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Panicking....Not emotionally ready? help! (long)

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I just need to know if there is anyone that does not feel ready for the challenge of labor ahead and is very nervous about having a newborn in the house???

This is my 4th pregnancy. It was a surprise to us. 4 days after we received orders to move to Germany, we tested + for this little one. The report date and our due date was 10 days apart...so yes, a very big surprise.

The pregnancy went by easy and quickly, aside from the backburner anxiety of hoping the military would approve us to extend our report date so DH could be here for the birth....otherwise it would be me, a newborn, and 3 children under the age of 6 negotiating moving country from UK to Germany, getting passport from london embassy on my own, moving the house and furniture, the car, negotiating all the kids and myself on the plane etc on my own just 6-8 weeks after birth....

3 days after learning our extension was approved and we did not have to report to germany until January and could homebirth in peace here and TOGETHER....our landlord serves us eviction. this was at 8 months into the pregnancy. We have been very forthright with her about the new baby coming and that we would require residence until january instead of November. She made many VERBAL agreements to let us stay those extra two months. (little did we know that sometime around our 12th week of pregnancy she had already secured new tenants with a raised rent fee).....

So, at 8 months pregnant our shelter was taken from us and we ran like crazy trying to secure a new place to homebirth in, move all of our things over ourselves, secure a storage place for our furniture....etc.

at 35 weeks things were settling down. we had our new place. my only concern was now turning a suddenly transverse baby back to thier head-down position. (all the stress and physical activity of moving suddenly turned baby sideways)

at my 36 week appt, baby had indeed turned back to head down!

now the dust is settling and I am trying to "nest" as best as i can in a new location with furniture that isn't ours (which is better than living out of boxes for 3 months)...etc. but i FEEL unsettled. I feel like this pregnancy has "snuck up" on me. I am panicked.

With my 3rd birth (my first HB) the entire pregnancy was calm and relaxed. I could rest pretty well inbetween taking care of my 3 and 4 yr olds, and could practice my hypnobabies at naptime everyday. i had all kinds of time on the pc to scope out birthstories and edify myself. When labor commenced it flowed freely...there was no anxiety or panic, i just went with it. My confidence was sturdy.

This pregnancy has had such an air of anxiety about it, of panic, or worry..."will we even be here to birth, will i be alone to birth? okay, dh WILL be here yay! (3 days of complete rest and then....oh my gosh...how are we going to get out? where are we going to go....are we still going to have our HB?"

I worry the unease that has plagued this whole pregnancy will follow into the birth and i will not be able to cope. I was peaceful with my son's pregnancy and went on to have a peacefilled labor. This pregnancy has been the exact opposite, will my birth be the exact opposite too? my confidence is anything but sturdy this time. with so much swimming over our heads the last 9 months, I feel i have had little to NO time spent just realishing being pregnant or looking FORWARD to the birth. much more time was spent dealing with other things, and now suddenly birth is upon us....i have 4 weeks left at most (maybe 5 if babe is late)

is anyone else in panicky shoes? anyone else feel the pregnancy has gone by too fast and now feels overwhelmed to know it is nearing the end?

i want to cope well with the labor. i don't want my pregnancy anxiety's to hold it up in any way. I want to fall in love with my newborn. I worry i won't know what to do, that i will hold this child and feel completely disconnected. this all makes me want to cry...
post #2 of 11
Totally not ready, what so ever, not coping with pregnancy well, especially right now, I just want to shout 'STOP, WTH is going on'?

I need a breather but at nearly 39 weeks pregnant now, I think its a bit late. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
post #3 of 11
HUGS to you both. Just wanted to remind you that we mamas are AMAZING creatures and you'll be surprised what you can cope with. Hang in there.

hislittlelambs
- maybe try some pregnancy/ birth art to process these strong feelings.

-start talking to your little one within and be with him or her in these last days and weeks....your baby will understand what you've been through together.

Nothing can predict how birth will go, but you must hope and trust that all will be well. All will happen as it should. xxx
post #4 of 11
Big mama!
You have been through a lot. Despite not having all the major things you have had going on, I still feel a bit disconnected. I am working full-time up until the birth for financial reasons (I have no paid maternity leave). Dh is trying to get a new workshop built outside (he's self employed) so he can move his equipment out of the house before the birth. Dd has pretty severe eczema and is dealing with 2 yo tantrum like stuff. Her preschool is not working out. I'm tired as all get out, working 10 hours yesterday and 11.5 the day before trying to "wrap things up at work." It seems like it'll never end and definitely not in time for the baby. I really don't want to pop this baby out into this craziness we call life right now. So you are not alone--life is just complex for everyone these days.

