PPD or just overwhelming life circumstances?

[limabean]

I've been feeling overwhelmed a lot lately. I took the test linked in the sticky at the top of this forum and scored 59 (moderate/severe depression). So I'm considering therapy, but if nothing changes in my life circumstances, I don't see how this feeling of being overwhelmed is ever going to go away.

I have a wonderful DH and two beautiful, healthy kids whom I adore. But I also have a full-time WAH job, which I was able to just barely manage when I only had one child, but cannot manage at all now that I have two. So I'm constantly stressed about work, irritated with my kids for distracting me from work, resentful of my DH for getting to leave and go work in an office with no distractions all day, starting to have neck and jaw pain because I'm so tense, etc.

So, because of all this, I'm scoring high on a PPD test, but is it really PPD or just that my life is stressful right now? I'm reluctant to see a therapist who will probably prescribe medication, because medication won't remove the stress from my life, you know? Medication won't give me more hours in the day to finish everything I need to do. And money is tight, so putting the kids in daycare or hiring someone to come care for them at our home while I work isn't doable. So I feel trapped. And I don't know what to do. What would you do?

[Daniel's Kitty]

I don't have any answers for you, but I understand what you are going through!

I am trying to get my real estate license and being mom to three little boys and by the end of the day I just want to walk away for a while. It makes for a very lonely existance when you spend the day in front of the computer or with the children and really don't have any adult conversations.

[Jesskathand]

I feel very similar!
We started a cat sanctuary far from friends and family before I knew I was pregnant and now we are so in over our head!
Its so stressful and a friend is hopefully going to take it over and we will move back close to friends and family.

I don't know if I should try to get help or just wait for this to be over.....

[goodygumdrops]

I think there is a difference between having ppd and just having stress from life. PPD is a serious and complicated illness. Often the stresses in life can worsen moderate PPD. Unfortunately, most people don't take ppd seriously and it often goes untreated for years and can lead to all kinds of issues. If you feel that you are suffering from ppd, then I would speak to a therapist. One aspect of treatment is medication, which unfortunately often has a bad stigma. It you had bronchitis and were suffering greatly then you would take the medication.

I have to say that it's perfectly normal I think for people not to understand the complexity of this illness, unless you have gone through it yourself. I tried to treat my ppd with regular talk therapy..even denying that I had ppd (thinking it was just stress) Anyway, 10 months later I had panics attacks and couldn't even function without the medication. So, if I knew then what I know now, I would take myself more seriously .

[azgirl]

My experience was similar to Gavin'smom, I waited months for treatment thinking it was just stress (baby spent 4.5 touch-and-go months in the NICU) It escalated to panic attacks and me barely functioning. I am still working on it but meds and talk therapy helped enormously. One element of depression is how it makes you feel hopeless about your life circumstances. My therapist and I don't talk as much about feelings as we do about life strategies. That might help you most right now, more of life-coaching or CBT therapy. Meds help a lot of people! Good luck!!

[limabean]

Thank you for your replies. I think part of it is being reluctant to label it, because that would make it "real."

I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist, so we'll see what she has to say about it. Thanks again for your help and insight.

[UberMama]

It's hard to see at first. I felt like some sort of failure for having PPD. Why me? I had a beautiful family, healthy children - what is there to be depressed about? But it's more than that - it's something we can't control, it's something deep inside that goes a bit haywire or is thrown off track due the hormones going crazy during/after the birth.

It helped me to see that many many other women experienced PPD. And once I was on meds (for only two months), I slowly learned to accept it and be okay with it. I was no longer ashamed.

[limabean]

Thanks again for the replies. Can I ask another question? I don't have any feelings of indifference/animosity towards my baby -- can that be normal during PPD? I'm thrilled to see her and love caring for her (most of the time). I don't have any of that feeling of distance that you hear people describe so often. Does clinical PPD have to involve bad/indifferent feelings towards the baby? Can you have plain old depression after having a baby, or is any depression within a certain time period of giving birth considered "PPD"?

[goodygumdrops]

Yes, you can still have ppd. Some mothers have intrusive thoughts about their babies and themselves but not all mothers. I personally didn't have any intrusive thoughts until my panic attack(when my son was already 18 months)...and they're kinda more anxiety driven too. So, it's really different for everyone. For me, my ppd was more anxiety and worry about something happening to my family.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

[happyhippimama]

I have the thought that, if you think you have PPD, then you probably do. I have never talked with anyone who wondered if they did, and then discovered they didn't, KWIM.

I also agree, life situations and made PPD worse. Or even trigger it, months after you give birth.

Good luck, mama.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by limabean

Does clinical PPD have to involve bad/indifferent feelings towards the baby?

I never have. And I've ppd twice. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Big hugs.