Money is more than just money in a relationship I think, it comes to represent other things--like freedom, autonomy, control, power . . . sometimes when one partner resists reigning in their spending when the other person is urging them to, it can be in part because they feel resentful and controlled and are deliberately overspending and know it. It's kind of an unconscious way of saying, "hey, you're not going to tell me what to do!" (I know this because I realized that until recently *I* was the one doing a little overspending in this way! 
) It seems to me that he does/should know the consequences to the finances, although may not be considering the consequences to the relationship (like that this might be the thing that pushes you over the brink to divorce). On one hand he needs a wake up call to that fact, on the other hand, it sounds like he is 1) just totally clueless about money, or, 2) has a real compulsive spending problem and is helpless to stop himself, or 3) is spending in defiance of feeling restricted. If you are on the verge of divorce for other reasons, then #3 seems like a reasonable possibility and the problem is that the more you try to communicate about it, the more he's going to shut down and resist you and try to do as he pleases. Just a suspicion . . . .
Counseling may be an option, but I don't know, and that may not bring you the financial security you need right now.
My advice is that you probably need to start taking care of yourself financially, and try to take your DH out of the picture as much as possible. This sounds difficult, I know, but my MIL did something like this in her marriage--although the particulars were different, my point is that if you sort of realize that you're not going to have his cooperation and you're on your own to provide financial security for yourself and the kids in the face of his irresponsibility, you may be able to start thinking differently about the problem and come up with a different set of solutions. This sounds harsh, but you already know that you're not going to be able to depend on him financially either in marriage or in divorce because he is unable or unwilling to be a responsible steward of his money in order to be a provider for his family. I think you need to start thinking of yourself and the kids and start making a financial exit plan. I'd start an account in my name only that he doesn't know about and start socking away money as you're able. Can you get more work or babysit or something and bring in more money? Yes, it may end up being counted as community property in a divorce or going toward some of his debt, but most likely this will end up being the money that you'd use to float you between separating and reaching any divorce settlement anyway--getting an apartment, childcare so you can get a FT job, etc. I'd also check with a family attorney or legal aid type situation, to see what advice they have now. Like are there any steps you can take to protect yourself from his bad financial habits now, or what measures to take in case of eventual separation/divorce?
I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds really stressful and awful.
) It seems to me that he does/should know the consequences to the finances, although may not be considering the consequences to the relationship (like that this might be the thing that pushes you over the brink to divorce). On one hand he needs a wake up call to that fact, on the other hand, it sounds like he is 1) just totally clueless about money, or, 2) has a real compulsive spending problem and is helpless to stop himself, or 3) is spending in defiance of feeling restricted. If you are on the verge of divorce for other reasons, then #3 seems like a reasonable possibility and the problem is that the more you try to communicate about it, the more he's going to shut down and resist you and try to do as he pleases. Just a suspicion . . . .Counseling may be an option, but I don't know, and that may not bring you the financial security you need right now.
My advice is that you probably need to start taking care of yourself financially, and try to take your DH out of the picture as much as possible. This sounds difficult, I know, but my MIL did something like this in her marriage--although the particulars were different, my point is that if you sort of realize that you're not going to have his cooperation and you're on your own to provide financial security for yourself and the kids in the face of his irresponsibility, you may be able to start thinking differently about the problem and come up with a different set of solutions. This sounds harsh, but you already know that you're not going to be able to depend on him financially either in marriage or in divorce because he is unable or unwilling to be a responsible steward of his money in order to be a provider for his family. I think you need to start thinking of yourself and the kids and start making a financial exit plan. I'd start an account in my name only that he doesn't know about and start socking away money as you're able. Can you get more work or babysit or something and bring in more money? Yes, it may end up being counted as community property in a divorce or going toward some of his debt, but most likely this will end up being the money that you'd use to float you between separating and reaching any divorce settlement anyway--getting an apartment, childcare so you can get a FT job, etc. I'd also check with a family attorney or legal aid type situation, to see what advice they have now. Like are there any steps you can take to protect yourself from his bad financial habits now, or what measures to take in case of eventual separation/divorce?
I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sounds really stressful and awful.
