive partners. I'm expecting # 1, but DH has been very supportive so far. We both has a good laugh about the "Hooter Hider" we saw in a store, and we've discussed nip. We 've talked about breastfeeding, my thoughts on nip, his thoughts on nip, and covering. He SAYS he thinks it's silly to hide bfing, unless you're going to hide bottle feeding too. I guess we shall see how he feels when our LO arrives.

[Romana]

I think my dh was a little unsure of extended breastfeeding at first, but only because we hadn't talked about it or thought about it. Any thought of "too old" went away only a few days after dd was born (we talked about it).

He was always supportive of NIP and made me feel good about it. In fact, the first time I NIPed we were in a restaurant and I was really nervous about it, but dd really needed to nurse . . . anyway I tried using a blanket and it was a total disaster . . . bottom line was that he was the one encouraging me to go ahead and nurse her, helped me get her set up, told me he would tell anyone who complained where to stick it, and told me it was okay, I didn't need the blanket (which wasn't working and was making dd cranky and stuffy in there).

I don't know if I would have been successful breastfeeding dd without his support. She was a very colicky, cranky baby who screamed at the breast a lot and his support was invaluable. It makes me angry that there are lots of women out there dealing with selfish and unsupportive partners. s

[SuzyLee]

At first DH was wierded out just because he had never been around nursing babies before. He didn't realize it was ok to nurse anywhere. Now he has been educated. I think if someone asked him to ask me to move, he would tell them that he would ask me but he doubted I would listen

[luckysam]

I am very lucky to have a very supportive husband. My husband proudly recalls one of the first times I nursed our oldest ds off-campus, I don't remember it as much! In the all the years I have nursed in public though, from infant through 3 year old, I have been blessed in never having anyone say anything to me.

Now, my family and friends have not been so supportive, but they never say anything around my dh. They were not so accepting of extended nursing, but I stuck to my guns, and I haven't heard anything in a long while.
I guess the biggest support he has been to me is personally, at home. It gives me confidence to nurse when our children need it and not worry so much.

My love and admiration to all of you with unsupported husbands. You are all the more strong and courageous woman for persevering for your children's sakes. Love and blessings to you.

[jocelyndale]

My husband is very quiet and introverted. I don't think he would stand up for me verbally, but he would become irate and anxious on my behalf and might physically block someone's access to me (without being violent). And he would have trouble sleeping that night because of his emotional upheaval. He certainly supports our nursing relationship, he's just not an activist or fighter. Does that make sense?

[Evenstar]

Originally Posted by ricemom3

My DH supports BF, but...he thinks that we should be done by now. DS is 15 mos. Although he supports BF (in public) he feels that I should either, 1) go to the bathroom or ladies loungeor 2) cover up. Last winter during our oldest's hockey games, DH would insist that I left the stands (they were pretty close quarters, so I didn't mind, usually), and not even stay in the rink. He was/is constantly concerned that I'm going to flash and/or offend someone. I really think that if someone were to confront me, he wouldn't say anything to defend me. I'm not certain, but he might even agree with them, maybe not in front of that person, but later. With a "See I told you not to do that here" attitude.

Yup, mine, too. Exactly.

[leafwood]

Dh is really non-confrontational, but has and would stand up for me wrt NIP.

[go0ber]

Originally Posted by FullMetalMom

Wow. Some of these posts make me so sad. I could never be with someone who treated me like a second-class citizen when I wanted to feed my baby in public. Hugs to all the mamas who deserve better partners.

this.

[ricemom3]

My dh is one of the not so supportive ones. In fact, last night (at home), ds (15 mos) was on my lap. He pointed at my shirt and said "more", which is his word for a drink ro nusring. DH looke dat me and said something about how "wrong" that is and that's why I need to stop nursing him now. I just laughed and said that I thought it was cute. I will not compromise ds's health for dh's comfort. oh well, at least my teenage kids are supportive of it. I guess they have dona a bit more research than their dad. haha

[phreedom]

He is VERY supportive of me BFing our daughter and wanted me to do it as long as I could. He won't hesitate to tell new parents (our friends...not just random people) how smart our DD is, her "super immunity" and how easy it is (HA! For HIM ). So he's pro BFing for sure. Almost to the point that I have to reign him in a little. (He gets a little carried away on the IQ thing...I think our daughter is sharp for her age...but she's not some sort of child prodigy)

As far as NIPing, He would definitely say something if someone made an outright nasty comment. But for more subtle things (someone offers me a blanket, makes some comment about woment that "let it all hang out") I don't even think it would honestly register as offensive to him. He doesn't really understand why I WOULDN'T want to go somewhere isolated or cover up. He doesn't insist that I do or even suggest it. But he just doesn't get the offensiveness of "gently suggesting" a nursing mother go nurse her baby elsewhere when in the company of other adults. (especially if they are elderly)

So I guess for the most part he stands up for me. After reading some of these posts, I can say I'm grateful.