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Who is sure that people will be rude to them when they share the news?

post #1 of 51
10/30/08 at 12:42pm
Thread Starter 
This is baby 6!
People already stare at us and whisper when we walk down the street.
DH is a pastor and I am a SAHM, so we live in a modest income.
People know that, specially the neighbours (the parsonage happens to be in an affluent neighbourhood, so we are an aberration as it is :roll: Oh, and we homeschool!!

My MIL is such a witch! I want her to be the last one to know!! Last time she saw me (in June) she said: "You have to get fixed! Your body is looking terrible after all these kids, and you can barely take care of the ones you have!"
SIL says that one of the reasons is that she is very concerned that I will out do her when it comes to number of kids (she has 7) Like I want to compete with her!! Arghhhhhhh

Anyway, I am not looking forward to walking down the street with a huge belly and 5 kids under 11 on toll... I mean, I mostly don't care, but some days rude comments get to me...

I told DH that I am afraid some day I will get so fed up with strangers coming up to me and asking WHY I have so many kids, that I may just answer: "It is because my husband and I like to **** "

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post #2 of 51
10/30/08 at 1:39pm
This will be our 3rd and I am sure that at least one of my close friends will have something unkind to say. My MIL wanted us to have another, but her reasoning is very rude. I have 2 boys and of course she insists that we have a girl. Uh, how am I supposed to do that? So I know she is going to say something mean if this one is a boy.
So I'm not in the exact same boat as you, but am worried about telling some people. I feel sad about it because I just want everyone to be as happy as I am!
post #3 of 51
10/30/08 at 5:18pm
I think we can expect this from some family members. It really burns me up that people can't just be happy for you and let any other issues they may have go.
post #4 of 51
10/30/08 at 5:28pm
Not about having "too many" But I've found that when your pregnant everyone is 10X stupider and 10x more rude (Is that just hormones? ) I can expect comments (lots of comments) about Homebirth, Circ, Vax Etc. But this time around Im so much more confident in my decisions hopefully I can let it roll off my back.
post #5 of 51
10/30/08 at 8:51pm
This will only be #2 for us, but I suspect there may be some people who will give us rude comments because of our financial situation.. (DH is unemployed- collecting unemployment, but hasn't been able to find a decent job). Well, we were actually planning on waiting a little while longer to TTC (even though we wanted to sooner, but I was charting and trying to be careful).. anyway, I had a fluke cycle and O'd waaay earlier than normal.. so here I am.

I am happy, DH is happy, our family will mostly be happy.. but just concerned about finances. I will probably tell them, I have most everything I need because I saved everything including diapers from DS. If I have a girl I can spend $15 at a thrift store and get plenty of clothes (assuming no one buys anything for *her*).
post #6 of 51
10/31/08 at 10:18am
Quindin, my brother and sister in law have 5 under 8 years of age, and due for another one soon, homeschool, and homestead. I must admit it took some getting used to, and inner-family concern about their ability to take care of them, but when I visit I am so thankful that there are at least 5 more sweet, respectful, intelligent little kids being raised into this world. And recognize, from my perspective, how many people who are critical just have their head up their ass for sake of having it there. 5+ kids is intimidating to me personally, but they have a community (the church) and the capability. So thank heaven for these great little beings!
post #7 of 51
10/31/08 at 1:11pm
I guess I may have people not so happy with me.

THe pregnancy is with my ex.. whom is what he is.. an ex... and i told them i was no longer involved with him (physically).. well i guess this truth will really be told now

oops....
post #8 of 51
10/31/08 at 1:38pm
It's partly my own fault but I know my mom will tell me I'm nuts. For the last year I've been saying we are absolutely DONE-no more babies! But my DH wouldn't go get snipped because he wanted 1 more and kept hoping I'd change my mind. I DIDN'T change my mind but I guess fate has something else in mind for me.
So I know she'll look at me like I was a dumb teenager or something and say "there are ways to prevent that ya know"

My MIL will give me a funny look too like "aren't we a little old for that?" but she'll be fine in the long run. She's finally gotten used to our unconventional ways.

I have a few friends that will say we're nuts but will be supportive. We started late compared to most of our friends that have teenagers already. They'll just be glad they get to hold a baby but not have to keep it
post #9 of 51
11/2/08 at 12:34pm
I'm really scared to tell my mom, really. She was, shall we say, less than enthusiastic when I told her I was pregnant with DS. I think part of it is that she gets so worried about me because pregnancy is not kind to me, she'll also probably be very worried about how I'll care for my kids if I'm as sick as I was with both previous pregnancies. I don't know, I'm just scared to tell her, I'm almost positive her reaction will upset me in some way.

I'm unsure how my family will react, too.

So far I've only told people who I knew would be excited and supportive. I feel so sad that I feel this way, that I know people will make rude or unwelcome comments. It's like only the first pregnancy is exciting or worth celebrating.
post #10 of 51
11/4/08 at 5:39pm
Yes - people will be rude - they always are...sometimes I don't even think they know it!

