traumatic 2nd stage and what to do differently next time?

[Mom2baldie]

I guess I could/should have posted this in Birth and Beyond, but I feel much more comfortable here, so here goes...

With my last homebirth there were several things that went wrong, but I feel that pushing was the absolute hardest, worst, most extremely painful part and is what has stayed with me the most after the birth and during this pregnancy.

I am 3 weeks from my due date and have a great MW this time! She is a total love. However, I really haven't talked to her a whole lot about pushing with this birth because I get too panicky and I am not really sure what to tell her as far as how she can help me. My last MW did nothing to help me through the last birth, so I guess I am not really even sure what my options are.

I was wondering, for anyone who had a really hard 2nd stage, what would have helped you cope with it better? Or even if you didn't have a hard time with pushing what made it "okay" for you? What can I do to have an easier time emotionally during this part of the birth? I have my 37 week appt. tomorrow and am going to try really hard to actually have a conversation about this without getting all stressed out.

Thanks for any input!

[Jesskathand]

I've never ben in labor but do talk to your midwife! I know its hard to bring up our fears but it will make things better.

Be strong!

[Romana]

I had a traumatic second stage with both my first and second births. The second was probably worse, but they were really bad (one was really long and painful, the other was just extremely extremely extremely painful).

In preparation for the second birth, I had a hypnotherapy session that was very helpful. It didn't make the second birth any easier, but it helped me emotionally before the birth. Just helped me feel less anxious, frustrated, etc.

I tried everything to make it easier - herbs, chiro, visualization, positioning, waterbirth, blah blah blah. None of that helped at all. I don't think it hurt, of course, and I think the chiro certainly helped my SPD during the pregnancy and maybe made the birth better, too. But honestly, it was just really really awful, and I don't think there was anything I could do to make the birthing part easier.

Emotionally, it was helpful to know that (a) it might be that awful; and (b) to have a really supportive midwife and doula (and husband!!) who all validated my feelings about the birth afterwards and agreed that sometimes birth just sucks and there's nothing you can do about it that you haven't already done. We were both physically fine and I got a beautiful baby boy, but the birth itself was awful and that's how I feel about it and expect to going forward; that's just how it was. I'm considering an epidural if we have a third child, but I'm undecided on that. Fortunately, again, my midwife, doula and husband are all supportive of whatever choice I make in that regard. My midwife even said she would do a planned epidural hospital birth with me, though it isn't something she normally does (yeah for birth choices and supportive HCPs!). I honestly believe that is the most important aspect of preparation for a subsequent birth after a difficult birth (supportive HCPs and partner).

There are no guarantees either way, and I know so many women who've said the second time was a lot easier. I hope it is for you! But I'm not going to tell you it will be, because I don't know that. Just know that you're not alone, and you have options - do what is right for you and your baby.

[rhoneyes]

I have only had one baby. But I can tell you what didnt work for me.

First of all I did not understand what my body was doing. I seriously didnt recognize when it was time to help push. My body began pushing long before I did..and long before I acknowledged my body. Sounds crazy..like how could I not know. But the pain and sensations were overwhelming and I couldnt think.

But next time I would try and remember to listen to my body and do what its doing. Not to fight the instincts that we have inside of us.

The fear is what made me transfer to a hospital. Once I was with a midwife she told me to push with each contraction when I felt the need. JUst having that guidence helped so much. So listen to yourself and listen to your chosen coach.

Also the position was key. I wanted to be in a position where I felt in control. WHere I could reach down if I wanted to. I also asked for the freedom to move if I wanted to. Once I was there my mind cleared I found my position and visualized my babys head and his body coming out of mine. This allowed me peace. I remember feeling the pain of the tear as he was stretching me, but it was nothing compared to the pain prior.

so my advice is to acknowledge yourself, your body, and baby. Find a position and mental state that allows YOU to have the control. Find a coach that also gives you this freedom. I feel that the fear I had is what made part of my experience bad..

good luck and congrats!!!