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A babymoon is "unusual"? What? - Page 3

Poll Results: Do you think wanting and/or having a babymoon is "unusual"?

 
  • 1% (5)
    Yes, I think you're weird. Come one, come all!
  • 19% (54)
    Yes, but I realize not everyone has the same priorities. More power to you, mama!
  • 31% (85)
    No, I wanted and had a babymoon and it was great.
  • 33% (92)
    No, I didn't get a babymoon but looking back, I wish I had!
  • 13% (37)
    Other (please explain below).
273 Total Votes  
post #41 of 67
It somehow seems oddly contrary to the values of community and tending toward nuclear-family-isolation, though, which I often see decried here.

Also, I'm not sure if this is your first baby, but it is hard to anticipate how all-consuming and continuous are the needs of a newborn, and your need to recover after the birth. If it is just you and your husband, it seems that there may be a risk that either you will do more than you should, or your husband will have a very heavy load to carry in addition to adjusting to new fatherhood. On the whole, I think there is good reason for a tradition of family and community support after birth, not just here but in many places and times.
post #42 of 67
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ccohenou View Post
It somehow seems oddly contrary to the values of community and tending toward nuclear-family-isolation, though, which I often see decried here.
Not everyone shares the same values. I do not believe our baby inherently belongs to any "community" nor do I feel that anyone but DH and I are entitled to spend time with him. After much discussion, we have come to the conclusion that a week of private bonding is what will work best for our family. It's not as though we're retreating to a hut in the woods for the first year of his life.

Quote:
Also, I'm not sure if this is your first baby, but it is hard to anticipate how all-consuming and continuous are the needs of a newborn, and your need to recover after the birth. If it is just you and your husband, it seems that there may be a risk that either you will do more than you should, or your husband will have a very heavy load to carry in addition to adjusting to new fatherhood. On the whole, I think there is good reason for a tradition of family and community support after birth, not just here but in many places and times.
It is our first baby. DH is taking a week off from work and then working from home for the next few weeks. I will also be hiring a post-partum doula to come by as needed until we have a handle on things, which is of course quite different from having well-meaning but pushy relatives come by "to help" (i.e. to hold the baby while I play hostess in a topless, still-learning-to-nurse daze).

As others have said, different communities have different traditions. I know that in some cultures, no one would even think of intruding on the new family until at least a few days have passed; it would be considered the height of rudeness and extremely detrimental to the parents' ability to bond with their new child.
post #43 of 67
While I understand where you are coming from, and don't fault you for standing up for what you want, it's definitely not something that I would consider, not for this one anyway.

DH and I have recieved so much love and support from our family and friends that we feel it would be a real shame to exclude them from seeing the baby after s/he is born. With this LO due any day now, we already have a phone tree set up to notify everyone. Of course they all know that they can't rush right over after the birth, but I expect that for the first week or so we will have a real influx of guests. We are 100% ok with this, because we know that everyone who we invite over is motivated by love for us and our new family.

We also live with my parents, so I will still be able to take a nice long break from household responsibilities. After the initial wave, things will die down (one of the advantages to living in the middle of no where) and we will be left with plenty of bonding time. Also, I know I can count on my mom to kick people out if we really need the rest. She's great like that.

But I can totally see why one might not want all that hustle and bustle, ESPECIALLY if your family has not been supportive of your choices regarding birth and childcare. Good luck mama!
post #44 of 67
With my first, I had sort of a babymoon. My parents came to see me in the hospital, then when I came home from the hospital, my mom came over for one day.

I disliked it immensely. Everyone thought they were being so nice by giving us time to be alone and bond with our baby, but the reality was that I felt lonely and abandoned.

With my second, I chose to have the baby an hour from home, in my hometown, to make it easier for folks to visit me. There was a steady stream of visitors. I even ended up with a repeat c-section instead of a VBAC, and it was worth it because I had so many visitors.

