autopsy? probably alzheimers

[richella]

My mom just died of Alzheimers. At least, that's what we have assumed. I have been wanting a definite diagnosis, which we've been told can only be made after death. My bro and sis don't think it's important. I guess it's expensive. (I'm pretty sure her estate can cover the cost, though I didn't confirm that with my bro, who would know, and probably would have told me when we were talking about it if the estate were broke.) Am I crazy? Is this weird? It seems to be pretty much out of left field to everyone else. Bro and sis have indicated they wouldn't oppose it, but that they might not be comfortable with any extra hassle.

Would appreciate any thoughts or relevant information. I have to decide for sure on Wed. early as possible. tia

[Ann-Marita]

I am so sorry for your loss.

When my father died, we had an autopsy done. It probably wasn't necessary. It told us exactly what we thought - that the cause of death was a pulmonary embolism. But I guess it was good to get a definite cause of death.

Sorry I don't have more information to share.

[AlpineMama]

I'm very sorry about your loss.

Personally *I* wouldn't get an autopsy done if I were you. But then, I'm probably not the right person to ask. Once someone has passed away, if it were up to me, I would prefer them to be respectfully and quickly buried/cremated with as little hassle as possible. That's what I want for myself. I don't want to be embalmed or autopsied. I just don't think there's anything to be gained from it. When my father died, they were going to do an open casket but I said I wasn't going to be present. I asked to be excused for the showing. My mother agreed with me at first but then went back and had a private viewing of the body, and she was very upset by it. She said she thought she would find peace and say goodbye, but it didn't add to her any peace.

I don't think it's wrong, by any means, to do an autopsy. But I would really ask what you think you would get out of knowing for sure whether or not she had the disease.

May I ask how you would feel differently if it was confirmed that she did have Alzheimers? Or if it was confirmed that she didn't? Did she act differently towards the end? I only ask because I have had several Alzheimers relatives and it was painful towards the end, when they started acting differently. It was hurtful if they were cross with me for no reason or didn't recognize me. Did anything like that happen with your mother, and perhaps if you found "proof" why she was acting like that it would hurt less? This might be coming out of left field or assuming too much, but those were just my initial thoughts.



I hope you find the answer you're looking for, and that brings you peace.

[Channelle]

I'm not sure what to tell you, but my grandmother died of Alzheimer's when I was about 12-13. We didn't put her into a nursing home, instead feeling we should take care of her until her final days. From about the point where I was 8 on, she slowly deteriorated from the regal woman she was to someone who couldn't act any more advanced than an infant. When she died, we didn't do an autopsy, as we knew what she died from. From Alzheimer's. It didn't matter to us what the specific reason was, just that her body finally gave out. It just wouldn't have given us any peace to know the exact diagnoses of death.

That said, it might give someone else peace to know exactly what happened, and I hope you do find it. I'm so sorry for your loss, I imagine the pain of losing my grandmother would not even compare to the pain I would have felt if it had been my mother.

[richella]

Thanks, everyone. Those were good questions, AlpineMama. I guess I have secretly worried that she might NOT have had Alzheimers, but instead something treatable, like heavy metal toxicity or whatever. So the question would be, did I really do everything possible to help her? But, typing that out, now I see that it is really about me, not about her. Most likely she did have the disease, and I did not do everything possible. I did what I did for whatever reasons seemed reasonable at the time. It's over now.

Anyway, between SIL being in Amsterdam on business and sis having to arrange childcare etc etc etc it became apparent that an earlier funeral would be better for everyone else than a later one, so I let go of the autopsy idea in favor of everybody being here, which was easily much more important.

Thanks again for the replies.

[AlpineMama]

[Ifluffedthree]

I am sorry for your loss.
I am hoping that you have much peace with your decision. HUG

[richella]

Thanks, everybody.