Please Help Me Wait (Small Update)

[Polliwog]

Today Polliwog's social worker will be meeting with her birth father and his lawyer. It was determined this summer that he is, in fact, her father. There was some uncertainty but he is on her birth certificate and was living with her mother. Neither person has been able to see Polliwog since she came into care one year ago.

DSS plans to add her father to the TPR trial. We go back to court in December. We'll know then if DSS will need to give him a case plan or if the judge will allow him to be added to the TPR which should be early next year. Actually, they are hoping that he'll relinquish his rights when he's assured that she's happy and doing well in my family. Who knows what will actually happen. There are several legal reasons why it's likely that she wouldn't be able to live with her father but we all know that things doesn't always go as expected.

I've posted before that I've felt differently with my son (adopted earlier this year) and Polliwog. I know, for sure, that's not the case any more. It hit me right after ROM started her thread. She's as much my child as my son is (at least in my heart and mind.) I've been the only mother she's known for the past 11 months.

If the judge decides differently, which he could, it will tear me apart. I just hope that what's meant to be (whatever that is) will be. For today, I'll just wait a few hours and then give the social worker a call. I could really use some hugs.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

You're an amazing woman. I'm sending lots of :your way, and, in fact Polliwog's bdad's way too (so that he'll have a sense of peace, or whatever's necessary, to let her go).

[happygirl6]

It must be so very hard to wait. Thinking positive for you, P, and her bdad.

[elmh23]

[RedOakMomma]

I'm pulling for you.

[Polliwog]

I left a message for her social worker but I haven't heard back yet. I'll call again tomorrow if I need to.

Thanks guys. There was no movement in this case for most of the past eleven months so it's hard to be a waiting pattern.

[Polliwog]

I'm still waiting...

Tick...tick...tick...

[Sierra]

The waiting is just...grrrrr.

[Polliwog]

I just remembered that today is Thursday. Around here, Thursdays are the days that the SWs are often in court. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's where she is. I know that a baby is probably coming into care tomorrow and it might be one of her cases.

[RedOakMomma]

: for good news on Friday.

[queencarr]

Hadn't had a chance to respond earlier, but I am thinking of you as you wait. I think that the hurry up and wait on someone else aspect of adoption is one of the hardest parts for AP's to deal with.

[Polliwog]

I just heard back from the sw. She met with the father and his lawyer. They are going to fight the change of plan to termination so they'll probably be in court when we go in December. He won't be getting a case plan at this point so we'll see what the judge says.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Originally Posted by BethNC

I just heard back from the sw. She met with the father and his lawyer. They are going to fight the change of plan to termination so they'll probably be in court when we go in December. He won't be getting a case plan at this point so we'll see what the judge says.

Oh, I'm sorry. I know that wasn't the outcome you were hoping for. Will there be any movement on the case between now and then?

[Polliwog]

I've been playing phone tag with the social worker. We aren't supposed to have a court date until December but I'm wondering if they can petition the court for a closer date. The father isn't being offered a case plan because DSS doesn't have to according to the last court date in June. They say it's too late.

The father's not here legally and has some legal issues which cloud things. His lawyer is a immigration/civil rights attorney, not one who works with DSS. He advised the father not to contact DSS and ask to see Polliwog. DSS sees his lack of contact as waiving his rights to possibly see her. So, he really should have a different lawyer.

I'll know more about court on Monday when I talk with the social worker. So for now, things go on like they have for the past 11 months. Except, I know that something might change in December. Even if the judge offers her father a case plan, he would have a lot to do in order to possibly get her back. Cutting off all contact with her mother would be a must since there's a restraining order against her.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Thanks for the update. I'm keeping my : for y'all.

[Thandiwe]

Oh, Beth, I'm so, so sorry. I haven't been on here much in a bit, so I just read this. ((((((((hugs))))))))) Please take some solace in the fact that you've had her for this long; it's going to be a lot harder to take her out now. He doesn't sound like a good candidate to take her; I can't see how a judge would uproot a settled little girl and plop her into the home of a man who doesn't legally live here.

Have you read the book, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne? A friend referred it to me given our case. As we know, the parents of my baby girl are unjustly being given a case plan. It has been my fear that they will succeed, but as of this past week, they're noncompliant and taking their time doing things. "The Secret" has really helped me refocus my mental thoughts. It's about your thoughts and focusing on what you want, sort of a mantra, instead of what you don't want. It's a good book.

I completely feel you about seeing Polliwog as your child. I'm there too. For the majority of these children's lives, we've been mom. For me, I found extremely tiny, subtle distances between her and I when I viewed her as someone else's daughter. I didn't completely let her in. I always had that stipulation "if she goes home." It stood in the way.

Big hugs.

[Sierra]

I personally do not believe that a case plan for a family of a child in the system, so long as rights have not been terminated, as unjust.

That said, to BethNC, you continue to have my deep sympathies. It's just so hard. In some ways, in your shoes I would hope the father would get a case plan. Proving a termination case when a parent hasn't been given a full opportunity to change things is incredibly difficult (not to mention ethics, etc.). Generally, full support of a parent's effort to change things is a condition of termination, at least where I am from. And most of the judges I have seen in the courtroom seem to think that "too late" is upon termination, not anytime before.

[Thandiwe]

This is a difficult subject for all involved. It's very complicated, never so straight forward. Looking back on my post, I was wrong to say "unjust." And had I come to this field as a foster parent seeking children, perhaps my emotions would be different and my perspective would be less complicated. I guess what I meant was this: I've known this mother for 15 years, and I've - along with her family - given her every opportunity and every shadow of a doubt that she'll change. We've had hope and faith all these years, and still here we are. There, I guess, comes a moment in time where you stop believing someone will ever change. That tends to cloud my emotions and leave me feeling like enough is enough. They've "abandoned" their two other children, signing off rights and openly stating they never "want" them back, although they're placed with a family member.

It's no defense of the things I said; I was out of line. But it just goes to show you how muddied things can get. I've come into this with a preconceived notion, and it's awfully hard to let that go....especially when you don't trust the officials in your case.

[mamabeca]

Hugs and light to you on dark days, mama. I hope it works out soon for you!!! You and your children deserve a loving stable (uninterrupted) family life.

[Polliwog]

I agree with you, Sierra. I don't think that DSS is allowed to give him a case plan at this point but that might change when we get to court in December. I do know that he's got the wrong type of lawyer. He really needs one who knows the system. He's gotten some bad advice. However, he is on her birth certificate and was living with her birth mother when she was taken into foster care. He should have been fighting to have a case plan all along.

I'm in a wait and see mode right now. If he is in fact, able to be a good-enough parent, then maybe it's not too late. We've not no clue what will happen in court. I just know that whatever happens, this little girl deserves a great life.