So, while I respect it, a babymoon isn't for me.
post #45 of 67
I adored my babymoon. I have these lovely memories of snuggling DS on the couch and watching the late afternoon sunlight stream in until the sun went down.
But for me, the whole babymoon thing was less about solitude and more about relaxing and focusing on the baby. We had a few people over every day -- I'm a pretty social person and I wanted my loved ones around to see the baby -- but we kept the visits relatively short.
To me, a babymoon means giving yourself permission to not to anything that doesn't involve the baby, no housecleaning (let someone else do it), no cooking (meals are in the freezer ready to be heated) and no trips to the grocery store with a two day old baby.
post #46 of 67
I don't it's unusual at all, however, it's very uncommon. The majority of women go from the hospital, where they are surrounded by people, to home, where they are surrounded by people.
post #47 of 67
Voted other because I haven't experianced the newborn part yet. Soon though, and I can promise the only person outside the immediate family who will be present for at least a week after the baby is born will be baby-momma, and that's because she's going to bf.
post #48 of 67
I voted "other."

I don't think it is weird to want one, but I didn't and don't.

I am super social and want to be around people. I am very close with my family and wanted to see them and have them see us. We did limit visits for the first month or so (in number and length), but I was happy to have folks around.

Also, very happy that dp could take a month off work to be home with us.
post #49 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
It is our first baby. DH is taking a week off from work and then working from home for the next few weeks. I will also be hiring a post-partum doula to come by as needed until we have a handle on things, which is of course quite different from having well-meaning but pushy relatives come by "to help" (i.e. to hold the baby while I play hostess in a topless, still-learning-to-nurse daze).

As others have said, different communities have different traditions. I know that in some cultures, no one would even think of intruding on the new family until at least a few days have passed; it would be considered the height of rudeness and extremely detrimental to the parents' ability to bond with their new child.
It would be the height of rudeness, but new parents in those cultures also wouldn't even question having extended family/close friends helping while Mama and baby concentrate on each other. I guess the difference would be that they actually would be helping and you obviously feel you family wouldn't. Since you're meeting the need another way (by hiring a post-partum doula) then I guess you'll probably cope.
FWIW, my mother was desperate to come and stay after DD was born (she lives 10 hours away) and I kept putting her off as I thought I didn't want the invasion. After a week she said "you can't keep me away any longer". I was soooooooooooo wrong. She was an absolute angel, quietly going about all the household chores that were piling up, wordlessly bringing me a fresh glass of water every single time DD wanted to feed (DH was utterly hopeless at this) offering me snacks, running out to the shops at any hour of the day or night and only holding DD when I asked her to (like if I needed to go to the toilet and didn't want to take DD with me). This time round I'm going to birth in another country to my mother but I'm hoping that she'll find a way to be there.
post #50 of 67
No, I don't think you are crazy for wanting a babymoon. I plan on having a week without visitors also.

I do, however, think close family should be able to come see the baby during that time. They do need to be respectful and not stay long, but I think they should be able to see this new baby too.
post #51 of 67
im grateful that all my friends and my mom are interested in taking care of me. of course they want to see baby too, but their first priority is doing whatever they can for me - cooking for me, doing housework, what have you. they know there is a lifetime for baby. they'd stay as long as i want, they wouldnt mind a bit if i kicked them out. im so grateful ive evolved to teh point that these are the only relationships in my life anymore. and that IS a babymoon for me. i cant imagine, personally, having to draw any big ole boundries. it doesnt make sense in my world where the people i love are always cogniscent of loving me and caring for me and listening to my wishes. i can be perfectly honest with them.

even as i write this i feel so lucky. it took awhile to get relationshps to this point, with my mom and all.
post #52 of 67
i don't think it is at all! that rocks! good for you for setting boundaries. I wish i had been able to do that with my kids' births. I have boundary issues with all my family as well-it is great for you to start asserting your wishes irt your little one earlier rather than later. i can say that from experience!

