asked to cover at an up-coming wedding, wwyd? - Page 2

[Swan3]

I remember getting married and worrying about the most ridiculous things...a nursing mum wouldn't have been one of them though.

Maybe DH could rephrase BF's comments back to him "You want me to force my child to wear a hot blanket over his head while he's eating?" or "You're worried about my family disrupting your wedding? Would you prefer they not come?" I think BF needs to hear what he's sounding like right now and if they're so close, needs to come clean as to where this is all coming from.

[calpurnia]

Originally Posted by I-AM-Mother

I would buy the tickets, cover up and go. All friendships are based on compromising. I totally understand you and your husband's position but with everything going on in the world, this is such a small issue.

If you go, and cover up you will get over your anger. Look at it this way, in the future, this guy may have to suck something up in order to make you all comfortable. That is what friends do.

Good Luck!

I agree. I don't cover normally but I did cover at my sister in law's wedding, because she asked me to, & the reaction of guests was a real concern of hers.

[amitymama]

Originally Posted by meganmarie

I think this is the main point. The fact is, you could say nothing more to bf...go to the wedding...nurse whenever baby needs to...and NO ONE WILL NOTICE. Particularly the bf and bride, who will be - one hopes - busy getting married, dancing, and generally enjoying their wedding day, rather than inspecting the guests to see if any of them might be discreetly feeding a baby at Table 10.

People just don't realize how little usually shows when nursing (assuming you've worn convenient attire, which you mention doing). Its basically a non-issue, and for the sake of the friendship the best way to deal with it might be to pretend the dumb request never happened.

Exactly the advice I was going to give. As if he's going to have time to notice whether you brought a blanket or not! Goodness sake. Sounds like he's just freaking out over details and everything going perfectly. I would ignore his request, act like the conversation never happened, go and not cover. If he notices and makes a big stink about it then his wedding was either really boring or he's not the best friend your DH thought he was.

[MommyJoia]

this is the most ridiculous thing I have heard... I have nursed my older DD at 2 weddings. One, I didn't cover at all, except a small burp cloth over the top of my breast and at the other, there was a really nice lounge with a rocking chair, and I nursed in there because it was quiet and comfortable for us, not because I was hiding...

I think you should tell your DH to tell his BF that you will be very discreet and leave it at that. your nursing dress should cover you enough that no one will know your nursing anyway. (and if they do, who cares???)

[AuntNi]

First of all, : to your DH - he sounds very cool!

I hate weddings, I hate flying, and I hated taking my 3 1/2-month old baby anyplace, so I'm probably the wrong person to comment. And most people don't want infants at weddings at all - do you think this could be the bride's ploy to exclude your baby?

But I would stay home. If it's important to DH and his friend that DH stand up for him, let DH go. Actually, I did this exact thing when DD was a baby. DH had a great time, and I didn't have to suffer through traveling with an infant. And I hadn't even been insulted beforehand!

But if you really want to go, then nurse as needed, in whatever way makes you and your baby feel comfortable.

I guarantee once this couple has kids, this guy is going to feel like a jerk for his judgmental words.

[Freefromitall]

I'd either not attend or I'd be respectful of my dh's friend's wishes. This is his day and if he had an issue at his wedding about me nursing my child without a blanket, I'd try to respect that.

Like someone else said, friendship is about compromise.

[mommyto3girls]

Do you use a sling? Maybe dh could tell his friend nto to worry the baby will be in the sling most of the time and you can't tell if babe is nursing or sleeping because the of the sling? That way you are not even needing to say you will cover up, but he gets to reassure the "others" that no boobies will be bouncing around the room (except onthe dance floor I am sure)

[theboysmama]

Originally Posted by AuntNi

First of all, : to your DH - he sounds very cool!

I hate weddings, I hate flying, and I hated taking my 3 1/2-month old baby anyplace, so I'm probably the wrong person to comment. And most people don't want infants at weddings at all - do you think this could be the bride's ploy to exclude your baby?

But I would stay home. If it's important to DH and his friend that DH stand up for him, let DH go. Actually, I did this exact thing when DD was a baby. DH had a great time, and I didn't have to suffer through traveling with an infant. And I hadn't even been insulted beforehand!

