This post is mostly for myself, but if you want to join in, go ahead! 
I discovered/remembered an overwhelming faith in my body last night as I lay thinking that tomorrow is my due date. Patience and faith are not things I'm very good at, but this pregnancy has stretched my limits. I asked a child to come into our lives and suddenly my womb was full of life, just like that. I waited till 19 weeks to hear the heartbeat for the first time b/c I believed it was the best thing for my baby to avoid doppler use and just had to trust there was a growing being in my belly until then. I have declined ultrasound and diagnostic testing as well, trusting that the child growing inside me is healthy.
Why then, at only 39 weeks, had my trust and faith run out? Impatience? I know what's best for my body and my baby is to allow this child to determine his/her birth day. Yes, I'm uncomfortable and sleeping is painful. Yes, I want to meet this child who I've already grown to love. Yes, this waiting with baited breath is stressful and tiring and I just want to get on with our lives. My experience the other night woke me up however.
I won't be doing anymore EPO, or anything else to try and speed up the process. My body responded very strongly to it and I had this out of control feeling. Like when I've got a terrible stomach bug and my bowels are moving too much, I'm vomiting too much, there is a panic out of control feeling that it's not *right*. This was not my body's natural labor on my baby's chosen birth day. This was me being impatient and fiddling. The other times I'd had contractions after dtd before I was term were much more *right* feeling, even though I was put on pelvic rest so I wouldn't go into labor too early. They were my body naturally doing it's thing, if early. There was a power to them, not an out of control, not-right-too-much-ness.
So today I'm reaffirming that I trust my body and my baby. I will go into labor when the time is right for this little one to be born. My body will know what to do at that time, it doesn't need any help from me. Just like I conceived and nurtured this child in faith for the past 9 months, I'll continue to get out of the way and let this process unfold the way my baby chooses.
I discovered/remembered an overwhelming faith in my body last night as I lay thinking that tomorrow is my due date. Patience and faith are not things I'm very good at, but this pregnancy has stretched my limits. I asked a child to come into our lives and suddenly my womb was full of life, just like that. I waited till 19 weeks to hear the heartbeat for the first time b/c I believed it was the best thing for my baby to avoid doppler use and just had to trust there was a growing being in my belly until then. I have declined ultrasound and diagnostic testing as well, trusting that the child growing inside me is healthy.
Why then, at only 39 weeks, had my trust and faith run out? Impatience? I know what's best for my body and my baby is to allow this child to determine his/her birth day. Yes, I'm uncomfortable and sleeping is painful. Yes, I want to meet this child who I've already grown to love. Yes, this waiting with baited breath is stressful and tiring and I just want to get on with our lives. My experience the other night woke me up however.
I won't be doing anymore EPO, or anything else to try and speed up the process. My body responded very strongly to it and I had this out of control feeling. Like when I've got a terrible stomach bug and my bowels are moving too much, I'm vomiting too much, there is a panic out of control feeling that it's not *right*. This was not my body's natural labor on my baby's chosen birth day. This was me being impatient and fiddling. The other times I'd had contractions after dtd before I was term were much more *right* feeling, even though I was put on pelvic rest so I wouldn't go into labor too early. They were my body naturally doing it's thing, if early. There was a power to them, not an out of control, not-right-too-much-ness.
So today I'm reaffirming that I trust my body and my baby. I will go into labor when the time is right for this little one to be born. My body will know what to do at that time, it doesn't need any help from me. Just like I conceived and nurtured this child in faith for the past 9 months, I'll continue to get out of the way and let this process unfold the way my baby chooses.
