Can someone guide me to alternatives to ultimatums/yelling?

[kellykins]

I'm horrible at this gentle discipline thing.
I need some pointers.
I have tension/anxiety/anger issues (it is how PPD/PMDD has manifested its ugly self in me). I was taking Lexapro for this, and was told by my Dr to "step down" off of it in prep for TTC, as it is a "question mark" as to it's effects on unborns... I had only been on it for like 3 mos before coming off it, now taking basically 10mg (half a pill) every third day.

Anyhow!!
I have found that the only way to get my dd to "listen and follow direction" is to give her "breaks" (time out with a nicer name basically)
or ultimatums involving not being able to do something that I know she will want to, OR playing on her independence-- "Get in your carseat or I will pick you up and put you in there" and using the dreaded 1....2...3.... al of which seem to work very well...but it just doesnt "fell" right.....
Any ideas or help?
I have a tendency to yell and grit my teeth and get very tense, along with all of this... sigh...
ideas?
TIA, from Katelyn and I both

[New_Natural_Mom]

Positive rewards..."i'll give you this if you do that" DO NOT work long term & actually make someone actively resist doing "this" in the future. Have you read Playful Parenting? Try turning the power struggles into games.

For anxiety/stress I HIGHLY recommend acupuncture. It weaned me off all anxiety meds naturally. Best thing ever.

Good luck!

[kellykins]

Well, I guess its not really I'll give you this if you do that- it is more I'll do this FOR you (a negative in her book) if you do not....
I will check out the Playful Parenting book at the library, sounds interesting...thanks!

[lovemyfamily6]

I'm right there with you. Whenever I get overwhelmed with my older three, I fall back on what I know. Unfortunately, yelling and ultimatums is what comes naturally to me. I totally agree with you, it is working for now, but it doesn't feel right to me at all. I second the recommendation for Playful Parenting. It's a great book, and I pulled it out recently to read again.