8 year old behavior

[earthus76]

DD is throwing me for a loop again - aren't they good at that? She is trying out new things on me:

lying (usually just small things that she doesn't want to do like wash her hands or brush her teeth...) I just say something like, its up to you to make sure you're an honest person, someone that people can trust. Is that enough?

Next - I will give an example. She loves climbing and jumping on the furniture which is usually ok unless we are trying to use it! "DD, please do gymnastics on mom and dad's bed instead" ... she continues doing it on the couch. This is where I go wrong and threaten "Early bed if you don't stop"
Fighting ensues ... whatever consequence I think up (usually something not very clever like 'go to your room' ) ... she refuses and I can't physically make her do it.

She is definitely testing boundaries and looking to see what consequences there are... but I haven't come up with any good ones.

Teeth brushing is the worst. A fight every night. I resorted to a star chart to earn extra computer time.

Any suggestions on how to do things better? I appreciate any feedback!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

First of all, I don't see anything wrong with a star chart if its working.

I don't have a solution for the lying thing -- but if you find one could you please share -- we are having the exact same issue with our 9 YO DS. I've actually gone a step further than you -- "You have shown I can't trust you, so for a while I will supervise you while you brush your teeth and take your medication." Which I hate but teeth need to be brushed and medication needs to be taken.

We recently moved the couch to the garage because they wouldn't stop jumping on it after repeated requests. Can't respect the couch, no couch. I think that's more logical than bedtime or room timeouts. Of course, it does inconvenience both DH and I at the same time.

So, I guess this means that we are in the same boat and I don't have any solutions either. But at least you know you aren't alone.

[phathui5]

she refuses and I can't physically make her do it.

Can you not? If my oldest wouldn't leave a room voluntarily, I could pick him up and move him.

Teeth brushing is hard. Is it that she doesn't remember to do it or that she won't do it even if you remind her. Since the natural consequence of not taking care of your teeth is cavities and dental work, I wouldn't let that one go. I could see saying "No sweets at all unless you're brushing your teeth well twice a day. Nothing with sugar in it at all."

Here are some good ideas about lying from the author of Positive Discipline:
http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/lying.html

We recently moved the couch to the garage because they wouldn't stop jumping on it after repeated requests. Can't respect the couch, no couch. I think that's more logical than bedtime or room timeouts.

I don't think I could have done that. I really like our couch. My response probably would have been more along the lines of "If you can't resist the temptation to jump on the couch, you may not go in the living room."

[sunnmama]

When my 7.5 yo is jumping on the furniture that we are sitting on, she usually needs attention more than she needs a more appropriate place to do acrobats. I will ask her once to move to another spot, and then I stop her and redirect. "No more gymnastics where we are sitting. Do you want to sit with me? (Play a game? Go for a walk together?)" If she continues, I would move to "Come on...put on your shoes....I'm taking you out to run around the block a couple of times."

[Irishmamaof3]

Originally Posted by phathui5

I don't think I could have done that. I really like our couch. My response probably would have been more along the lines of "If you can't resist the temptation to jump on the couch, you may not go in the living room."

Same here, I'd lock up the living room and tell her it will be unlocked when she's ready to respect you and your property.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by Irishmamaof3

Same here, I'd lock up the living room and tell her it will be unlocked when she's ready to respect you and your property.

You are assuming a house layout that allows for closing out a single room. Our entire first floor is open -- no doors between living room, kitchen, family room, stairwell upstairs. Different house, different practical considerations, different responses. Point being that I think its better to link consequences more directly with behavior.

[Irishmamaof3]

True, you do have to adapt to your circumstances, I just hate the idea of punishing myself for their behaviour My 8yr old has adhd, odd, dyspraxia and aspergers, so if we were to go the more 'direct' route, we'd have nothing left in the house

Star charts work really well, but consistency is the key! Keep up the good work

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by Irishmamaof3

True, you do have to adapt to your circumstances, I just hate the idea of punishing myself for their behaviour My 8yr old has adhd, odd, dyspraxia and aspergers, so if we were to go the more 'direct' route, we'd have nothing left in the house

Hm... Interesting difference in perspective. My basic assumption is that if I'm not willing to be inconvenienced for a disciplining point, then maybe its not as important as I thought it was. But, it sounds like you have a different situation than I do and, as it should be, have made different decisions.