9 year old brother wants to be a girl

[LinzMommy2Be]

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place but I thought I might get some good advice/support in this forum.

My little brother is 9 years old. Not only does he want to dress like a girl and grow his hair long, he says he wants to be/ is a girl-- he has said this since a very young age. He enjoys playing dress-up, playing with Barbies and dolls and playing with makeup etc. I love him and want him to be happy and comfortable with who he is but the problem is our Dad....

My dad is NOT happy about this and does not support my brother at all. Last time I saw my brother (he is technically my half-brother and lives in another state so I don't see him too often) we were talking about what he wants for Christmas- he was crying and said that "My brothers always get what they ask for for Christmas but I NEVER do" that just broke my heart- our other brothers get whatever they want for Christmas (sports stuff, toy cars, video games etc.) but instead of getting what he asks for (makeup, barbies, dolls) my brother gets what his brothers wanted because my dad thinks that what a 'boy' should play with. I promised him that I would get him the kinds of things he likes for Christmas-- I asked him to make me a list and he was SOOOO happy! The problem is my Dad told me if I buy him these things he will be beyond mad at me and the toys will just end up in the trash because he will NOT be allowed to play with them. This is so sad

My Dads attitude is really damaging by brother. What can I do to educate my Dad and support my brother? I feel like even if I give my dad some reading materials he won't read them-- he is very close minded on this subject. I just want my brother to know he is loved just the way he is. He will be so happy opening a Barbie on Christmas but I know that it really will end up in the trash- I'm going to buy it for him anyway because I know it's the right thing to do even if my dad will be so mad at me he might not speak to me.

Other than talking about what toys he likes I haven't really talked to my brother about his feelings. I want him to know I love him the way he is even though my dad doesn't aknowledge him for who he is-- he is only 9 years old-- what can I say to him? I just feel so bad that he has no one supportive to talk to.

[Beccalina]

Wow! How sad
I think the best thing to do, if your dad won't budge at all, is to have a heart to heart with your brother and let him know that even though your dad is acting that way, that he really does love him and ensure him that there is nothing wrong with his (your brothers )behavior and that if he ever needs to talk he can always call you! Maybe you can call a therapist for yourself who can guide you on how to deal with this situation. That is so tough....I'm so sorry, I hope your dad can come to his senses and realize that all he is doing is hurting his son. Please keep us posted! Good luck to you! (((hugs)))

[ladida1977]

Wow.. This is a really hard situation. You have to feel bad for your brother. It could get worse too because as he gets older he will either start hating himself.. or hating your father. Both of those arent good. Just keep trying to talk to your father and I would say to def. buy him the dolls he wants. How does your mother or step mother or whatever feel about the situation?

[Ruthla]

I don't know if you'd be ABLE to convince your dad otherwise, if he's this set in his ways.

I think you should let your brother know that you love him just the way he is, and that there's nothing "wrong with him" for being so different from his brothers. Hearing that from even ONE adult while growing up can make a huge difference in his long-term mental health.

My concern is that, if you buy him the dolls and he's not allowed to keep them, you may find yourself cut off from your brother, and that may do him more harm in the long run. I wonder if some "compromise toys" might be a better way to go (Ken dolls instead of Barbies?) or if those would end up in the trash anyway and your brother would still be dissapointed that you didn't buy him what he'd asked for. Maybe a little bit of both? Maybe a Barbie doll plus a Webkinz (since webkinz are "dolls" but more gender-neutral)?

I can't even imagine the anguish your brother is going through, nor can I imagine a parent being THAT controlling about toys.