Read this: http://www.plomp.com/largefam/comebacks.htm

It's a fabulous list of comebacks for parents of large fams.:
post #11 of 51
11/4/08 at 5:47pm
Me. This will be #4 for us. We have a 4.5 yr old, a 2.5 yr old, and a 10 mos old. My family will flip cos they thought 3 was too many. DH's fam will flip cause #3 and 4 will be so close in age, and our money situation is not stable right now. But like my DH says, they're our kids, not there's!
:
post #12 of 51
11/4/08 at 6:23pm
I'm not looking forward to telling family, because my Mom stresses (and shows it) about me having to take care of 3 little ones (no matter how much I tell her that it's not difficult & I love it!) and she knows I'm not so great with the finances sometimes. The biggest reason I'm not wanting to tell yet is because we're paying my in-laws back for a vehicle they bought for DH for work (MIL & DH did it without consulting me first )... and now we will have to somehow buy a bigger vehicle for me.

I'm really struggling with that right now... wanting to pay the in-laws back with tax refund, needing to save for another vehicle, and REALLY wanting a homebirth ($3,000 = $375/month). I really want to have a financial plan before telling everyone, but I'm showing already and it's hard trying to hide it.
post #13 of 51
11/5/08 at 11:20am
My MIL and SIL's are always making nasty comments. This is my 5th pregnancy, and it's sad that we have never gotten a "congratulations" from them. I think my SIL's are just jealous because they are well over 30 almost 40, unmarried, no dating relationships, and miserable. Due to there behavior they are not apart of our lives, DH does call them every blue moon though. I told him not to bother telling them that I am pregnant since I know they will have negative comments. I would rather them hear it from my FIL or DH's other family members. In the end, all that matters is we love each other, our kids, and can take care of them.
post #14 of 51
11/5/08 at 2:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil'mama View Post
Me. This will be #4 for us. We have a 4.5 yr old, a 2.5 yr old, and a 10 mos old. My family will flip cos they thought 3 was too many. DH's fam will flip cause #3 and 4 will be so close in age, and our money situation is not stable right now. But like my DH says, they're our kids, not there's!
:
Wow, lil'mama, we're mirror images!
I have three the same ages.

I knew my parents and family would be the ones with the negative comments. After #2 they were already saying : "you know what causes that, right?" They also have loads to say in opposition to my opinions on vax, circ, discipline...pretty much everything parental. I have a friend who has made comments on how we'll "always be poor" when she found out about #3. : (we're not poor, but don't live according to her standard of living so I guess that's the qualifiying factor. )

We're excited and happy though. We weren't sure if our family was "complete" and I guess it wasn't yet.

Family has been accepting, thus far. Haven't told everyone. My friends that know have all been very supportive. I already get the: "you've got your hands full!" and "I don't know how you do it" comments from strangers. Can't wait to see expressions when I have a big belly or another baby in my arms!
post #15 of 51
11/5/08 at 4:38pm
I am going to get the trying for a boy thing for sure. We always talked about having three kids, so this won't be too big of a suprise for anyone.
post #16 of 51
11/5/08 at 5:08pm
I'm not looking forward to telling my doctoral committee. They won't be rude but they will be very concerned.
post #17 of 51
11/6/08 at 3:46pm
I have mixed feelings about this. I am really excited to share with DH's family! I know that they will be supportive and excited! My parents on the other hand...I am NOT looking forward to talking with! I was just on the phone with my mom and she was asking if "when you guys decide to have kids" (she's thinking 2+years out) are you going to be a SAHM? Or work? Or will you want to/be able to? I mentioned that even if the money's tight there are WIC and other programs...then I got the 'that's welfare" and "that discourages hard work" lecture! grrr! My DH works sooo hard but when the times are tight, the younger guys just don't get work as easily!
post #18 of 51
11/9/08 at 12:31am
We will for sure! We have 6 boys (10; 8; 5;; 3; 3; 2) The two 3 year olds are not twins, 1 is bio, 1 is adopted. We have just moved to Canada from South Africa and I'm stalling telling my parents and in-laws. I think we will just send them an e-mail with a poem announcing the pregnancy and a list of successful people who were 7th children. Then they can call us when they feel positive enought to talk to us.
post #19 of 51
11/9/08 at 10:58am
I think our fams will be mad that we waited until Christmas to tell them. I've been having trouble telling everyone that we aren't pg when we are. My MIL may be less than thrilled though. She tried to give us the "two children are just too expensive talk" about 4 months ago, but I refuse to see children as a liability. But, I think she'll be secretly thrilled.
post #20 of 51
11/9/08 at 12:38pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMYS View Post
We will for sure! We have 6 boys (10; 8; 5;; 3; 3; 2) The two 3 year olds are not twins, 1 is bio, 1 is adopted. We have just moved to Canada from South Africa and I'm stalling telling my parents and in-laws. I think we will just send them an e-mail with a poem announcing the pregnancy and a list of successful people who were 7th children. Then they can call us when they feel positive enought to talk to us.
Yay for sevens! Let me know what you find out about successful sevens! And mega-congrats...remember, while seven might seem like a lot - the Duggars will always have more!
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Archives › Pregnancy Archives › July 2009 › Who is sure that people will be rude to them when they share the news?