Lactivism Opp at the Library--WWYD?

[Turkish Kate]

DS and I recently started going to the toddler story time at our local library. Last week, we were sitting next to a mom with a toddler and a new baby (in a stroller). Not five minutes into the program, new baby begins to fuss, so mom leaves with baby and toddler and dad returns to finish the program with said toddler. Uneventful story time otherwise. Afterwards, I needed to use the bathroom, and I was alone with DS and waiting for the handicapped stall (more room) to open up, but after waiting 5 minutes, realized that it wasn't going to happen. Somewhere in the course of doing my business, I recognized the stroller in the stall as belonging to aforementioned mom and new baby and heard obvious nursing sounds coming from the stall. First thought--great! she's nursing the baby! Second though--eww! she's nursing in the toilet stall!

Upon exiting the bathroom, aforementiond dad and toddler were outside the bathroom area, searching for mom. I told them that she's in the bathroom, and it sounds like she was nursing the baby. I tried to be really positive in talking to the dad, telling him that it's great she's nursing but that it's kinda gross that she's nursing in the bathroom, and Florida state law prevents anyone from "kicking her out" of someplace--even the library--for nursing her baby.

I will likely see this mom again at the toddler storytime, so I'm wondering what--if anything--I could/should do about this situation. I don't know if she's aware of Florida's breastfeeding legislation, if she's aware of the ick factor of nursing in the bathroom (and they're not the cleanest library bathrooms I've ever seen), or if she's just uncomfortable NIP. I was thinking about printing out the Florida state law and nursing my toddler (if he's interested). Any other suggestions or should I just leave it as it is?

[Sagesgirl]

I think letting her know the law is a great idea, since it may be she retreated to the bathroom because of being harassed. Another thing is to point out that ______ place is really comfortable to nurse, in your experience. (The libraries here tend to have some nice couches, etc.)

[scraphappy-Red]

Maybe you could invite her to attend (with you) the local breastfeeding support group, if you're so inclined. I'm really involved with my local support group and so on the rare occasion when I meet a breastfeeding mom with whom I'm able to converse with comfortably...I always invite her to a meeting.

[ErikaG]

Here's the thing...

You don't know why she was nursing in the bathroom to begin with. When my daughter was a newborn and I was still awkward with nursing her, I did things like that, or went out to the car when we were out, because we were still working on the whole coordination thing. I have a friend who, for a period of time nursed her child in bathrooms when they were out because he was so distracted when nursing anywhere else that despite wanting to nurse, he wouldn't get any nursing done because he'd be constantly on and off and on and off looking at everything else around and playing with things. So before you get all invasive on her, I'd try and have a conversation about her choice to nurse in the bathroom-is it her own awkwardness, is it because the baby just isn't a good nurser and needs the less distracting environment, or is it because she had an issue in the library before? It's entirely possible that it's the best place for her baby to nurse well and has nothing to do with embarrassment or harassment.

[_betsy_]

I'd strike up a conversation and see if she's interested in the local LLL chapter meeting, and how at that age, you really, really loved your sling/carrier for nursing covertly in public or whatever.

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by ErikaG

So before you get all invasive on her, I'd try and have a conversation about her choice to nurse in the bathroom-is it her own awkwardness, is it because the baby just isn't a good nurser and needs the less distracting environment, or is it because she had an issue in the library before? It's entirely possible that it's the best place for her baby to nurse well and has nothing to do with embarrassment or harassment.

I think if this is approached positively (as OP has stated already she wants to do) it can be far from invasive. I think it's great that she wants to let this mama know that NIP is not offensive and acceptable.

If it were me I'd probably say something like "I heard you nursing your little one the other day, how wonderful! Just so you know, you CAN nurse anywhere and I know there are some really comfy couches in this library that are perfect for that purpose!"

[MommyJoia]

Originally Posted by Swan3

If it were me I'd probably say something like "I heard you nursing your little one the other day, how wonderful! Just so you know, you CAN nurse anywhere and I know there are some really comfy couches in this library that are perfect for that purpose!"

:

[AlwaysByMySide]

I was another one who would nurse in changing rooms, in the car. I nursed in a restaurant restroom about three or four months ago because the baby simply would NOT chill out with everything going on in the restaurant, there wasn't enough room at the booth we were sitting in, and it was faster than going to the car. I wasn't worried about anyone kicking me out, I wanted to be able to take off my shirt and put him in a calmer environment and get him eating and calmed down. (And within five minutes, he was fine.)

I've nursed in a library before and been really self-conscious because of course the baby chose to make lots of slurping noises that time! I made sure he ate enough to tide him over, and then after we left, let him eat for real in the car before we actually went anywhere else.

I think it's great that you are encouraging her! Just don't assume that she's going into the bathroom because she's afraid of getting thrown out or anything.

[pumpkinhead]

I think that letting her know about the laws that protect her right to NIP is great. I think that letting her know that it's just fine to nurse in the library is great too. I think that telling her that it's gross to nurse a baby in a bathroom probably steps over the line just a tad.

When I was a new nursing mom with overactive letdown, I nursed in a lot of bathrooms because I lived in fear of squirting someone. If someone had berated for doing so, I would have been terribly embarassed and upset. I have had a couple of ladies say "It's atrocious that you should have to nurse in a bathroom stall! They should have special tables with lots of room for nursing moms!" at a couple of resturants and I was encouraged by this.

Also, when my first son was 4ish months old, I couldn't nurse him with lots of activity around. He would be very distracted, pop on and off and I'd be spraying milk everywhere. It was kind of embarassing, so there were times I went to my car or sought out a bathroom stall.

