Anyway... we had a lovely Halloween here, DD and I as butterflies, DS as a caterpillar, and DH as a "butterfly scientist" per DDs mandate.
Did a little trick or treating around local businesses, went to a festival in the park with some friends, had dinner with friends while the girls carved a pumpkin. After everyone else was abed, I did a little meditation.
I picked a couple things from my grandmother's cookbook to make for a Samhain dumb (meaning silent!) supper tomorrow with my coven. Candied pecans I think.
I want to do some more meditation around DS, but I've been a little spooked about doing it. Two years ago on Samhain, I invited into circle two babies from my extended family, one who died young of SIDS (cousin) and one who my mother miscarried. They were soooo happy to be there, crawled around, toddled around. They kept showing up in my meditations for weeks after that. They asked me to be their mother. I said yes, but only 1 at a time (no twins) and only if they wanted to live long, full, healthy lives this time.
In January, I conceived DS. I believe him to be the spirit of the miscarried baby. He was also suspected to be twins at one point and I meditated all weekend talking to them, saying "I am not willing to be the mother of twins right now. That's not what I agreed to."
In October last year, DS was born in a beautiful home birth. 9 days later, he spiked a fever and wouldn't nurse. I ended up taking him to the ER, where they did a spinal tap, catheter, IV, all manner of difficult medical interventions. In the end, it was a virus, tylenol brought his fever down and he would nurse great when the fever was down. I came down with PPD and/or PTSD from the experience and was treated for that earlier this year. I missed Samhain last year because DS was just out of the hospital and I could NOT subject him to Samhain energy.
I keep kicking a couple of things around in my head related to the hospital stay... the whole time it felt to me like a nightmare from someone else's life, like I was thrust into something I couldn't control, stop, mitigate, or affect in any way really. I wonder if he as a spirit needed to go through it all, carried over from a previous life. I also have been ANGRY at the goddess I work with most often for being so utterly unhelpful during the hospital stay. I have been growing closer to Mary, despite never having a connection with her before, she was such a non-figure in the Christianity I grew up in. But it was a Catholic hospital, so my coven leader said "Well, when in Mary's house, worship Mary as a face of the supreme Goddess." I've continued to feel close to Mary this past year, and I really want some Mother Goddess energy going forward as well.