Stressed, pressured, panicked about xmas expense, anyone?

[samy23]

I never felt it much the previous years, maybe now its stronger because dd is getting older and the presents she wants are getting more expensive, and this year my income decreased. Im just feeling really under pressure to get her good Christmas gifts, and feeling like im failing in a way because I cant afford everything yk?

anyone else? any advice?

ahhh :

[BelovedK]

No advice, but it is a big worry of mine. I just want to create magic and am really short on funds this year

It is possible to create magic without spending alot of money, but my DS has been complaining that we are 'poor' It makes me sooo sad The holiday season is not all about 'stuff', I know that, I am just a bit stressed out about it so I am with you mama.

[jennlyn]

I think a lot of parents are going to be short on funds this holiday season. To me, part of not feeling pressured is that I never really made a huge fuss over gifts, not for birthdays or holidays. I would decorate as best I could within my limits, then focus on one special gift. If you focus on how to wow your kids on each occasion, it only gets harder as they get older and their wants get bigger. The Tightwad Gazette has some good pieces about kids and gifts- your library might have a copy. For Christmas, I would always tell the kids that it wasn't their birthday we were celebrating and try to focus on giving/doing for others rather than just receiving.

[trinity6232000]

I always try (and some years I fail) to keep Christmas low key. I try to stay under $200 for Christmas (and that includes my Dad's present, cause he usually asks to me to buy for dd, and gives me the money).

This year I'm staying far far below the $200. Dd really wants an iPod, and I'm happy to give her one (then maybe she'll let me have mine back. lol). But other than that it's going to be more about the time we spend together, and less about what we buy.

I'm stressed about it on one hand, and on the other hand I don't want to teach my dd that Christmas is all about what we get, and the stress of how to buy presents for others. We make most of the presents we give.

Last year I started a thread here in the SP forum about different craft ideas for gifts. Maybe I'll start it again. We could also list really good sales going on for the hottest Christmas items.


We have a lot of time to plan, 2 full months. You don't have to buy brand new, start searching on craigslist or freecycle of people giving or selling toys for next to nothing. Wash them up, the kids will never know.

[cycle]

I bought all of ds's stuff last year from mommas here on the old trading post or whatever its called. I got really good stuff for him, wooded toys like brand new, thomas trains NIB. I second craigslist, and start checking the thrift stores in your area, you can't believe what you can sometimes find. Yesterday I saw an entire wooden kitchen on CL for like $30, like 5 pieces!!! Ds is on the almost grown out of it side, two years ago I would have snagged it. They don't care if its new, especially the littles. Also, contact Salvation Army in your area, you can sign up to get a basket. Check around, you might find some more resources. I'm sorry, it is really tough mommas.

[meemee]

3 years ago we were living on food closet food. i had no funds. not a dime what so ever. i swallowed my shame and wrote a dear santa letter. and really at that time i needed basics - not just presents. and so a family adopted us and brought us gifts. obviously not everything but definitely the most necessary things and even toys.

but then here is my philosophy. i am so against what christmas has become. i hate, hate HATE this focus on gifts. in our family my dd gets gifts. from people in church. from her dad. she does get some. and gifts are gifts. we have never asked her what does seh want. its more or less whatever santa brings.

i dont think i gave her any presents last christmas because she spent xmas with her dad. i dont even give her a present on her bday. her bday party is enough.

BUT i buy her toys all the time. actually i dont. coz she plays with it for a couple fo days. figures it out and then no more. anyways. but i do buy her one or two things a month. depending on the price - maybe more.

so instead what i do is start traditions. do fun things that we both enjoy. she loves the energy around xmas time. all the decorations, hot apple cider, pumpkin soy milk, the people, shopping, etc. coz she 'hates' school so much we play hookey once a month. so in dec we are going to take the day off on my bday and go hang out in teh mall. see the decorations. she always asks for something (u know how they are - asking but forgetting 5 mins later - i always instead of saying no ask her to put it on the list, i get her what she tenaciously sticks to asking).

so she and i have started this tradition that i focus on. the christmas lights. the christmas morning walk or drive and see how quiet the city is. a movie we go to watch if we are not invited anywhere. we volunteer.

dont feel so sad mama. just give her what you can afford. but keep doing traditions that your dd and you might enjoy. if u stop the focus now on what she gets to having fun with what she gets you i think you do her a favour.

christmas is such a happening time here. with lots of free activities to go to. plays, music, fairs. our christmas celebrations begin right after halloween when the library does all those free events.

just to share one more thing. my ex is an extremely creative magical person. i love all the little things he does for dd coz i can never think of those things. so he set out some cookies, carrots and milk for santa like we do every year. last year santa ate all his cookies and carrots, drank half the milk AND left a thank you note. i tell you santa also left her an ipod and a few other things that she wanted. but guess what my dd still talks about. she still mentions. and finds magical. santa's note and the cookies.

this thread has got me inspired to see what i can do this year myself.

i looooooooove and hate xmas. i loooooooooooooooove all the magic and hate all the stress and obligations. thankfully i dont have family here so am spared the stress and obligations part.

[Kiernan]

Originally Posted by meemee

so instead what i do is start traditions. do fun things that we both enjoy. she loves the energy around xmas time. all the decorations, hot apple cider, pumpkin soy milk, the people, shopping, etc. coz she 'hates' school so much we play hookey once a month. so in dec we are going to take the day off on my bday and go hang out in teh mall. see the decorations. she always asks for something (u know how they are - asking but forgetting 5 mins later - i always instead of saying no ask her to put it on the list, i get her what she tenaciously sticks to asking).

so she and i have started this tradition that i focus on. the christmas lights. the christmas morning walk or drive and see how quiet the city is. a movie we go to watch if we are not invited anywhere. we volunteer.

