Wow! Lots of activity since I last looked!
I wasn't really looking for anti-unschooling ideas. More for insight into how someone coming from a place of "school is a place to build character by working out difficulties with learning and peers" might be able to dialogue with someone who is interested in unschooling. I very much value my dh's perspective and concerns. The reason I posted in unschooling was because I am coming from that perspective - and thought that others might have encountered the same concerns from a close relative or friend.
Originally Posted by Needle in the Hay
I think it might help to reassure your DH that you'll "work" with your DD on the 3 Rs (there are lots of fun ideas out there so it doesn't have to be sitting down with workbooks--though some kids enjoy that too).
Needle in the hay, I suspect that you are right about this. And I think that this would be ok with me. I probably need to be more mindful about dd's learning. I think that because I am very much into field trips as learning and daily life as learning, dh worries about how dd would learn the basics. I know that they're all over daily life, but this might work well for all of us. I also like your idea of phrasing things as "working." Dd is working on dance, lego (spatial relations), measuring, storytelling and word recognition these days.
Originally Posted by SagMom
I'd suggest thinking about how he has learned various things. Even if he says, "I was made to learn ___ and today I'm thankful for it." ask him to think about something he really enjoyed learning at that moment.
It's funny, I have asked him how he learned things, and most of it was when he was asked to sit down and do it. He went through quite a rigorous education that really challenged him mentally, and this suited his learning style. Lots of required reading, sources, and the like. My learning style is totally different, though! I think that this is one of the reasons we are having trouble discussing this.
Originally Posted by SagMom
I suppose it depends on the kind of life you're practicing for
Yes, and this is generally my point to him. The career that I have and value is one that is totally unvalued by society as a whole, but I love it. I think that he is concerned that I will raise someone who can only live outside social norms. I'm perfectly fine with that (I'm not overly fond of social norms}, but he's not!
kathymuggle, I totally agree that the routines of school are not necessarily good practice for all forms of adult life - rather for the standard format of adult life.
Originally Posted by SagMom
Difficulties with other people happen, whether one is in school or not.
Absolutely. I really feel that homelearning will expose her to a diversity of challenging situations, which I feel is better than one difficult situation with same-aged peers repeated over and over again.
library lady (abandoning the multi-quote thing here):I did well in school because I was a people pleaser and I would abandon my wants and dreams to make the teachers happy.
As did I. As did dh, to a degree. And this is what I fear most for my dd. She is a Good Kid. She shares well, gets along well in groups, loves adults, mostly tries to please. I unlearned how to be a people pleaser, and...well, I don't think that my dh has. This causes him huge amounts of stress. I think that I always need to remember that this is one of the primary reasons I'd like to homeschool.
anonymouse and philomom - thanks for your ideas. I agree that routine is very important for my dd. We have very strong home routines, and I think that they help her feel safe. I can see that it might be better for us to have more of a routine, especially if/when we start to homeschool. This would work well for all of us, I think. And while I think that children do know how to learn already, I can see myself working with dd to teach research skills, for example. In my discussions with dh, literacy and research skills have been the two main process-oriented things that we agree that dd must learn.
ruthla - thanks!I suspect your DH is primarily concerned that kids may not naturally think of all the things they "need to learn" but would be excited to learn them anyway. Unschooling does NOT mean "ignoring" your kids- it means introducing exciting ideas, having rich materials available to explore, but letting kids set the pace
Another good reminder to be more mindful in my set-up of unschooling. And yes, I think that a hybrid of introducing topics, short bursts of academics, and a lot of free time to explore would work well for us.
anonymouseHow are you going to instill independence in your children while "unschooling"?
My dd is pretty independent (some might say "bossy and strong-willed," runs in the family). As per my original post, I hope to send her to either a local p/t democratic school or a homelearning resource centre a couple of times a week. But I don't think that this seperation will make her any more or less independent. I feel that independence comes from independent thinking!
odenata -OP - Do you see school the same way your DH does?
Definitely not. He's a teacher and I am an environmental educator in a experiential learning environment. I chose this over entering the teacher education program, because I felt that it was a better fit with who I am.
karenwith4-Have you been able to discuss the school question with your DH as it relates specifically to your child's learning styles and needs? It sounds like you and your husband are coming at this from two different perspectives but basing your opinions on how school was for each of you.
I will do this. As I read through the thread, it's becoming even more clear to me that though we each understand our own learning styles well, we haven't discussed how to develop a learning program that suits dd's needs and fits each of our personalities as those involved in her education. I think that this is because she is a bright kid who gets along well with others - a good fit with school - so dh has ended the conversation there.
urklemama -I've never been successful at communicating this to any teachers, but I wish they'd realize that families who send their children to a public school classroom are a self-selected group.
And I've never quite thought of it in that way either, so thank you!
zeldamama -Children should learn to demand to be treated well, not to cope with mistreatment.
A good way to look at this.
Thank you for the book recommendations. I will read them myself and recommend some to him that I know will work for him. He has enjoyed a couple on more general parenting topics that I sent his way.
This discussion has been so useful - thank you!