{November} Pagan Families Circle! - Page 42

[BellaLuna Rayne]

Hi Sisters!

I could really use some vibes today. I am getting that lost feeling back. I am going to do some tapping in a little bit and write down more affirmations. I am running out of things to write down though, because I can't figure out how to word things that I am thinking about right now.

I hope everyone is having a lovely, quiet day.

[Aeress]

Bella- can I light a candle for you? *hugs*

[BellaLuna Rayne]

That would be wonderful thank you!

I just did an 18 minute stress relief tapping video. I feel a bit better now. I know AF should be here soon and that is definitely affecting how I am reacting to things.

[DaughterOfKali]

I wonder if my library has a tapping dvd. I know nothing about it.
Hope you feel better soon.

[BellaLuna Rayne]

DH called and we got into a huge fight. Then, after an hour of talking we kind of worked things out. He got promoted to SGT today and I didn't find that out until after the first 1/4 of the fight.

He told me that he would do whatever it took to make sure I went to midwifery school. His promotion is backdated to Oct 15th, so he should be getting some back pay soon. Hopefully all this back pay he is getting will be enough for me to put some money up for midwifery school.

I am feeling like a horrible wife for fighting with him over money...again. I just wish I knew what to do to help him. He told me that he has been cutting and burning himself to stay awake. He also said not to worry because there were no scars, which I find weird.

I need to find someway to organize some sort of care package blitz.

[simplespirit]

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

Hi Sisters!

I could really use some vibes today. I am getting that lost feeling back. I am going to do some tapping in a little bit and write down more affirmations. I am running out of things to write down though, because I can't figure out how to word things that I am thinking about right now.

I hope everyone is having a lovely, quiet day.

I struggle with a 'lost' feeling as well... I understand

[gun]

We went to my Dad's today and had a great visit. He looks terrible but had some energy for our visit so that was good. DD kept saying "Gampa" and that was a huge hit. But I realize they must hate me because we now having a snowman that shrilly sings Jingle Bells. And of course DD wants to listen to it and watch it dance over and over!!

Hugs to anyone that wants it, and a gentle pat from a distance for those with boundary issues!!

[CariOfOz]

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

I am feeling like a horrible wife for fighting with him over money...again. I just wish I knew what to do to help him. He told me that he has been cutting and burning himself to stay awake. He also said not to worry because there were no scars, which I find weird.

First off.. that bolded bit needs some attention! I know that they have people to talk to over there and he needs to find one, they can be very discreet so that he doesn't cop any flack. But if he's inflicting harm on himself that is not healthy and is a symptom of a larger problem than just needing to stay awake. He NEEDS to get some help finding healthier coping mechanisms! Those behaviors could come back to haunt him as the military doesn't care for anything resembling an emotional/mental health issue.

And now Money, don't feel crappy for arguing over it.. I think about 70% of all spouse fights ARE over money. The other 30% over sex LOL. (I'm just guestimating there but I doubt I'm far off )

The boys & I decorated our twig tree yesterday... very charlie brownish I must say and they are all walking around with bits of tinsel garland draped around them today. We had a very bad start to the day, ending with me being a horrible mother and smacking my 4yo. I guess that's a bit of an understatement really. I am completely ashamed of myself and dont think I could hate myself much more if I tried really hard I'm going to google up some meditative music and try to drown out some of this negativity and get myself in a better space.

[BellaLuna Rayne]

Originally Posted by CariOfOz

First off.. that bolded bit needs some attention! I know that they have people to talk to over there and he needs to find one, they can be very discreet so that he doesn't cop any flack. But if he's inflicting harm on himself that is not healthy and is a symptom of a larger problem than just needing to stay awake. He NEEDS to get some help finding healthier coping mechanisms! Those behaviors could come back to haunt him as the military doesn't care for anything resembling an emotional/mental health issue.

And now Money, don't feel crappy for arguing over it.. I think about 70% of all spouse fights ARE over money. The other 30% over sex LOL. (I'm just guestimating there but I doubt I'm far off )

The boys & I decorated our twig tree yesterday... very charlie brownish I must say and they are all walking around with bits of tinsel garland draped around them today. We had a very bad start to the day, ending with me being a horrible mother and smacking my 4yo. I guess that's a bit of an understatement really. I am completely ashamed of myself and dont think I could hate myself much more if I tried really hard I'm going to google up some meditative music and try to drown out some of this negativity and get myself in a better space.

