Christmas question and gifts?

[mommy68]

In my family years and years ago we used to do a gift giving thing where we draw names at Thanksgiving and that is who everyone exchanges a gift with at Christmas. A great way to keep from having to buy a million gifts for people we don't see that often. It worked great. However, my family hasn't done this in years.

Would it be rude or odd if I suggested this idea to my family? We always get together at my dads on Christmas day and my moms house on Christmas eve (they're divorced). I either think doing a drawing buying one gift for someone is better than buying a ton of gifts. Plus we just can't afford it this year. I just don't want to sound rude suggesting this idea.

Otherwise, what is a nice cheap way to get through the holidays? I know I can bake goodies and give that to everyone which is high on my list of possibilities right now. But I'd love to give a better gift than food. I am not crafty nor do I sew. I cook and bake pretty well though.

Any ideas?

[sallyg6]

We still draw names on Thanksgiving for my brothers and sisters. I don't think suggesting it would be rude, odd, or inappropriate. Not only does it save money, but it saves time having to go out in crowds to find gifts for everyone. I think this year we may go a step further and categorize the gift (must be a cookbook, or just a book, or something for the kitchen, etc). As people get older and can afford whatever they want (and also live across the country) it gets harder to find something for them that they'll appreciate and won't just be clutter.

My brother started doing the drawing for us last year and he uses a website (something like santashelpers or something). Where they randomly draw the name for you then you can anonymously ask your person (or anyone) questions about what they like, want, what their hobbies are, etc. It was a lot of fun and we really got into it. I think it was originally designed for office gift exchanges.

[angelcollector1]

Something homemade-whether it be food or handcrafted items are the BEST things to get... never think that a store bought item is valued more. I'd love it if I got homemade gifts, although the few people in my family who I receive gifts from would rather I diet so they don't give me food and they don't do handcrafts.
As far as other things, I treasure meaningful cards as much if not more than the little kitschy gifts I might get.. unless my SO gives me jewelry or it's a gift that's from my newborn grandson.

[frog]

I don't think it's rude at all. If you want to stay away from disclosing how much you're struggling, you could couch it in terms of how the economy's hitting everyone hard, and maybe people could scale way back (in the manner you describe), and donate the balance of their gift-buying budget to the local food shelf or Toys for Tots or something.

[Mallori]

When the gift-giving goes down, the quality goes up. IT IS NOT RUDE TO LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS.

But I'd love to give a better gift than food.

Please don't go here. I'm giving food this year. It's all we've got to give.

[GardenStream]

Last year I was in the same situation. I finally just asked a couple family members what they thought about skipping gift exchanges between adults. Actually, everyone jumped on board with that idea really quickly. I think everyone was thinking the same thing, but nobody knew how to bring it up. I have to say, it made the holiday's so much less stressful!

[acegmom]

I agree with the PPs...

Originally Posted by mommy68

But I'd love to give a better gift than food.

Please give food!

I don't need anyTHING else for Christmas. No knickknacks, no collectibles, no decorations. Most things I want, that others could afford to give me as a gift, I've already bought for myself. And giftcards between adults, to me, are like exchanging money. Why bother taking $20 out of my wallet, to buy a giftcard, in order to just get a $20 giftcard back? (Especially giftcards like Visa or AmEx with a service fee and that you have to track the remaining balance.) Why not just exchange $20 bills?

Food is yummy, consumable, and made by hand. And with love.

JIll H.

(lucky mom to Amelia 18, Camille 16, Evan 13, and Gracie 11)

[Purple*Lotus]

My favorite gifts have always been homemade and food related

Anyway, I would just suggest it. Who knows how many other people are thinking the same thing and are scared to bring it up. The worst that happens is they say no.

[sewingmama]

We exchange names between the siblings, which is a lot easier on everyone (there are four of us, three of whom have spouses), and we set a price limit that is comfortable for everyone. My mom takes care of drawing the names and offering suggestions if need be. There's no stipulation that the gift must be store-bought nor homemade; anything is *great* as long as it's something that that person will enjoy. We've been doing this for about four years now, and it's been a lot of fun, though this year will unfortunately be the first year that we just will not all be able to get together at the same time at all. My parents don't get included in the name exchange; they like to give to all of us kids (and grandkids), and we all give something to them as well. And the sibling who is single likes to buy for all of her nieces and nephews. This Christmas there will be five grandkids, so I think as more are added, the kids could have their own name exchange too, separate from the adult exchange.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by sallyg6

My brother started doing the drawing for us last year and he uses a website (something like santashelpers or something). Where they randomly draw the name for you then you can anonymously ask your person (or anyone) questions about what they like, want, what their hobbies are, etc. It was a lot of fun and we really got into it. I think it was originally designed for office gift exchanges.

Is it www.elfster.com?

For the OP: As a PP mentioned, it usually happens that you bring up the idea . . . and a lot of other people are relieved that you did! That's exactly what happened to me years ago, and to this day, we draw names. Christmas spending is kind of the unspoken white elephant in the room, so don't be surprised if your LO's are happy that you took the initiative.

[emilys_mom1]

I think it is a wonderful idea.

[~Megan~]

My mil and fil have 8 grandkids and 8 kids and spouses. Its just too much to buy for that many people. The kids don't get gifts from each other and we draw names for the grandkids. We still give gifts to mil and fil and my mom but it usually pictures of the kids (which I get taken for free at picture people) and something handmade.

