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messy house, disorganization due to mental issues - Page 3

post #41 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
I wish I could put a poll on here... I mean really... I know that there are plenty of men, probably a majority of men that are neat and clean or at least keep things "ok" so I'm not bashing men.... but if we women who struggle with this, if we were men... would anyone really care that much? Or would we just be sitting on the couch after work scratching and saying, "I'm a guy, I work." And then our wives and mothers might be a little peeved from time to time but in the end laugh it off saying "he's just a guy and doesn't 'get it' but he works and treats us nice."

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Is working hard and treating the family nice enough for a woman??? No it isn't!
This really is unfortunate!

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Like at gatherings at people's houses -- how often do you see the men group together to wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen??! :

I know it sounds like I am angry at men right now... I'm not... I'm just angry with the double standard... we're working, changing dipes 24/7, breastfeeding and cooking, clipping coupons and grocery shopping, running errands, taking care of babies and tots in the middle of the night, doing everyone's laundry and everyone's dishes, wiping butts... and if we suck at any one point, somehow we've failed as women/mothers???!
Now, I do think it is important to be clean, but the tidy part I am not totally sold on, depending on the degree of untidiness ofcourse.
My brother used to live in squalor. I mean like I couldn't stand staying overnight at his house and using the bathroom at his house was horrible. It really was bad. Everyone chalked this up as him being a bachelor and even though he had 2 young girls he was raising in this serious squalor no one seemed that freaked out by it. People would comment but even the most critical people would always end whatever they said with something having to do with him being a guy/bachelor because that apparently lets you off the hook. I still thought it was nuts no matter what. I'd say he was at a level 2 and, at times, level 3 level of squalor. It was pretty bad.

We are at a 1 level of squalor and it seems as though I am judged more harshly than my brother who had animal feces in corners of the upstairs and some rooms where not even able to get in to and his kids didn't always have sheets and pillowcases to sleep on and their pillows smelled like urine and the mattresses were routinely peed on with no clean up. He was given constant credit for being such a good dad (which is true) and because he was a single dad, etc.

The double standard does suck for real. This same brother is now married to a clean freak and she doesn't like to come to our house, eat at our house and will for sure not sleep here. It really sucks. I do the best I can, and I realize it is not good enough, but it is difficult to be judged so harshly. It is also hard that, as a woman, we are expected to automatically be gifted in this area. It really does suck sometimes.
post #42 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
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My ex used to brag about how cleaning was like recreation for him, and he really was great at it.... but he thought I should be the same so he would rarely help at all and just contribute to the mess and tell me if I leave it like that then I must enjoy squalor.
This is just abusive behavior and has nothing to do, IMO, with anything but him using cleaning as an excuse to be mean. Inexcusable
That's enough to tear down anyone's self esteem and make them not want to clean anyway.
post #43 of 47
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by judejude View Post
This is just abusive behavior and has nothing to do, IMO, with anything but him using cleaning as an excuse to be mean. Inexcusable
That's enough to tear down anyone's self esteem and make them not want to clean anyway.
The divorce was finalized in May... he has surrendered all rights to these kids so that he doesn't have to pay any child support! But good riddance, I wasted all my early 20s with the jerk!
post #44 of 47
[quote]OK, well first let me say that I am big on cloth diapers and we used a diaper service until dd was past 4 (she has a disability and is still in diapers at 13).
Apparently there is some newer study, or at least it was suppressed before. Anyway, I think it was paid for by environmentalists but the results weren't what they wanted so it was never talked about. Anyway, they found that disposable diapers are better for the planet compared to cloth. They said the only way cloth would be better is if you bought diapers and used them for 3 kids (handed them down) and also only washed them in cold water (not happening) and dunked them in the toilet and maybe a couple of other things I forgot. Anyway, I believe this is probably a correct study.[quote]
I did cloth, shared dipes with friends and used on both kids. I sprayed with bi-o-kleen bac-out, no soaking, washed cold with premium powder from bi-o-kleen and was very happy. lots of enzymes in the laundry powder, warm or hot would have killed the enzymes.
post #45 of 47
[QUOTE=harrietsmama;12574961]
Quote:
I did cloth, shared dipes with friends and used on both kids. I sprayed with bi-o-kleen bac-out, no soaking, washed cold with premium powder from bi-o-kleen and was very happy. lots of enzymes in the laundry powder, warm or hot would have killed the enzymes.
Wow, good to know...however, my point I was trying to make was that disposable diapers aren't the end of the world and you should not feel guilty for doing the best you can with anything.
Trying to be supportive.
post #46 of 47
Thread Starter 
Well, my kitchen is still cluttered, but I had someone watch my kids for a few hours today and was able to clear up the living room clutter and vacuum up all the crumbs etc and take out some trash. Folded some laundry too. I feel a little relief, but then look at everything else that *isn't* done and get depressed.

My squalor tends to be level 1... except the left side of my bed is completely piled up with clothes that don't fit me since my pregnancy weight gain... every time I start picking them up and see my cute skinny jeans and tops I get more depressed and just let them lie there.

if I move to a place with a separate laundry room(and get a new washer because mine leaks!), I may try prefolds again part time with the new baby, I think I could set up a dry pail and stay on top of it because feces, filth, bacteria etc just freaks me out. My three year olds are just into everything right now and the apartment is so small. I know one baby should be a lot easier than two, so I haven't completely written it off, but it isn't #1 on my priority list right now either.

Thank you for all the responses... it is nice to feel a little less alone.

Judejude -- I'm sorry about how your brother and his wife treat you now! That just isn't fair at all.
post #47 of 47
[QUOTE=judejude;12575509]
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrietsmama View Post

Wow, good to know...however, my point I was trying to make was that disposable diapers aren't the end of the world and you should not feel guilty for doing the best you can with anything.
Trying to be supportive.
Oh, yup, sorry, I had 'spent too long on the computer' brain I totally didn't mean to be unsupportive, I just kinda went into cloth diaper land lol. No they certainly aren't the end of the world, especially now that they are so much less bulky than they used to be. Whatever it takes to make it easier to be a good mom, I agree the relationship is the number one priority. FWIW, my mom said I never wore anything but a diaper, a onesie, and depending on the weather, a blanket, until I was mobile
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