DH is not "home" enough for him to go to counseling and the last time I asked him about it he said the nearest counselors were an hour or more away at a different location. My Mom thinks he is b.s.-ing me and told me to ask him for pictures, which I thought was insensitive.

for loosing your temper. It happens to the best of us, try not to beat yourself up too much and just look to see what you can do differently. I really like Ah-Nee-Mah for meditative music.

[Leilamus]

Originally Posted by CariOfOz

First off.. that bolded bit needs some attention! I know that they have people to talk to over there and he needs to find one, they can be very discreet so that he doesn't cop any flack. But if he's inflicting harm on himself that is not healthy and is a symptom of a larger problem than just needing to stay awake. He NEEDS to get some help finding healthier coping mechanisms! Those behaviors could come back to haunt him as the military doesn't care for anything resembling an emotional/mental health issue.

And now Money, don't feel crappy for arguing over it.. I think about 70% of all spouse fights ARE over money. The other 30% over sex LOL. (I'm just guestimating there but I doubt I'm far off )

The boys & I decorated our twig tree yesterday... very charlie brownish I must say and they are all walking around with bits of tinsel garland draped around them today. We had a very bad start to the day, ending with me being a horrible mother and smacking my 4yo. I guess that's a bit of an understatement really. I am completely ashamed of myself and dont think I could hate myself much more if I tried really hard I'm going to google up some meditative music and try to drown out some of this negativity and get myself in a better space.

s Aww, Cari, it's ok. At least you have the ability to recognize that you weren't parenting the way you wanted to and you're addressing it. We all have crappy days to, I give you major kudos for being open and honest about it and trying to find a solution to whatever might have triggered/caused it. I hit my 2 yo on the back last week b/c he bit me really hard while nursing, it was a quick, like "OMG That hurts, stop!" thing but I know it scared him and I felt horrible for it afterwards. Big ole to you...I wish I had something better to say but this mama gig is a hard one!

We had a great visit with my childhood friend today. We visited at her house and then did some crafts at her godmother's down the road. I brought Nate DS#2 with me and he had a blast. We painted a bunch of gords and made pasta angels etc so he loved it and my friend, her godmother and I had a great chat while working together. Definitely got my creative energy going!

We're putting up our Yule tree tomorrow, DP and I just agreed on a spot for it. So I'm going to dig out the stuff for our altar tonight I think. I'm really excited for Yule but also freaking a little because I have SO much to finish making. Time to get crafting!

[Maiasaura]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

or last night or something. when i woke up this morning we had a couple of inches on the ground and more is coming down. everything is so white. it is beautiful.

*where* is the green-with-envy smiley? : man, i am so jealous.

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

I am feeling like a horrible wife for fighting with him over money...again. I just wish I knew what to do to help him. He told me that he has been cutting and burning himself to stay awake. He also said not to worry because there were no scars, which I find weird

bella-- i know this is a forum, and i know we don't know each other from jack, so you can tell me to buzz off-- but i'm going to lay this flat out. y'all have got some serious issues going on and if *he* doesn't get counselling, YOU better. either y'all are too immature to be married, or he's got mental issues, or maybe both of you do-- but sheesh, grrrrl, get yourselves some help. venting off to us isn't going to do diddly unless you *listen* to one of us. i prolly should be PMing this but i feel like being brave enough that i hope someone else will chime in and agree with me. stop enabling that boy! it does not sound at all like it's your fault that there's money problems. you have no business feeling guilt over this, and if he's cutting, he has major issues. i used to be a cutter; i know. and if he's not, he's pulling some major babyish cr*pola to push your guilty-buttons, and it's working. if you can't find a counsellor that you like, try Al-Anon-- you didn't mention alkie issues, but i'd bet dollars to donuts that they are lurking beneath the surface somewhere. if not him, then immediate family. and Al-Anon is FREE. and ANONYMOUS. girlfriend-- go now. do not walk. RUN. k?
and then-- get out and do something for yourself. stop agorophobing around the house and get involved. with *some*thing. it's a perfect time to help the homeless, or something, or become a candy-striper or...anything. you are alone in your own head and that is not a good space to be in.
ok, now i'm done yelling at you
sorry for the blast. just-- i've heard it too many times in other places with other faces, and i will leave you with a gem from AA: nothing changes if nothing changes. here is another: insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.

think about it.

Originally Posted by gun

But I realize they must hate me because we now having a snowman that shrilly sings Jingle Bells. And of course DD wants to listen to it and watch it dance over and over!!

