wwyd? I messed up

[Enudely]

How would you have handled this situation better? Dd and I were rubbing vegetable shortening onto the skillet to season it, and she started eating it. "Don't eat that, it'll give you a tummy ache" I said (o.k, this whole thing could have been avoided if I'd just let her eat the darn stuff!, so she says " I WANT TO EAT IT!" I say "No, it'll give you a tummy ache and take it all away, so she proceeds to throw a fit and grab a jug of water and throw it on the floor.
Enter steam coming out of my ears. "You need to clean that up" "NO, I don't want to!"
So I put her on the couch and said, "you need to stay there until you're ready to clean up your mess". She screamed and threw a fit and kept getting off the couch, so I finally took her to the kitchen, sat her in my lap and said "you are going to stay in my lap until you can clean up your mess". Finally, 5 or so minutes later, I took her hands and forced her to clean up a little bit of it. She did NOT like that (I don't blame her) . She proceeded to have the worst screaming fit of her life that lasted near an hour. And I'm left feeling like the worst mom of the year.

[elmh23]

I just approach that by handing the kid a towel and say clean it up. Usually they don't have a fit about it, but when they do, I put them in time out for a minute or two and then sit down calmly and explain why I want them to clean up the mess. Then I hand them back the towel and walk them to the mess. They always do it then. The key is to not show that you are mad. If you do, then they will not do it.

And I probably would have let her eat the shortening while reminding her that it could give her a tummy ache.

[Susan Kunkel]

I would have put her some where safe to calm down .When she was calm work with her to clean up mess.
Susan

[SamuraiMom]

Hugs mama, it's so hard when tempers flare, it's hard to get back to a "happy place". I have had these struggles w/ my LO's. I would wait till she calms down and then have her clean it up. When you are both calm you can explain to her why "we clean up after our messes", taking responsability, and all that good stuff. I have fallen into the rut of sweating the small stuff as of late, so this is good advise for me too!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

First, take a deep breath and realize that we all sometimes slip into power struggles with toddlers. Or big kids. Or spouses. Its part of being human, so don't beat yourself up about it.

I probably wouldn't have let a child eat shortening, especially a younger child. I think you did the right thing by giving an explanation and putting it away. Next time you might want to think ahead to find a quick distraction. Since you know she's now into this "react in frustration" phase, if you can catch her before she responds and give her an alternative that would be ideal. But 2 YOs are fast, so that only works occassionally.

Once the water was thrown, I think that having her HELP clean up was a good idea. But "clean that up" was probably too big a request for a 2 YO, and to demand it pretty much begs for a power struggle. You might have gotten further by calmly saying "Now we need to clean up the water. You take this towel and I'll use this one." and then wiping with her "help". If she wasn't willing to help, maybe "Well we can't do X until this water is cleaned up. Do you want to do it now or take a break for a minute first?" But if that got me nowhere, then I'd just wipe it up.

[mamaduck]

I think it was fine to take the shortning away. Maybe it would have helped to say, "Oh, are you hungry? That is not for eating, so lets find something else to eat." But nobody is always quick on their feet with the right thing to say! You did perfectly well in that respect, I think.

One thing I have learned about messes made in angry moments -- restitution is important, but there is no need to rush to see it done. A mess can wait. It will still be there in an hour. And confronting an angry child and insisting it has to be done "now" is almost always asking for trouble! You can give a kid time to rage a little and cool off. You can even fix them a snack, give them a hug, and take a break. When the angries are gone (from both of you) you can say, "There is a mess on the floor. Here is a towel for you and a towel for me. Lets fix it."

In the moment, it is much more productive to help the child with their feelings. Ignore the water on the floor. Say, "I see that you are very very angry and dissapointed! You really wanted to eat it, and you are very upset that I took it away." Ignore the mess. Focus on your kid. The first priority is to help your child learn to recognize and express her feelings. So many people would have better lives if they were able to recognize their own feelings. Fixing the problem is important too -- but it is secondary.

[MrsAprilMay]

Tempers get away from us sometimes as well as our children. I don't think you are a horrible mother at all. I think it takes a strong person to reveal a moment of weakness and ask for help.

Originally Posted by mamaduck

I think it was fine to take the shortning away. Maybe it would have helped to say, "Oh, are you hungry? That is not for eating, so lets find something else to eat." But nobody is always quick on their feet with the right thing to say! You did perfectly well in that respect, I think.

One thing I have learned about messes made in angry moments -- restitution is important, but there is no need to rush to see it done. A mess can wait. It will still be there in an hour. And confronting an angry child and insisting it has to be done "now" is almost always asking for trouble! You can give a kid time to rage a little and cool off. You can even fix them a snack, give them a hug, and take a break. When the angries are gone (from both of you) you can say, "There is a mess on the floor. Here is a towel for you and a towel for me. Lets fix it."

In the moment, it is much more productive to help the child with their feelings. Ignore the water on the floor. Say, "I see that you are very very angry and dissapointed! You really wanted to eat it, and you are very upset that I took it away." Ignore the mess. Focus on your kid. The first priority is to help your child learn to recognize and express her feelings. So many people would have better lives if they were able to recognize their own feelings. Fixing the problem is important too -- but it is secondary.

Very well said!

[quietserena]

Maybe use coconut oil for the seasoning so you won't object to it being eaten very much?

I can soo see this being a scene at my house...