But if you really want to go, then nurse as needed, in whatever way makes you and your baby feel comfortable.

I guarantee once this couple has kids, this guy is going to feel like a jerk for his judgmental words.

I told dh that i didn't need to go but he is just so hurt that this is even an issue that he feels if he has me stay home then he will be telling his friend that it is ok to treat other people like htis, and it is not! I will support him however he needs me to. I don't want to be somewhere that I am not welcome.

Originally Posted by mommyto3girls

Do you use a sling? Maybe dh could tell his friend nto to worry the baby will be in the sling most of the time and you can't tell if babe is nursing or sleeping because the of the sling? That way you are not even needing to say you will cover up, but he gets to reassure the "others" that no boobies will be bouncing around the room (except onthe dance floor I am sure)

I have a sling that will match me dress (I have already put thought into this). Dh told bf that baby would be in a sling and no one would notice. but bf just doesn't seem to get it. Thinks I am going to have my whole boob hanging out. I am very small chested, will have the baby in a sling, and will be wearing a nursing dress, Way less obvious than covering w/ a blanket. I just don't get it.

Dh suggested we take a pic of me nursing in the dress and send it to bf so he could see, hate to have to prove myself but might be a good solution.

[veryerin]

Your DH is awesome

[uumomma]

Originally Posted by lotusdebi

I'd bring the most garish, fugly blanket I could find, and cover up with it. I'd use it as a burpcloth and a shawl when I wasn't using it to cover up my baby. I'd fling it around like I was a bullfighter. I'd bring as much attention to that nasty piece of fabric as I could without making a sound. .

laughuplaughup: i was going to say this!

[MyBoysBlue]

You've got an awesome DH. Mine's really supportive too.

At SIL's wedding last summer we had 3 nursing babies. But they were niece, nephew and cousin, so close family that SIL wanted there. Only one of us covered but her babe was weeks old and I remember how hard it was to be discreet at that age. I did have DS in a sling but if you looked in you would have seen a bit of breast.

I personally would go and be discreet. But to me discreet is not drawing attention to what I am doing so I wouldn't be using a blanket to be discreet.

[pjabslenz]

I would bring a blanket to calm the NIP concerns of the groom but wouldn't use it. I wouldn't make an arguement out of it either. It's highly unlikely the groom will be concerned about your baby nursing considering everything else that will be going on that day.

I never used blankets when my kiddos NIP for the reasons mentioned in the earlier posts but I still managed to nurse discreetly.

I just read that baby will be in a sling so there would be no need for a blanket, IMO. I like dh's suggestion to take a picture of baby nursing in the sling and send it to bf.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by I-AM-Mother

I would buy the tickets, cover up and go. All friendships are based on compromising. I totally understand you and your husband's position but with everything going on in the world, this is such a small issue.

This is an issue I will not compromise on. I do not see it as a small issue, especially with a baby. If it is so small than the grown man can get over his squeamishness at the thought of boobies, and understand that a woman can nurse a child without undressing in a church. I don't know about your experience but nursing was a huge part of my day for the first year. I found covers uncomfortable for several reasons #1. they scream breast feeding happening here, #2. they make the baby hot, #3. the baby did not like being covered, #4. I could not support and latch my baby with a blanket.

I was ambushed with a similar request (though this involved leaving the room) on my way to a family party. I told dh that as the babe nursed ALL THE TIME I might as well not be there, and if they wanted to stick to this policy then I would not go to their homes until the baby was weaned (2yrs and still nursing) or they could visit us at our home.

If you go, and cover up you will get over your anger. Look at it this way, in the future, this guy may have to suck something up in order to make you all comfortable.
Good Luck!

Every time I think about my experience I still remember how offended and steamed I felt.

That is what friends do.

Host's (and friends) do not make their guests uncomfortable; the OP is also a guest.

[tuffykenwell]

Originally Posted by I-AM-Mother

If you go, and cover up you will get over your anger. Look at it this way, in the future, this guy may have to suck something up in order to make you all comfortable. That is what friends do.

Honestly I doubt the baby will go along with that even if the OP was willing to compromise in this way. None of my kids would allow a blanket over their head EVER. They also had issues with the fabric from my shirt being too close to their face so I have had a couple of tug o' fabric wars with my nurslings (me pushing the fabric down them pushing it up and away).