[Juvysen]

I think food is the way to go for gifts... or other consumables, like if someone's into candles, get them candles, kwim? I get so annoyed with the amount of stuff that piles up in my house after christmas... most of which I have no interest in, you know? I'd prefer food or something that could be used up, or at least is useful (like something that I *need* rather than an electric popsicle maker or whatever crazy thing people come up with)... or even a donation to a charity in my name. I just don't know how to break this to the family members who buy us the *stuff* without sounding... uh... ungrateful in the worst way... which I guess I am, but... hm. I'm not sure how else to say this...

[tonyarn]

I would just bring it up with your family, everyone is struggling and I'm sure you're not the only one wishing things could be done differently.

BTW...I got a cookbook the other day with soup in a jar recipes, and I'm going to make up some of them for some of the people on my list...they look so neat!

[mamamelia]

what's wrong with food?

homemade food is nourishing and practical. a fancy ornament that sits on your shelf does nothing for you if you are hungry.

food is one of the best gifts out. if you don't want to give everyday food, how about chocolates? they are luxurious and everyone loves chocolate..

i second the "it is not rude to live within your means" comment. personally, i still don't get the deal with presents for adults. i say (only in my mind) that unless you are truely needing something and that item is going to be your christmas gift.. ummm, maybe you should get over it. oh how i'd love to actually say that to some people i know!

[karne]

I have a thread on here about a family outing we're planning (mostly free) in lieu of christmas presents, if you're interested.

[StormySar]

You don't need to be crafty, or sew, to make more than food. however, food possibilities are huge when you think of things like 'gifts in a jar', and cookies. What about homemade body care/spa stuff? Homemade crafts for kids (paints, inks, glue, play dough, modeling clay), homemade lacing objects and beads for kids? Family cookbooks? Home management binders for the ladies? Homemade pampering and goodie kits for the men? No-sew throw blankets?

I see nothing wrong with suggesting the drawing for names thing though - my dads side of the family has been doing this for years. We set a limit of $50 per person, but that seems pretty high to me for this year. This year I have so many ideas that won't cost me anything other than what I already have on hand, that I'd like to makesomething for all of the families and kids this year, because for the past few years we have been unable to buy or make anything for anyone.

I'm working on what looks like a 10+ page article for the next issue of From Scratch which is filled with homemade gift ideas, resources, recipes and instructions for everyone and all ages. I put the first article together last month and that was several pages long, and I'll be finishing the last part of the 3 part series with Decembers issue. Maybe I can put together a freebie e-book or something and offer it here with the homemade gift suggestions, I see sooo many people wanting to make their holidays a homemade one but feel like they're limited because they can't sew or craft. It's not necessary to be skilled in these areas :-)

On the other hand, if anyone has good suggestions for gifts, and they're included in the newsletter I'll send you a free copy of the newsletter :-) E-mail or PM for details.

[lilyka]

I hate drawing names. we usually spend a lot less per peson if just give something small and sweet to ach peson (we all make hand made stuff. this year I am knitting socks and making truffles). when we draw names it was 2 $40 gifts. (one from me and one fom DH) which is moe than I would have spend on everyone. Also SIL woked a nice stoe whee she would collect little things all year on the cheap (like cashmere socks, my favoite gift EVER) and she couldn't do this if she didn't know until the last minute who she had or what to get them.

So I don't think there is anything wrong with binging it up and discussing it but keep in mind depending on the size of you family and gift giving habbits it could actually end up costing you (o someone else) more.

[mum5]

Juvysen, I toatlly agree with the last part of your post, or rather have had the same conversation w/ my sil, many times. I love her but she drives me NUTS at Christmas.
She is single, no kiddos, lives by herself, has everything that she needs ( as she buys it for herself ) comes up to visit every year since we have had cildren and insists on bringing tons and tons of "stuff".
I tried to talk to her in September about it, just kind of bluntly saying that my parents and her Mum is going to put $ in the college saving a/c, or put some $ towards their gymnastics class, a cool pottery class, and her response was that it is just junk, stuff that she gets for free or a great discount ( she is in marketing at Disney)
Awesome

She is usually finished w/ her shopping in September also, and will always send a huge list of things that she wants. Usually fills 3 sheets of paper!!!

I used to feel so ungrateful , but now I am getting mad at her actually. I would love to go away for Christmas somewhere local, but far enough away, just to get away from this problem,but the cash is not flowing!

sorry for the vent.

This year we are doing some homemade presents, so hopefully she will get the message, that less is indeed more!!!

[starling&diesel]

I made the phone call last night to my sister to tell her that we can't do presents at all this year. We'd already gotten it down to stockings only, and either regifting or hand-making things, but we went over our finances again last night and decided that we needed to skip it entirely.

She's upset, but understands. I haven't called anyone else yet, but I assume they'll be on board. She's the gifty one.

The best part of Christmas day is always the meal, enjoyed with family and friends, so that's what we're looking forward too.

It's a huge relief to not have to spend a dime on Christmas, other than the $75 in gas to get down to the city.

We've always been a homemade is best family, but that costs too. Supplies are not free. This year is a no-spend Christmas. And that's final. We'll deal with whatever fallout may come.