Hugs to anyone that wants it

ROFL i thought you meant anyone that wants the *snowman*

Originally Posted by CariOfOz

We had a very bad start to the day, ending with me being a horrible mother and smacking my 4yo. I guess that's a bit of an understatement really. I am completely ashamed of myself and dont think I could hate myself much more if I tried really hard

aww, mama we have ALL done that, i'll wager. me, more times than i care to count. tomorrow is another day. talk to him and explain you had bad behavior and you're sorry, and i'm sure he'll get it.
one thing i tell my ds is that people say things and do things when they are angry that they *never* would do, or say, or mean, when they are not angry, and to not take (the words especially) seriously. because the bottom line is i love him, no matter what.

[redveg]

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

Hi Sisters!

I could really use some vibes today. I am getting that lost feeling back. I am going to do some tapping in a little bit and write down more affirmations. I am running out of things to write down though, because I can't figure out how to word things that I am thinking about right now.

I hope everyone is having a lovely, quiet day.

Wow, have I been there!:

Originally Posted by brendon

Bella- can I light a candle for you? *hugs*

: If you don't mind, I will too.

Originally Posted by CariOfOz

First off.. that bolded bit needs some attention! I know that they have people to talk to over there and he needs to find one, they can be very discreet so that he doesn't cop any flack. But if he's inflicting harm on himself that is not healthy and is a symptom of a larger problem than just needing to stay awake. He NEEDS to get some help finding healthier coping mechanisms! Those behaviors could come back to haunt him as the military doesn't care for anything resembling an emotional/mental health issue.

And now Money, don't feel crappy for arguing over it.. I think about 70% of all spouse fights ARE over money. The other 30% over sex LOL. (I'm just guestimating there but I doubt I'm far off )

The boys & I decorated our twig tree yesterday... very charlie brownish I must say and they are all walking around with bits of tinsel garland draped around them today. We had a very bad start to the day, ending with me being a horrible mother and smacking my 4yo. I guess that's a bit of an understatement really. I am completely ashamed of myself and dont think I could hate myself much more if I tried really hard I'm going to google up some meditative music and try to drown out some of this negativity and get myself in a better space.

: On the bold issue!!

CariOfOz..I don't think there is a mother alive who hasn't at one time felt ashamed of how the reacted. Don't beat yourself up. I can't count the times I have asked my kids to forgive me for the way I behaved.

[gun]

Mercyn, you had some great advice up there!! I am still so new here to really 'know' anyone, or really say much, but I do know what being in a horrible marriage had felt like. I hope everyone that is in a tough relationship can find a way to happiness.

And on another note - I do have a snowman that needs a home!

[BellaLuna Rayne]

Originally Posted by mercyn

*where* is the green-with-envy smiley? : man, i am so jealous.



bella-- i know this is a forum, and i know we don't know each other from jack, so you can tell me to buzz off-- but i'm going to lay this flat out. y'all have got some serious issues going on and if *he* doesn't get counselling, YOU better. either y'all are too immature to be married, or he's got mental issues, or maybe both of you do-- but sheesh, grrrrl, get yourselves some help. venting off to us isn't going to do diddly unless you *listen* to one of us. i prolly should be PMing this but i feel like being brave enough that i hope someone else will chime in and agree with me. stop enabling that boy! it does not sound at all like it's your fault that there's money problems. you have no business feeling guilt over this, and if he's cutting, he has major issues. i used to be a cutter; i know. and if he's not, he's pulling some major babyish cr*pola to push your guilty-buttons, and it's working. if you can't find a counsellor that you like, try Al-Anon-- you didn't mention alkie issues, but i'd bet dollars to donuts that they are lurking beneath the surface somewhere. if not him, then immediate family. and Al-Anon is FREE. and ANONYMOUS. girlfriend-- go now. do not walk. RUN. k?
and then-- get out and do something for yourself. stop agorophobing around the house and get involved. with *some*thing. it's a perfect time to help the homeless, or something, or become a candy-striper or...anything. you are alone in your own head and that is not a good space to be in.
ok, now i'm done yelling at you
sorry for the blast. just-- i've heard it too many times in other places with other faces, and i will leave you with a gem from AA: nothing changes if nothing changes. here is another: insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.

think about it.

I am not even really sure how to respond to this right now. I think its way harsh and would have been best put into a PM.

My husband cannot get counseling in the location that he is at, I stated that in a previous post. He is not "home" at his location enough to get it and its over an hour away. We have discussed this numerous times already.

As for counseling for me. I went to one, she was a nutter. I spent two days after that calling counselors in a 20 mile radius, they were all booked, not taking people with insurance, etc. My current car is pretty much toast and I do not feel safe driving more than 20 miles for a counselor, even that is excessive.