Steph

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Freefromitall

Like someone else said, friendship is about compromise.

Is this how you treat your friends? Acting ashamed of your friend, embarassing them, and asking them to draw attention to an otherwise innocuous act?

Funny how everyone's feelings but the mother's are taken into consideration in these circumstances. Just because it is "his day" or "her day" doesn't mean you can treat people badly; it means you can pick out color's, invitations, dresses, hymns, etc.

I find "requests" like this as offensive as if someone told me to leave my dh home because he is black.

[Romana]

My babies won't nurse under a blanket.

If it was really important to go to this wedding, I would chalk it up to ignorance and I would not try to make someone else's wedding my lactivist battleground. I would also not cover up, because my babies don't tolerate it.

Instead, I would just scout out a private location to nurse when the baby got hungry - at 3.5 mos, the baby can probably easily go a few hours between feeds. If there was no suitable spot to nurse privately, I would nurse in the car.

And I would try to ignore the stupidity and ignorance, and have a good time anyway.

I know that's not going to be a popular sentiment, but not infrequently for my own comfort I find a private place to nurse. So for me it wouldn't be a big deal to do it this way. I find that people frequently do impolite or inconsiderate things as the bride/groom. I've learned to ignore it, cherish what I love about those people, and if appropriate, address the issue 6 mos or a year later. When in the throes of planning, people seem to go rather berserk . . . deranged, if you like . . . about thinking about/worrying about ridiculous details and meaningless contingencies. I would try not to get wrapped up in that and avoid being a source of wedding drama.

[theboysmama]

Originally Posted by Romana9+2

Instead, I would just scout out a private location to nurse when the baby got hungry - at 3.5 mos, the baby can probably easily go a few hours between feeds. If there was no suitable spot to nurse privately, I would nurse in the car.

I haven't had the baby yet so don't know how often it will nurse but if it is anything like my other kiddos it will pretty much stay attached the whole wedding (most people always comment how much my kiddos sleep and how quiet they are, they are usually attached sucking away but no one can tell).

Thanks everyone for all your advice opinions. I am just letting dh handle it and have told him I will support him however he feels necessary. He is just terribly offended that his bf is judging and not supporting his parenting decisions, etc. etc.

[Twinklefae]

Originally Posted by alegna

I assume this guy has no kids, correct? And probably hasn't been around a mom nursing?

Personally, I'd go - if friend says something else I'd just blow him off- "don't worry- it'll be fine"

Having been recently married myself, I agree. I say just nurse, and no one will notice (they never do) least of all the bride and groom. (I'm lucky I noticed that I was nursing on my wedding day, never mind a guest!)

[I-AM-Mother]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

This is an issue I will not compromise on. I do not see it as a small issue, especially with a baby. If it is so small than the grown man can get over his squeamishness at the thought of boobies, and understand that a woman can nurse a child without undressing in a church. I don't know about your experience but nursing was a huge part of my day for the first year. I found covers uncomfortable for several reasons #1. they scream breast feeding happening here, #2. they make the baby hot, #3. the baby did not like being covered, #4. I could not support and latch my baby with a blanket.

I was ambushed with a similar request (though this involved leaving the room) on my way to a family party. I told dh that as the babe nursed ALL THE TIME I might as well not be there, and if they wanted to stick to this policy then I would not go to their homes until the baby was weaned (2yrs and still nursing) or they could visit us at our home.




Every time I think about my experience I still remember how offended and steamed I felt.



Host's (and friends) do not make their guests uncomfortable; the OP is also a guest.

You can please some of the people, some of the time but you can't please all of the people, all of the time.

I nursed all three of my children. Sometimes I used a blanket, other times I nursed with nothing covering their faces.

I would compromise but it's her decision. I've had to compromise for people who were not my friends so I would do whatever I could for a friend of mines, or my husband's. That's just who I am. As long as my child eats when they need to, I would be

[I-AM-Mother]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

I find "requests" like this as offensive as if someone told me to leave my dh home because he is black.

I would too. I thought he asked her to bring a blanket though, not to NOT come to his wedding and NOT nurse at all. Or use a bottle.