I love this. DS is only two, so he's not yet at the stage where he wants expensive things, but I'd really like to nip that in the bud by making the holidays more about traditions and experiences. There is a beautiful pond in the middle of our city that opens for skating in December - all the trees nearby are decorated with lights and wreaths and it's really pretty. My sister and I were planning to take the kids a week or so before Christmas, and hopefully make it a tradition that we all do each year. I love the idea of an early morning walk, I might steal that!

[Pumpkin_Pie]

What a great thread! My son is only 18 months and definitely not asking for anything. Not having tv or being exposed to advertising helps I think, but who knows once he gets older. I really want to start some traditions with him so that the holidays are about those more than the actual gifts. Of course it is fun to see his eyes light up when I give him something fun and new, but really, there is no way I can afford to do what I would really like to do.

What I have done is to keep an eye out all year for the past year at thrift stores and yard sales. DS is getting nearly all used gifts for Christmas and I have really spent very little on him. Money is so tight, but I try to remember that it really is about being a family and making our own fun rather than having to buy it from a store.

[m9m9m9]

Growing up, I remember that I got plenty of gifts but not much else. My family didn't really have any traditions for holidays. The gifts were nice at the time I am sure but even as a child, I was a bit jealous of friends who seem to have a whole host of holiday activities they did. So my plan is to try and do as many activity oriented things per holiday.

My DD is 4.5 and has only asked me once to purchase a specific toy in the store and that was a cheap toy for the bath. I did tell her I would buy her one of those video game things (Leapster) for Christmas but I am pretty confident if I didn't get it, she wouldn't care much as its something I picked out and not her.

[niblet]

Janna, it would be great if you revived the craft thread. Not sure what I am doing with ds who is 6. His dad does the crafty stuff and I would like to as well.....

[SoulJourney]

Ahhhh...yep...we're right there with you on the anxiety train. *sigh* My DS is almost three (yeah, to add to the stress, his birthday is three weeks before Christmas!!) and my biggest struggle is the fact that my family insists on *overdoing* it, buying waaaaay more crap than I want them to, buying stuff I would NEVER buy for DS and ultimately undermining my beliefs and values, as well as showboating and making my Christmas with my son seem somewhat less than spectacular. I am a f/t student and I have NO funds. I am living off of grants and loans and as it stands right now I am trying to figure out how I'm going to pay my bills for the rest of the semester. I was just given a little table with chairs for DS and I'm going to repaint it and give it to him for Christmas. I already bought (when I had money) a really cool book about apes for him, I'm knitting him a snake scarf and I am going to put together some gifts for him that resemble some of the things he works with at his montessori preschool...cups/trays from Goodwill with dried beans and noodles, maybe make some sandpaper letters, etcetera. I think I can do this really inexpensively and still make it fun! Oh, and I am thinking of sewing together some fruit/food out of felt, or knitting food or something. Hope that helps.

[the sunshine]

I was a kid in the seventies, when times were really tough. One Christmas my mom told us that we would be getting very little (she still feels really really bad about that year!!) but I didn't notice any difference at all, honestly.


One of my best friends gives her kids exactly three gifts each year for the holiday, and one is always a craft item.

please don't beat yourselves up.

[nolonger]

yea, i'm kind of stressed; i have three kids with three completely different sets of needs:

dd, age 19, needs to finish transitioning to a mutually respectful and rewarding adult celebration, prefers for both of us to stick to the same spending limit ($20 is comfortable), and can't stand having gifts being used to play out power struggles/social class issues. She has a lot of problems with my mother and thinks I can just make Mom stop sending "charity boxes" with gifts that have some significance to just the two of them that make dd cry. Last year Mom threw a temper tantrum because dd didn't write her a thank you note promptly enough so dd really doesn't want any more gifts from her.

ds1, age 16 1/2, loves Christmas and since his birthday is January 3, this will really be his last holiday season as a child. He is why I'm not just skipping it or switching to a more spiritual solstice. I'm done wowing him with iPods and video games (his father always outdoes me anyway, so it's just setting myself up to fail and be disappointed and then stuck with the bill if I try) but I do want to at least touch on most of his happy memories from childhood and leave a sweet taste in his mouth. For example, I have ALWAYS given him socks and underwear and this time I am sewing up two nice tank top and boxer sets for him out of the same bamboo jersey I made his little brother's newborn gowns and infant T shirts with. I don't knit very well, so I'll probably just buy the socks, but I hope to get him nice ones.

ds2, who will be 11 1/2 months in December, doesn't have a father and is mostly toy free for nonfinancial reasons. I aspire to a life of voluntary simplicity and JUST DON'T WANT TO START the whole consumerism/gift giving stuff with him. Even if I did, he is too young to care so whatever I give him would really be giving ds1 the gift of watching his baby bro do something cute.

It's going to be a balancing act.

[mamamoo]

Totally! Only mine is a birthday/winter holiday stress. I have ds# bday, nov 20th, ds#2 bday nov 29th, dd2 bday dec 11th, and then xmas. Xmas, for five kids! It's scary. I just hope they can appreciate all that they have...

[NinaBruja]

i am freaking out.
i have been trying to find a job since last september when my ex and i split.
i still have yet to find anything resembling reliable income.
my dd's arent all present crazed but id like to be able to set the heat up on christmas or something... sometimes i feel consumed by anxiety that we cant do anything without money.
deep breaths help