I think just being mindful of the fact that she might be timid and uncomfortable about this (and it sounds like you are being very mindful of her feelings) and approaching this with caution is the way to go. Just starting out by telling her how great it is that she's nursing her baby might be a good jumping off place. You could then share with her all of the wierd and wonderful places you have personally nursed and just work it into general conversation.

It's awesome that you're wanting to encourage her .

[Freefromitall]

I've nursed in bathrooms before, mostly when still learning. I figure, I'm not dragging my nipples across the toilet first, so the germ issue isn't really a problem for me.
She may have been in there because *she* wasn't comfortable in public yet.

[calpurnia]

Originally Posted by Freefromitall

I figure, I'm not dragging my nipples across the toilet first, so the germ issue isn't really a problem for me.

I think the same. I don't have a problem with breastfeeding in the bathroom 'cause of hygiene reasons. I would be kinda pissed off if someone tried to tell me or my partner off about where I chose to feed my baby, when I feel it's best for us, for whatever reason, to be in the bathroom.

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by calpurnia

I think the same. I don't have a problem with breastfeeding in the bathroom 'cause of hygiene reasons. I would be kinda pissed off if someone tried to tell me or my partner off about where I chose to feed my baby, when I feel it's best for us, for whatever reason, to be in the bathroom.

I don't think it would ever be anyone's goal to tell someone "off" about where they choose to feed. It's more an encouragement to be comfortable out in public and not feel obligated or shamed into going to the bathroom.

It comes down to the old "would you eat your lunch in there?" question too. In two years, would you want your LO eating solid foods in a bathroom?

[grahamsmom98]

I never had a problem with nursing anywhere (and I never nursed ds in a bathroom, unless you count my doing it while taking a bubble bath at home! ). I was always discrete and it was never a problem, for me or anyone else. Fortunately, Ds was a quiet nurser!!

Personally, if someone told me "I heard you nursing in the bathroom the other day" I would feel really weird. I wouldn't want to think it was that noisy to other's ears. Maybe that is why she went into the bathroom, and you would be making her feel even more self-concious.

Better to have the library make things more comfortable and easy for nursing Mom's. If there already are some comfortable chairs, perhaps they could re-arrange a couple to face away from the rest of the open library space, maybe looking towards the windows or a corner covered in pretty posters. A sign stating "Shhhh, this is a quiet area for nursing Moms" would an appropriate and positive step.

It would also alert other patrons about that space, and they could make their own decision as to whether or not they were comfortable with being nearby.

A sign mentioning the breastfeeding area could be posted in the bathroom, so a nursing Mom would know the library is breastfeeding-friendly, if she wanted to nurse in the common area.

This is what our local library has done. The nursing corner has both a window looking out into the trees and posters with wonderful silly and sleepy baby images, a couple of rocking chairs, a comfy chair and a low magazine rack aimed at the toddlers that may be with Mom in the area. Only the children of nursing Moms are allowed to use that area (the magazines are the same ones in the other childrens' section.

Don't make the Mom adapt to NIP (Nursing In Public). Make the public adapt to NAAR (Nursing As A Right).

Why not approach the head librarian and voice your concerns to him/her?? Be pro-active about it, if you have strong-enough feelings on the subject.

Also, I wouldn't push LLL on another woman. I had several women ask me if I would like to know about it. It never interested me and I got annoyed at being approached about it, just because I was nursing. I finally went to one meeting (only because I had a friend that didn't want to go alone). I hated it and never went again (neither did my friend).

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by Swan3

I don't think it would ever be anyone's goal to tell someone "off" about where they choose to feed. It's more an encouragement to be comfortable out in public and not feel obligated or shamed into going to the bathroom.

It comes down to the old "would you eat your lunch in there?" question too. In two years, would you want your LO eating solid foods in a bathroom?

But the point is that there is a chance that the mom in the OP has chosen to breastfeed in the bathroom because there is where she is most comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable breastfeeding in a public place and need the privacy that a bathroom provides. Making comments asking her if she would want her 2 year old would only prove to make her feel bad for her decision (and let's be realistic, a baby nursing is not comparable to a 2 year old eating a meal in a bathroom) and possibly make her too uncomfortable to even nurse in a private place away from home.

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by TCMoulton

But the point is that there is a chance that the mom in the OP has chosen to breastfeed in the bathroom because there is where she is most comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable breastfeeding in a public place and need the privacy that a bathroom provides. Making comments asking her if she would want her 2 year old would only prove to make her feel bad for her decision (and let's be realistic, a baby nursing is not comparable to a 2 year old eating a meal in a bathroom) and possibly make her too uncomfortable to even nurse in a private place away from home.

I didn't say to say that to her, that's what I'm saying in this discussion. And I think it is comparable. No mother and child should be shamed into bathroom feeding. My comment to her would be "there's lots of comfy couches out there for you to use, and don't worry about what people are thinking"...because I'm thinking she's probably not in there because she wants to be. Maybe that's an assumption but I think it's a fair one.

[xelakann]

Nursing in my car is still my favorite place to nurse, but living in Portland I feel a lot of pressure TO nurse in public.

I am glad to hear that I am not the only women more comfortable in more private areas. For me it is because even at 11 months I am still not good at positioning my baby (which is why the car is so comfortable for me), also my baby is a loud nurser, a distracted nurser and I need to focus really hard in order to make my milk come.

My friend is totally opposite of me and is very comfortable nursing everywhere. She often prods me a little about "getting more comfortable", like I have a problem, that there is something wrong with me, because I am not as comfortable as she is. She teases me about how I'm still nursing my 11 month old and she has only seen me ACTUALLY nurse him once.

So the library situation would make me uncomfortable depending on how I was approached. But like another pp said, making the library a little more BF friendly would have helped me a lot.

I think it is sweet that the OP is concerned, but I'd tread lightly.