It seems like you can at least settle down in your new space for a bit. Try to relax and enjoy it, get connected to it and your baby. You've been through a good homebirth before, so you know what it's like. Try to imagine it happening in this new space.
post #5 of 11
You are going through some really tough stuff right now! I can't really relate, because we have had a relatively calm and uncomplicated pregnancy and living situation, but as it gets closer to the end I find myself so emotionally fragile anyway. I am much moodier than I have ever been (well, not since puberty ) and cry at the drop of a hat. I think the end of pregnancy is just a very emothional time. I am sure that once it is time for your baby to be born, all the other issues that are stealing your focus will fade and you will be able to give birth very peacefully. Some quiet time to yourself (if you can manage it) will help a lot.
post #6 of 11
Ughs, I can relate with the whole reporting in and pregnancy problems. When DH got orders out here his original report date was Februrary. I didn't get out of the military until May and we had a two day old (it was Feb 1st, his report date was Feb 14th). I was super relieved when my command got them to push it back (his told him tough luck, I can move everything myself).

Im not emotionally ready to have another child. Every time I think of it I cry because my DD is so young still and needs me all the time. Im terrified of leaving her so I can go to have the baby. Im worried how she will react to having a new child in the house. Im feeling really alone since DH is working so much and we have no one in this country Im close too. I don't even feel really connected to this child like I did with DD. With DD I couldn't wait to have her, I spent the last two weeks going over all the baby stuff and getting everything set up for her.. This one only reason anything is done is because all the baby stuff got soaked in the move in September and if I hadn't washed it we would have ended up with mold problems.
I feel bad for this poor kid. We aren't even certain on a name yet. We haven't picked an outfit to bring her home in. Im actually dreading having another child... Oh why can't we have another 3-4 months instead of 3-4 weeks..?
post #7 of 11
Mama, no new advice, but and lots of support. I hope that you're able to make a birthing nest and even if that is all that is in order, I hope it will help you get into the right frame of mind for the approaching birth.
post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 

thank you so much!

i just wanted to tell all of you thank you so much...from your kind and gentle words of advice and wisdom, to the ones sharing thier panicky moments so i know i'm not alone. it is odd to me...with my other 3 i couldn't wait for the end and i could never understand how anyone felt the entire pregnancy just "snuck up" on them...nothing like being humbled lol. i SO understand now.

Mochimom, Okimom, and Tiree, big (((hugs))) going out to you guys as well. each of us have trying situations going on and i want you to know i support each of you as much as you have stepped in to support me.

to the wise women who shared kind words and advice, thank you! i have chatted with my babe (cried actually) and felt refreshed afterwards, chatted with my dh and our midwife as well....each of them were supportive and comforting. Today was a great day as finally we were able to go shop for the last of our birth supplies. (with the exception of the water hose and hose attachment i need for the birthpool and which i will have to go to an english store instead of onbase to find) we are ready....and now I am feeling settled a bit more.

Maybe it was a strange sense of "nesting" that was making me feel out of control? i have just had this Internal URGENCYto get things done, ordered, put away, washed, and bought....not in a "oh right, i still have to do that to" but more of, "i MUST do this NOW or everything is going up in SMOKE!" now that most of it is done, i don't feel like i am drowning so much.

anyway, just wanted to say thank you for being so supportive.

p.s. okimom- i understand. i felt the exact same way, same fears, same guilt when my second dd was coming. we conceived her just 4 mons after the birth of my first. i so worried how i had "shortchanged" her older sister by bringing on another baby so soon. once she arrived though, all those worries and fears never held true. i was able to cope with 2 under 2, hard some days, but survived and even enjoyed it! and now, at 5 and 6 years old, they are the best of friends. i wouldn't change it for anything now that i know what i do. having my second dd was the best gift my older dd could have received. you'll be fine, i promise. and btw, this baby doesn't have a name yet either, for either gender! (we're in trouble lol)...you're not alone there either! (((hugs)))...i edited to add this link to a blog i wrote last year when joey was still a baby...it talks specifically about my girls being so close together. has pictures of them too. i hope it encourages you... you have a beautiful journey ahead. *smiles* http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/tinytoes/310779/
post #9 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by hislittlelambs View Post
Maybe it was a strange sense of "nesting" that was making me feel out of control? i have just had this Internal URGENCYto get things done, ordered, put away, washed, and bought....not in a "oh right, i still have to do that to" but more of, "i MUST do this NOW or everything is going up in SMOKE!" now that most of it is done, i don't feel like i am drowning so much.
OH, that feeling sounds so familiar!! I so know what you are talking about! Working on keeping myself grounded so I don't feel so crazy about it!
post #10 of 11
Hislittlelamb- Thanks! I keep on trying to tell myself that they will be fine together. My brother and I are the same age difference as these two will be and we are really, really close. DD LOVES babies too. She loves it when I babysit other peoples kids and wants to help me with them and take care of them. The other day I had a friends baby over and she got upset because I wouldn't nurse him like I do her. I know its not going to be easy but at least when they get older they will have each other.
post #11 of 11
I'm a little late, but I finally found this thread.

AAACK! How could I be so ready for this back-achey pregnancy to be over, but so NOT ready to have a newborn? Is there really no possible way to take a little break between the two? I'm going crazy, simultaneously wanting the time to speed up and slow down.

This is a very wanted and loved baby, but the closer we get to the due date, the more panicky I get- I think partly because I don't feel ready (can't find DD1's beautiful baby clothes ANYWHERE) and partly because I keep wondering how I'll cope with two little ones, if breastfeeding ends up being a confusing and terrifying nightmare with DD2 like it was with DD1.
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