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A babymoon is "unusual"? What? - Page 2

Poll Results: Do you think wanting and/or having a babymoon is "unusual"?

 
  • 1% (5)
    Yes, I think you're weird. Come one, come all!
  • 19% (54)
    Yes, but I realize not everyone has the same priorities. More power to you, mama!
  • 31% (85)
    No, I wanted and had a babymoon and it was great.
  • 33% (92)
    No, I didn't get a babymoon but looking back, I wish I had!
  • 13% (37)
    Other (please explain below).
273 Total Votes  
post #21 of 67
I wanted a babymoon... but try telling that to my family... picture 20 italian women and their offspring showing up at your house with enough food to feed a small country wondering where they went wrong that their own (daughter, granddaughter, niece, third cousin, hairdresser's neighbor) didnt want to see her family and how could i not let them see the bambino they have been waiting and praying for for so long.

LOL not even joking. but it turned out great for me they were a huge help they cooked and cleaned lol even if they were slightly overwhelming. DP, on the other hand, probably wanted to hide.
post #22 of 67
I didn't get one the first time around and I plan to take at least two weeks where I do as little as possible and it might even be longer than that before our first outing. I can't wait.
post #23 of 67
I don't know anyone in real life who's done a full-on babymoon, even in my local AP group, so I think it's unusual. But, if that's what you want, more power to you.
post #24 of 67
i did it. people could drop off food....but no visits over an hour.

my family live 2000 imles away though... so does dh's. and my friends were all cool.

i was lucky.

i did howver wish my midwives couldve stayed the night.. our energy was awesome & i didnt ever want them to leave. :
post #25 of 67
I voted other. I think I will let my family see the babe, maybe even the day of/day after depending on how the labor goes.

Then it will be time for a week or two of no visits whatsoever.


I figure if they stop by, see the new little one, say hi and then leave, that will get all the pressure off on both sides. And then I can just ignore the world (phone and door).
post #26 of 67
with my first we had people over the same day we came home and i wasn't real happy about it. i felt so violated...........they cleaned up even in our bedroom and have forever felt the need to comment on the state of the house at the time (it was almost 9 years ago!!!!)..........and they got there before we did even

with the next one we were living with my mom so a babymoon wasn't gonna happen, but at least we didn't have anybody over that didn't actually live in the house for at least a few days........

next time i'm so looking forward to a real babymoon, we live on our now so its do-able and over the years they've all learned to respect my boundaries to some extent, at least they'll ask before they come and i can put them off for a few days i'm sure
post #27 of 67
Quote:
I will be honest - I would not want a babymoon in the sense of no one but my kids and dh and I, because I really appreciate the help of my mother and other family members in entertaining my older kids. In that sense, though, I do like having time to myself with the baby... I just need others to help facilitate it.
Agree with this for me personally.

Also, I was so excited right after birth to show off the new baby - we were so proud and happy, we couldn't wait for the family to gather round. I was a little offended when FIL took almost 5 days to get himself motivated to show up and visit and see his first grandson.

In my family, no way would it fly to say you can't see your new grandchild for a week. They would of course respect our wishes in terms of how much company/contact/visiting we wanted in the first week or two and beyond that; but they would be hurt and sad not to meet the new baby at least briefly right away. Its such a special and short time, and I guess I don't really feel the first days belong only to the mom and dad. (I'm also one of those people who feels the wedding isn't only about what the bride wants - its a celebration for the entire tribe).

No question, everyone can feel differently about this.
post #28 of 67
Crap! I voted wrong! What I meant was that I don't think it's weird to want a babymoon the way you described but I don't think of a babymoon in those terms, personally. For me, I can't wait to have close friends and family come and meet the baby. I'm even okay with them holding him/her for a little while. But, I still consider that my babymooning period - I'm primarily with baby, staying in bed as much as possible. Just nursing, changing diapers, and falling in love. I think it's a very important time but I don't think it needs to be a time to exclude other loved ones. Whatever works for you, though, mama! I don't think it's necessarily weird by any means.
post #29 of 67
My inlaws came over the day we came home from the hospital, unannounced. I was tired and just wanted to relax with my baby. They stayed way too long and I just wanted them to leave.
post #30 of 67
I wouldn't have this kind of babymoon because my entire family is so close and it would kill them not to see the baby. When I had ds, only my mom and dh were in the delivery room, but about 20 members of dh's and my family came in about 5 minutes after they could us cleaned up. They all sang happy birthday and held him. It was a bonding experience. For us, the family is everyone. It is not just Dh, myself, and our kids. It is aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. I want them to be just as close to the kids as I am. If I can't help them with something, I want them to have a multitude of others that they are just as close to. I think that starts from birth.

