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Day trip to Disneyland, teacher ticked, how to respond?  

post #1 of 33
10/24/08 at 1:58am
Thread Starter 
On Monday I sent my son's 3rd grade teacher a note that my son would not be in class Wednesday for "personal reasons." I was giving her a heads up so she could give us work and I would try to have it in by Friday. (Turns out after 2 hours... I said enough... and he can finish the rest of the sheets over the weekend.)

I did tell him it was to go to Disneyland and told him to keep it mum (I picked him up after school Tuesday and drove right there and spent the night in a hotel.)

He said she was a little annoyed with him for going:
She asked him where he was going.
He didn't want to lie and said - Disneyland.
When did you go to Legoland? On a weekend? (He went to Legoland on Labor Day weekend.)
Yes
You really shouldn't miss school to go to Disneyland.



She is a nice person. 20+ years experience. Loves her job. Is detail oriented and very organized. I know she cares about ALL the kids and their performance. She is one of the "best" teachers in the school. (I have issues with the whole punishments and rewards thing, but I'll skip that for now.)

The last time I pulled him out of school for an October weekday trip to Disneyland was 1st grade. He hasn't been there for 2 years.

She sent me an e-mail Tuesday letting me know what he needed to complete and the last sentence was "He mentioned going to Disneyland."

Do I:
- address it? (Yes, we were there. It was great.)
- address it and qualify it? (Same as above. I add, "I only do this once every 2 years. The last time he went to D was 2 years ago.")
- To me it seems like the polite thing to do. She cares about him, I get that, so I have no problem acknowledging the truth without guilt. Out of courtesy, I can do that.

But is that the "right" thing to do?

Or do I:
- Not mention it at all. (Since it's none of her business and I don't need to explain myself and my decisions. She just has to accept this. Just like I have to accept the way she runs her class and the way the whole "system" runs my son's days.)

I realize every teacher is different. I met friends (a unique opportunity in itself and I'm so glad we went!) and one of my friend's teachers told her to "have a great time!"

TIA!
post #2 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:04am
I wouldn't address it at all. Really, not her business.
post #3 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:06am
My DD is much younger, but I'd be pretty annoyed with the teacher for telling him he "shouldn't miss school to go to Disneyland." What-he should stay home by himself and come to school while his family goes? I would address it with her from those grounds, like "Please address any concerns you have about our family decisions or trips to the adults who make those decisions and book those trips, and do not be rude to a child who cannot decide not to go because he doesn't want you to guilt-trip him."
post #4 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:09am
Quote:
I wouldn't address it at all. Really, not her business.
: anything outside of school is only her bussiness if you want it to be. If my reasons are good enough to me to keep my kid home then they are good enough for the school.
post #5 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:24am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
: anything outside of school is only her bussiness if you want it to be.
Arrrggh... that's what I thought I was doing by NOT telling her where we were going! She's the one who "pushed" the issue with him.

She is "making it" an issue with me and I'm just wondering if I owe her the courtesy of answering her question.
post #6 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:37am
I don't think you need to respond to it. My dd took a "P" day yesterday for her birthday. Just 'cause. My decision (and hers).

She also missed a week last year for a vacation to Alaska and a week the year before that for a trip to Disneyland with my family.
post #7 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:39am
She didn't ask you a question. It sounds like she's being passive aggressive by letting you know you didn't "pull one over on her." Personally, I would either do as I said in my previous post and ignore it, or actually tell her that it's none of her business.
post #8 of 33
10/24/08 at 2:57am
well you know missing one day of third grade to make lasting memories with his family, he may fall behind and never make it to college!
I'd just tell the teacher that family time is rare and very important.
post #9 of 33
10/24/08 at 5:25am
I feel the same as you, it's none of her business. I also know how Disney is way better on a weekday with less crowds during the off season (btw, I think Small World is still closed for holiday renovations, but Haunted Mansion is done and looks great! )

However, she is aware, it's not a true sick day. So technically, you are taking one of her 180 days to have your son for a fun day. Part of public school to me was that you go when it's on (save family emergencies or sick days) and reserve family time like Disney for weekends and holidays. I don't think that's convenient, but it's part of the deal of public school-- teachers are contracted for a specific time and your child loses out on their instruction and interaction if they do not attend. That is probably not the end of the world, but maybe where her snippiness stems from.

As to address it, I also think her handling it is passive aggressive and that's ultimately up to you. If my children went to PS, I probably wouldn't.
post #10 of 33
10/24/08 at 10:36am
I am actually taking my kindergartener out of school for 3 days for a trip to Disney world! She will miss Wed-Fri and we'll come back on Monday (but they already have that day off). Her teacher does not care in the least. We want to take one final trip as a family of four before our new baby comes in April and I can't imagine my child's school telling me that is a bad idea... If I were you, I wouldn't bring it up again unless she does. I'd just let her comment slide.
post #11 of 33
10/24/08 at 10:42am
I wouldn't bring it up. If she continues to make an issue out of it, then address it. But as long as he's current on his homework, why does it matter why he was out of school? Whether he was sick, not sick, had an appointment, or went to Disneyland, the result is still the same - he was absent for one day, and you're making sure that his work is all caught up.

