I'm lost. Bear with me here.

[becoming]

Still having some issues over in the Taylor household.

I really, really want to move away from feeling like a "dictator" and demanding obedience from my kids. How do you run a somewhat sane household without being controlling of your children's behavior?

My goal is for them to be able to make most of their own decisions and to feel like they have a say in things that are important to them. As it is now, I am making all the decisions and many times forcing them to do things they don't want to do. Yet I don't know how to get them to do things like brush their teeth, stop interrupting me when I'm talking, take a bath, stop hitting each other, wear weather-appropriate clothing, eat enough nourishing food to survive, etc. without demanding that they do these things. Part of the problem is that I'm a control freak. The other part is that they tend toward rebellion. Both of these things make it hard for me to "let go and let them."

Any suggestions you have (books, therapy, anxiety medication ) would be helpful.

[Fuamami]

Are you able to prioritize your demands? Like, for example, it's imperative that they brush their teeth, but interrupting is more of a long-term goal. Or eating enough nourishing food to survive, for example. Do they have a choice between nourishing food and junk? If not, why would you assume that they would be suicidal? Not many behaviors are instinctual to humans, but eating seems like one of them.

It seems to me like the more flexible I can be, the more flexible my kids will be in return. So, whenever I can gently suggest that they do something, or honor their desire NOT to do something, I do. I'm probably still pretty much a dictator, but at least I tend towards beneveloncy.

[nancy926]

Pick your battles.

Here, brushing teeth is a must. The other things we let go (interrupting is going to happen for years - you should for sure explain it's rude, but don't expect it to change right away!).

Eating - we provide the food, they eat it or not. Clothing - they wear what they want, we bring along a jacket. Take a bath - how many baths does a kid really, really need? Would a quick sponge bath do the trick?

And when it's time for a "must-do", like tooth brushing, you can still make it fun. Just because it's necessary doesn't mean it has to be suffered through.

I am a reforming control freak. It is tough. But everyone is happier when I am not trying to pull everyone's puppet strings.

[jennert]

i agree with the choose your battles advice. i ask myself daily, sometimes hourly, "is this a ditch worth dying in?" sometimes it is, but often it's not really when i take a step back and reevaluate.
just a little thing. about the interrupting, here's something my mother did with us when we were growing up that i actually like and plan to do with my kids. i don't know the ages or temperments of your kids so you'd have to judge whether or not this would work for you. wherever we were, if we needed mom and she was talking to someone else, on the phone or in the middle of a project, we would walk up to her and put our hand on her shoulder or arm. she'd put her hand on top of ours as a signal: "i know you're there and will be with you asap." and then would create a break in her conversation or whatever to ask us what we needed. it really worked well for our family--i'm sure it's not an original idea of my mom's but it is a good one, i think.
speaking from my limited personal experience, it's hard being a control freak and a parent. it was hard enough for me to be a control freak and a wife! then mr. pants came along and i realized it was easy to be a wife but beyond difficult to be a mother!

[ewe+lamb]

v. quick but 'liberated parents, liberated children', 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' and lastly 'siblings without rivalry' all by Faber Mazlish, wonderful and there are workshops you can take part in too, turned my life around.!!