Also, a babymoon is different for different people. A lot of people say babymoon, but they are talking about a little getaway for just the parents before the baby is born. We do plan on doing that. It will be our last getaway with just the two of us for awhile so it is nice to get that time to ourselves.
post #31 of 67
For me, it would feel odd. I like to jump right back into life, and I would miss my family's visits and help.
post #32 of 67
I voted other because while I think a babymoon is not unusual, I didn't think the poll options applied to my thinking. I personally don't want a babymoon as you describe. I like people coming by that first week... I guess it gives me a chance to show off my accomplishment. I also like having the help that first week. My mom comes over and does chores and helps with the older child(ren), and ladies at church bring me food for 3 weeks (!!!).

I like all the visiting to happen right away, and then after that first week, I like DH to go back to work and let me get into the swing of things with the new little one added in. And I can't really do that until people are out of my hair.

I bond just fine with my baby even when visitors come by, but it's not like we have THAT many visitors. The grandparents might stop by for a couple hours or so, but I don't have friends streaming in. Most of them leave me alone. In fact, one benefit of bringing food to someone that's just had a baby is that you get to see and maybe even hold the baby. I always sign up quick to bring food to new moms for that very reason (besides the fact that I want to provide them with a meal so the mom doesn't have to cook, of course ). I don't usually visit a new mom if I'm not bringing them food.

Also, I might be a bit clouded by the fact that my first baby was in the NICU for 4 weeks, and when I brought him home, I was told by the doctors to keep him at home until his due date (another 6.5 weeks). So we were housebound for that length of time, and I really wanted to get OUT. So with my full term baby, I was really happy to get moving right away as soon as I felt up to it! I get stir crazy if I'm home alone for a long time, and a 2 week babymoon like you describe would just make me bonkers. But that's just me. I totally understand those who like the babymoon, and I would definitely respect the wishes of a family member or friend who wanted one.
post #33 of 67
Oh, I totally had a babymoon with my babies. Though my mom was here to help clean/cook/take care of the house that sort of thing. And, this time she is coming again to help DP take care of the older kiddos. There is nothing as special as having that initial bonding time to get to know and fall in love with your baby. I also find I'm extremely posessive/protective of my little ones after they are born...I think I have a strong hormonal drive in that respect.

It's funny how other people do "assume" that my mom is coming over to help me take care of the baby. LOL. I have to inform them, nope...she's helping with everything else so I can concentrate on the baby!
post #34 of 67
Other: It's not weird; it's whatever works for you. My sister and her husband wanted time alone; OTOH, I enjoyed having my mom here for the first few weeks and liked having good friends visit in the first week.

ETA - mom was taking care of me; I'm her "baby." Snacks magically appeared, laundry was done, the kitchen was clean. That made it easy for me to take care of my baby.
post #35 of 67
I don't think that it is weird. We have requested that there be no out-of-town visitors the first week. Our whole family lives across the country, so there's no threat of them just "dropping by." Local friends will be stopping by to drop off meals for us but no one will be staying longer than 10 minutes. The way that I explained it to family is that we won't be having a hospital stay, and if we were the hospital would have regulated visiting hours for a good reason. We can't nicely tell Grandma who flew across the country that she needs to leave after thirty minutes. So, the family needs to wait until we've adjusted to being a trio and have had some recovery time. We also want Dh to use his leave to bond with the baby not to play host. Family can come after Dh uses his week of paid leave. If our family lived locally, there's no way they would respect this though. They would all just show up. In that case, we probably wouldn't announce the birth for a few days.
post #36 of 67
well, i wanted to see everybody right away and show off my baby and introduce him to my friends/family. we probably had 25 guests the first week. but i could see how someone might want some time alone with their new family... so i dont think its weird.
post #37 of 67
Didn't vote in the poll... I do think it's unusual in this culture. But it's a good thing! I wish it were more usual.
post #38 of 67
I guess if our parents were crummy people and we really didn't want to associate with them at all, it would be a different story, but yeah, it seems pretty unusual to make grandparents wait weeks or more to meet their new grandchild. I can totally understand not wanting people to camp out for hours or days or to be there minutes after you give birth, though.
post #39 of 67
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccohenou View Post
I guess if our parents were crummy people and we really didn't want to associate with them at all, it would be a different story, but yeah, it seems pretty unusual to make grandparents wait weeks or more to meet their new grandchild. I can totally understand not wanting people to camp out for hours or days or to be there minutes after you give birth, though.
My ILs are wonderful people and while I don't get along with my parents, they're not evil or anything. I just want a week alone with the new baby and DH to bond and learn to nurse in peace. And apparently I'm not the only one.

Thanks for voting and posting, everybody! It's reassuring to know that keeping things private for a short time after the birth isn't some insane, unheard of thing to do (not that that would stop me, but you know).
post #40 of 67
I was thinking "no, it's not unusual", but the more I ponder, I guess, yes, it is a bit unusual in the sense that most parents wouldn't even consider it. Wish I had time to read all the replies, but I want to just say that I would really respect anyone vocalizing that desire. I think it's kind of weird to "want" to visit a mom after such an intimate personal experience, and I personally don't do that to other moms - whether or not they think I'm weird for not doing it, I wouldn't know. I never went out of my way to encourage or discourage anyone in particular, until I was actually ready to invite them.

Great plan - enjoy!
--janis
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