As for my "agoraphobia", sitting there and basically reducing it to an "oh, get over it" and get out of the house is not helpful at all. I try to get out of the house, heck I have even gone to a knitting group twice which is something I would never have done in the past.

If it was something I could just flip a switch on and get over, I would have done it ages ago.

[saphire]

Lots of and healing all around.
I've been away from the 'puter for several days, and lots has happened here.

Bella, I'm sure you are feeling hurt and sad right now, with all you are dealing with. The issues you are dealing with are big ones. Mercyn seems to be offering you some sound advice though. She's not attacking you, she's trying to help, the same as all of us. Nobody is judging you, or your dh. I am really coming to love this group and everyone in it. Even though it's a fairly open forum, we've got quite a close group. The problems we all face don't always have easy solutions. Just keep in mind that we're all here trying to help each other.

DoK- Golly, I hope your ds is doing ok. My oldest dd got her leg broken when she was 18 mo, when I took her to the park. ( I still feel guilty for taking her down the slide.)

Cari- Yup, we all do have our moments. Kudos to you for owning yours. Parenting is HARD! I hope things are better now.

[BellaLuna Rayne]

I had this whole long thing typed up twice and decided it was too much info.

My great grandfather whom I never met was an alcoholic. My grandmother told me I was exactly like him once. He drank all the family's money away. My Dad is a current alcoholic, just started recently and my Mom is a gambling addict.

I've been to al-anon before and it sucked. I really don't want to go through it again. I went to meetings and AA meetings with a friend of mine who was a recovering meth addict.

Anyway, I know what she is saying is full of good ideas and I am probably just being defensive. *sigh* Its just not that easy, its been over 10 years now that I have been working on changing, not much has happened, even with counseling.

[saphire]

Don't give up. You have to just keep trying until you find what works. That cycle has to end sometime. Better sooner than later though.

[CariOfOz]

Ty for the support mamas. I've felt incredibly awful all day. Dh got home at 1 and I went to bed and bawled for ages before I fell asleep. I feel a little better at this point, but still like the crappest mother ever

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

DH is not "home" enough for him to go to counseling and the last time I asked him about it he said the nearest counselors were an hour or more away at a different location. My Mom thinks he is b.s.-ing me and told me to ask him for pictures, which I thought was insensitive.

I don't buy that he can't get a professional to talk to over there. I've known lots of guys on deployments and they have always said that each installation has people trained (they may also be chaplains, but they can do general counseling in those situations as well) JUST to handle stressed out soldiers. The military doesn't want their guys losing the plot in a tight situation. Encourage him to find one.

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

As for counseling for me. I went to one, she was a nutter. I spent two days after that calling counselors in a 20 mile radius, they were all booked, not taking people with insurance, etc. My current car is pretty much toast and I do not feel safe driving more than 20 miles for a counselor, even that is excessive.

Does the base your dh is stationed at have a medical center? They *should* have counseling available for spouses of deployed soldiers.. or at the very least a 'hearts apart' group for spouses to vent some of their stresses.

As for my "agoraphobia", sitting there and basically reducing it to an "oh, get over it" and get out of the house is not helpful at all. I try to get out of the house, heck I have even gone to a knitting group twice which is something I would never have done in the past.

I'm a bit like that too.. the fact that you've joined up with a knitting group is great, getting out of the house helps give you a bit of normalcy that you do NOT get when you're sitting in a house where you fully know someone else should be with you

Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne

I had this whole long thing typed up twice and decided it was too much info.

My great grandfather whom I never met was an alcoholic. My grandmother told me I was exactly like him once. He drank all the family's money away. My Dad is a current alcoholic, just started recently and my Mom is a gambling addict.

Being from a family of alcoholics/addicts is not an easy life, and it does colour the rest of your life. I know you said you've done al anon/counseling etc... but I really have to suggest that you try another group if it's at all possible. Maybe you just didn't click with whomever was running the first one, and yeah, you had a weirdo counselor that's for sure Finding your own way through the issues that come along with growing up in that environment is a messy prospect, good luck finding a nice grounded soul to help you make it easier hun.

[redveg]

Morning all. I hope everyone had a good weekend. Things have been so busy here, but for some reason running around like a mad woman has helped me get a new attitude! I haven't felt this good in quite some time. It's as if a huge dark cloud has been lifted! I am so looking forward to being me again!

Have a great day if I don't get back here to chat..

[DaughterOfKali]

December thread is here: http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?p=12709516#post12709516