enjoy your babymoon, and best wishes to you
post #53 of 67
I enjoyed having visitors in the hospital, and I enjoyed when friends brought meals the first few weeks, I especially enjoyed that they kept their visits to 10-20 minutes when dropping the food off. I'm all about a good balance. I like sharing the experience and story with my family and friends, and was happy that my mom witnessed all the births, and that my family came to visit, and I also like some down time to just snuggle and cuddle, and all of that goodness. I didn't feel that I couldn't have both worlds when my babies were born.
post #54 of 67

Not wierd, but be prepared to change your mind

I think you should do whatever you feel like. If even the thought of family and friends around stresses you out, feel free to let them know that you'll be snuggled up at home for a while and would prefer no visitors.
However, I would definitely leave the door open to the possibility of needing some help. There's no way of knowing how you, your partner, and your baby are going to be after birth and you should arrange for a person or two to be the emergency "We need help!!!" people.

My husband and I had no family or friends at the birth or for the two days after in the hospital and that was really lovely. When we returned home. close friends brought dinner that night and then my mother arrived two days later. We sort of eased our way into being around people and it worked for us.
post #55 of 67
I chose the second option, but, I don't think it's necessarily wierd - just not for me.

We went grocery shopping the day I came home. I hiked a mile in 90+ degree heat into an air show seven days after giving birth, and the in-laws arrived a few hours after that.

I would have gone insane if I babymooned - that's just my personality.
post #56 of 67
We're going to do it. Love my folks and ILs to death, but we'd prefer not having tons of ppl staying over here until we (and our new daughter and our pets) have had time to adjust to each other and the new flow in the house.

To my surprise, my DH's friends (who I thought would be totally mainstream) did an unmedicated birth followed by a babymoon.

It's been a couple weeks. The wife's mom just came to stay with them, and my DH's friend just came back to work. DH said his friend looked really happy, relaxed—not at all wiped, despite being responsible for half the work (including 1/2 the changings and all of the nighttime feedings). He attributes this to the babymoon. Trying to learn to care for an infant while entertaining guests can be taxing.
post #57 of 67
Didn't read through all the reply, so like always please excuse me if I over said something.

I think a babymoon should be a time spend bonding with your newborn baby, whether that be 40 days without your feet touching the floor with support of family, neighbours and friends, or just a few days alone. It isn't really about who is there, or not there, it is about achieving a deep and connected bond in those early days of life.

For some women the idea of being alone with only her partner (or even alone), would not be relaxing and conductive to bonding, but a stressful and difficult time. I think you really need to factor in your personality, history of illness or depression, and your primal and basic needs.

If a babymoon to you is the entire house filled with balloons and streamers and family everywhere laughing, and you are relaxed and bonding, you are having a babymoon!

I can understand your mothers point of view of 'unusual', because it is so to her.

So, to answer your question; is a babymoon unusual? No, it is not. But the arrangements of one can be so to someone else.
post #58 of 67
I don't think it is unusual and I know quite a few people who have done it and think it is great.

But it's not for me. I like having people around and I get restless if I just stay home and don't go anywhere.

Each to their own! Hope you have a wonderful babymoon when the time comes!
post #59 of 67
I've been watching a lot of "bringing home baby" lately, and I dunno how they do it. Every show is dozens of people passing around a new baby in a 24 hour period. I would kill someone.

I will have a babymoon after I give birth. For sure. I've seriously told my mother (who I live with and won't interfere) to turn people away for two weeks when/if I ever give birth to a baby. I'm a naturally private person, and I've wanted a baby for so long, all I'd want to do would be alone with my baby and get to know him/her. If people did turn up in the first week, they would not get to hold my baby. I'm sorry, deal.

Coming home to 9,537 people the day after you give birth is strange to me.
post #60 of 67
i dont think its weird but my dads family had a fit and my moms friends did as well.. i was "being rude" and "upsetting" and "mean" by not passing MY kid around to whoever wanted to coem see and hold him. : whatever. hey can see him all they want, doesnt mean im handing him over!
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