How do you avoid getting consumed with the issue?

[BlessedMommy2006]

Seriously, how do you keep intactivism and circ from taking over your whole life? All the new information that I read, just makes me more upset about DH's circ and the fact that there's nothing that I/we can do but just live with the problems that it's causing him/us until he restores. Then I get upset about all the boys that are constantly being circ'ed because of misinformation.

How do you redirect the negative energy and stop being angry and upset about (fill in the blank with name of son, partner, whoever)'s circ or every pro-circ parent that you run into? I think that the fact that I know the facts about what those boys are missing and what they might or will run into later in life just makes me more frustrated. Sigh.

[Nandi]

Turn all that energy into positive action.

[Tinijocaro]

I've been at this since 1994, online a couple years later. I spent at over 10 years VERY involved. Spoke to random pregnant ladies in the supermarket or wherever. Sent packets of info to pregnant teachers in my children's school. After so many years of hearing so many stupid responses, I've backed way down and still keep up with it, but my emotions couldn't take it any more. I only speak occasionally to people about it. My boys are 9 and 13, I don't see their penises any more so I really don't give them any thought.

Some people have the stamina to continue fighting it with a vengeance, not me, it just wears me down.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by BlessedMommy2006

Seriously, how do you keep intactivism and circ from taking over your whole life? All the new information that I read, just makes me more upset about DH's circ and the fact that there's nothing that I/we can do but just live with the problems that it's causing him/us until he restores. Then I get upset about all the boys that are constantly being circ'ed because of misinformation.

How do you redirect the negative energy and stop being angry and upset about (fill in the blank with name of son, partner, whoever)'s circ or every pro-circ parent that you run into? I think that the fact that I know the facts about what those boys are missing and what they might or will run into later in life just makes me more frustrated. Sigh.

At least you can escape it. I will be showering, will look down and be reminded of circumcision, because I am circumcised. I can NEVER escape, or just fully back away from the subject. So its been hard, I have dealt with it by coming to new conclusions about myself and my body, by reading up a lot on this issue and the history of this issue. My current goal is to come up with a way to form a support group for other younger guys. Not some "o woe is me, my penis is destroyed" But just a place where guys can feel their feelings are validated, that even though society says they are just being "silly", that what they feel, the violation, and the self respect they have for their body is not something to run from. That there is NOTHING wrong with them, and that their change of views does not make them less of a guy.

There is ALOT to be done to socially help American males, because currently there is NOTHING in relation to this issue. Thats my way of staying sane, finding ways of making other things better, and accepting that no matter where, or what time in history there are always stupid people. People who just do not understand the facts of the situaton and end up messing someone up, it just so happens that because of gender I am, in the era I was born in, I get the short end of the stick this time.

[KBecks]

Well feeling frustrated doesn't get anything done. So, you should take some actions, like write letters, talk to expecting parents, etc. etc. Doing what you can to help and spread the word is the most you can do.

The other thing is to look at life big picture and see some good in the world to balance the ugliness of circ. I think there are many wonderful men who have survived circ and are great people and that helps me. I think it's important to think whole person and not get too penis focused.

[njeb]

I take frequent breaks from this board. It helps me put things in perspective.

It also helps me to remember that the vast majority of parents who circumcise are not bad people, just misguided ones. That gives me some compassion for them.

It is so engrained in people around here that they "need" to circumcise that they just don't believe you when they tell you it isn't necessary. I try to remember that I may be the FIRST person who has ever said anything against circumcision.

Hope these suggestions help!

[phatchristy]

Originally Posted by njeb

I take frequent breaks from this board. It helps me put things in perspective.

I don't know if it helps me put things in perspective, because I think here at this board we have the *right perspective* but taking breaks helps keep me out of the emotional overwhelming feeling that I have sometimes.

Being married to someone who bears the scars of a very agressively done circ doesn't help either. I am reminded of it. I do my best not to think of it.

I had more of a positive outlook about the future when he had put some effort into restoration. With everything going on right now he has put little effort into it recently, and I'm just assuming that things are not going to get any better with that respect. I still feel really sad though if I think about it, I try not to.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

For me the answer has been time but I still have days when I go to bed thinking about it and wake up thinking about it as well I try to think about how the rates are dropping and have high hopes that by the time my kids are grown it will no longer be an issue.

[latinalonestar]

I get very consumed at times. Even when I take a little "break" I still think about it and feel sad for the 3000 boys that get circed everyday. I guess it is one of those things that you know in your heart is wrong and the truth can be hard to escape. But that is probably a good thing, keeps us fighting.

[glongley]

I have had to set some boundaries on what I will expose myself to., e.g. I stay away from the stupidity and ugliness of debate boards and expecting clubs. And I try not to read emails or articles about circumcision too close to going to bed (hard to sleep). I know what I can handle and what I can't - I like to educate and support, but I get stressed out about feeling like I'm fighting "the dark side" or having to work on too political of a level - so I try to not get involved with issues that I know I get too stressed about, and trust that there are others who can fight those fights better than I. (Although this work will always be pushing us out of our comfort zones to some degree.)

Also, I try to stay aware of taking care of myself by keeping balance in my life with exercise and stress reduction and fun, and time for my husband and family etc., rather than only have a life based around circumcision. I seek supportive contact with other people who "get it" (local NOCIRC group or MDC) so I remember that it's not me that's crazy.

I also try to set attainable goals, like accepting ahead of time that I can't change everyone's mind or save every boy, but just plug away at what I can do, even if it's just "planting seeds" which may come to fruition sometime in the future, tho I may never see the results directly. I do better when my work comes from compassion and education, rather than coming from a crazy, emotional, traumatized place all the time (although I understand and respect that intactivists all have different motivations and styles, all of which can be effective). I also try not to take on too much at one time, and say no when I feel overwhelmed, so I don't burn myself out.

All this is easier said than done, but these are the things I try to stay aware of. I can totally empathize when people need to take a break or step back from it. This work really can make you crazy, but once you know enough, you can't NOT do something. It is important to remember that each one of us IS making a difference over the long term.

Gillian

[In Exile]

I for one don't ever watch videos, I just can't handle that.
I tried once and had to turn it off, before they even started, just the thought of infant in the circumstraint make me want to jump through the monitor and scoop up the baby.

Even pictures are too much-I don't even have to look at the actual butchering sight- just the screaming newborn, draped in blue-that picture alone makes me puke. Most of the time my eyes get watery and I just want to hug every.little.one.of.them who was tortured like that. Most of the time I need to go over to my own DS and tell him, I love him and just hug him tightly.

I also take breaks reading here- although I am relly bummed to have missed a real opportunity to DO something- the AAP conference in Boston, I read about it when we came back home from a weekend trip.

I have to block it out sometimes or motherly instinct will just make me cry, you have a child and you think about somebody torturing it- the thought of any child going through that rips my heart out.

Every once in a while I pray, I pray for a certain child, I just pray that people come to their sense- that they don't own that other little body.

And every so often I do venture out and say something-but that is very energy consuming. I noticed that while volunteering in a domestic violence shelter. It just sucks me dry and depletes me of my own optimism. I need breakes. Bless everyone who has the courage to do day after day after day.