How do you tell someone to *please* stop asking??

[cristeen]

My grandmother is driving me insane. I know she wants a great-grandchild. I suspect that's one of the only things that has kept her alive after grandpa died. But I can't control it! And EVERY SINGLE TIME I talk to her, she asks. Either "any news?" or "pregnant yet?" or something similar. Last time we talked, it took everything I had not to snap at her. Especially when she went from "any news?" to "have you considered it might be your weight?" I REALLY wanted to say something along the lines of "Gee, we never even considered that, but you're so right, we've been wasting our money paying the professionals all these years, I'll just go lose some weight and then it'll happen, that's the ticket!" :

So what can I say to her that isn't going to upset her, but is still going to get across the fact that her continuing to harp on the subject is very painful for us?

[songbird45]

break down in tears in front of her the next time she asks. with luck her human instinct will kick in and she'll care about your feelings more.

ok, so there's no way I could do this. but it's all I've got. I'm sorry that she's so insensitive.

I sent my mom this article and she really backed off after that. I don't know if it would work in your case.

[DaisyMae08]

Songbird, that's a great article. Thanks for sharing it. I intend to pass it along.

[cristeen]

Thank you for that article, songbird!

[nummies]

I would just say "Grandma, we are really trying hard and hopeful. How about I tell you when it happens? It is just so hard to have to tell you "no" all the time. I know it hurts you and it is really hard for me. Now, can you pass the salt?"

Good luck hun!

[Happily Blessed]

Big hugs to you!

I would talk with her and let her know that you are trying, seeking professional help, and really trying not to pay attention to everybodies advice, as well meaning as it might seem. I would tell her that you appreciate her support and that when it happens, she will be one of the first people to know because you know her excitement. Let her know of the painful feelings you have when she asks you each time you talk or gives you advice.

Hang in there, it is hard when everybody has to put their 2cents in.

laural

[crazyrunningmama]

Say: "please stop asking". I had to do that with my mother and many others (totally kicking myself for even hinting that we were ttc in the first place). You need to protect yourself.

[poetgirl]

Maybe say how much you love talking to her but when she brings that up it's very emotional and sensitive for you and it makes you not want to talk to her. This might not work w. every relationship but when someone knows something they are doing is making you want to avoid them when you would rather not avoid them, it can help extinguish the unwanted bit pretty fast. If that's appropriate.
I'm sorry. It's so hard to have to answer to this. We just moved from a place where everyone knew and asked me constantly despite my clear don't ask me language. Now that I am in unfamiliar terrain and no one knows me well enough to know or ask, I realize what a toll it took on me. Cristeen.

[Victorian patch]

I use generally 3 habitual answers that give good result for me.

The first one is when they ask respectfully, I say to them the following thing ... "regrettably they declared us as unfertile partner in spite of having used the help of the science" ... never again they have asked me and they even have offered me money to keep on trying it.

The second one is when they insist on the absence of frequency or of really trying it ... then there I say to them the following thing ... "a major frequency not improves the spermatic quality and neither it increases the probabilities ovulation, on the contrary, it can increase moreover our condition of unfertility, for the same, the specialists recommend a rule programmed to try to achieve a pregnancy" ... with this response they feel uncomfortable and do not ask again

And finally ... the one that more I hate of the comments ... "Only one son, you cannot be so slack!!!" ... to what I answer in a diplomatic and ironic tone ... "they have not taught you that to whom God does not give to him any more children the devil gives his dogs" : ... with this response generally they stay with a face of having regretted having realized similar comment and simply they ask for excuses.

I hope that these responses you should be of some help, at least for me they work, a lot of luck