I think the teacher is wrong to make an issue out of it. I think you're a great mom for doing that for your DS. Our children have a whole lifetime ahead of them to work and report to their bosses (or be the boss) - why not let them enjoy their childhood while they're still children?
post #12 of 33
10/24/08 at 12:36pm
As long as its not something that happens regularly, she should just mind her own business. Missing one day is not going to make or break his school year. She sent work, the child finished it, all is happy. Heck, I get personal days off from my work, and no one questions me, why should it be different for your child.
post #13 of 33
10/24/08 at 12:44pm
I disagree that it is none of her business since it was a school day. If it was a weekend then it would be none of her business. The school needs to know where kids are on days they are supposed to be but are not in school. If you had been upfront in the letter it most likely wouldn't have been an issue. I don't see the end of her letter as being passive-agressive but as clarifying that that was where he was.
post #14 of 33
10/24/08 at 12:49pm
Why does the school need to know where he is beyond "not at achool"? The OP wasn't not upfront - she told the teacher her ds would be absent for personal reasons - I consider a family trip a personal reason.
post #15 of 33
10/24/08 at 1:45pm
I'd be a bit ticked if a teacher spoke to my child and not me about something like that. That was either inappropriate or very manipulative of her.

I'm also a southern Californian-teachers here are pretty understanding about Disney protocol-everyone has an annual pass and wants to go when it's not a black out day. Heck, I ask for a RISE packet every year because we spend a week there, and although I feel a bit awkward no one has said anything yet. And you're right, I have to be up front about it because the kids can't
"lie" about where they're going. If someone were to object, I would say it's an opportunity we can't pass up-the memories are important and very meaningful to us.

I think this woman could use a few well-chosen words-she's crossing the line, imo-mostly because she brought it up with your son, and not you.
post #16 of 33
10/24/08 at 3:33pm
Quote:
Why does the school need to know where he is beyond "not at achool"? The OP wasn't not upfront - she told the teacher her ds would be absent for personal reasons - I consider a family trip a personal reason.
For pattern of absences reasons. Most schools have a policy of wanting to know WHY a child is absent. Missing a day here or there(like the op) isn't a big deal, but when those start adding up to more & more then it does. I'm not saying the op is going to start pulling her kid for personal days alot or anything, but that's how a pattern of it starts. illness, abuse, parental neglect are all situations where kids start missing a day or 2 then it becomes habitual & at times it's to hide what's going on at home. It's easier to keep a policy for all at the beginning instead of just those who start forming that habit.

There is no real reason why the op couldn't have stated in her letter that they were going to disneyland if the teacher had any questions to give her a call. A 3rd grader is going to talk about the trip so the teacher would have found out eventually anyhow.
post #17 of 33
10/24/08 at 3:33pm
You all are nicer than me.

I would reply to her email:

"Yes, we went to Disneyland and had a great time! We felt it was a great use of our time.

XYZ mentionned that you told him he shouldn't miss school to go to Disneyworld. As an 8 year old, this was hardly his decision. We request, in the future, that if you have any concerns about his attendance - you bring it up with us, the parents"
post #18 of 33
10/24/08 at 3:37pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieMF View Post
For pattern of absences reasons. Most schools have a policy of wanting to know WHY a child is absent. Missing a day here or there(like the op) isn't a big deal, but when those start adding up to more & more then it does. I'm not saying the op is going to start pulling her kid for personal days alot or anything, but that's how a pattern of it starts. illness, abuse, parental neglect are all situations where kids start missing a day or 2 then it becomes habitual & at times it's to hide what's going on at home. It's easier to keep a policy for all at the beginning instead of just those who start forming that habit.

There is no real reason why the op couldn't have stated in her letter that they were going to disneyland if the teacher had any questions to give her a call. A 3rd grader is going to talk about the trip so the teacher would have found out eventually anyhow.
This makes sense.

I do think the Op should have been upfront about her plans - asking an 8 yr old to keep mum is not going to work , nor is it really fair.

However, I do think the teacher handled it badly once she found out.
She should have went to the parents if she thought it necessary.

kathy
post #19 of 33
10/24/08 at 4:12pm
I think she should have voiced her thoughts to you, not to him, but on the flip side, while it's only one day to you, almost every parent does this at some point (or more) during the year. A day here, two there, a week maybe. Plus legitimate sick days. It all adds up. If that teacher has 20 kids, the logistics of getting make-up work to each kid, then getting it back and grading it separately, tracking who's where in their work, etc., adds up to a LOT of extra time and work for the teacher.

I'm not saying a parent shouldn't make that choice. Hell, if I were a parent with kids in school, I would make that choice. I'd jump at the chance to make some memories with my child, and if that happened to fall on a school day once in a while, so be it. But I would be damn understanding of the teacher's perspective, because I've been there, and I would do my best to be upfront with the teacher and minimize any extra work my choice would cause them.
post #20 of 33
10/24/08 at 4:27pm
Here the only pattern of missing they care about is if the kids miss more than 12 days in the year if they do then they fail.

I still say it is none of her business and I choose when dd stays home and why not the school.

When dd misses it is usually because of illness but sometimes Dr. appt. I dont even like telling them that : I usually just send a note saying dd was absent because she had an appt. and leave it at that. The only exception I made to that is the day they where doing flu shots and flu mist and I specifically wrote a note stating why she was staying home and why I was upset about it.

When I was working I felt the same way about them getting in my business and I would not tell them exactly why. I just have a major problem with that kind of stuff.
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