November Dating thread - Page 3

[Mama Dragon]

Originally Posted by Avani

Please don't let my situation have any bearing on your hopes and dreams of meeting a man who will happily accept your life as it is and commit to you on the level that you need and deserve. These men are out there, do not despair. I tried dating and although it was fun and distracting it wasn't what i was looking for in my life. When this man came into my life i spent the first month of our relationship telling him i was only interested in a long term committment and i needed him to fully understand what he was getting himself into. He reassured me constantly that he wanted to be with me and my family. He promised me the world but in the face of a challenge and the opportunity for growth he just couldn't deal. I accept this. I don't like it, but i accept it. My family will grow and change and all of us will lovingly accept a new soul with no conditions. He is the one missing out, he is the one who will have to live with what he has choosen. It will be hard to trust any man after what he did to me. He was so convincing about wanting to be with my family and he fully knew my background of abuse and abandoment and he swore to never do anything like that and he wanted to protect me. The truth to all of this is to never let a man take your power. If you do not feel like the empowered, amazing woman you know that you are when you are with him then he does not deserve you. I have already raised 5 kids on my own, i welcome a new one and i know the universe is always providing.

You are totally awesome It's amazing how completely he lied, karma is going to bite him on the rear end, big time.

[emma_goldman]

Seie,

I had an experience that sounds like yours and then turned around and saw an old friend differently and now we are in love! You'll find it! After having that experience, the real thing felt so good...

[Oh the Irony]

I am having so much fun!! My guy and I went for a ride on his motorcycle last weekend. Then traded bodywork. Then he cooked lamb and mashed potatoes for us. Then we played hide n' go seek in the yard at night... I totally tricked him!

[emma_goldman]

Originally Posted by Oh the Irony

I am having so much fun!! My guy and I went for a ride on his motorcycle last weekend. Then traded bodywork. Then he cooked lamb and mashed potatoes for us. Then we played hide n' go seek in the yard at night... I totally tricked him!

OtI

That sounds REALLY fun!!

[Anne2008]

Hi, I was just directed to this thread and if it's ok would like to join!

I ran into an old aquaintance earlier today, we had a little chat and he asked if we could keep in touch, so I gave him my phone number.

Im scared of him calling me but im also scared of him not calling me, I think secretly underneath all that fear I would like him to call me. I just got home and checked my phone, there is one missed call and a number I dont recognise, so it could have been him!

In a way im glad I missed it! (phew!) but now what if he calls tonight while im in? I don't know what he will say, Im guessing he will suggest we meet up...and then expect me to invite him to my home as he lives further away and I can't go there while my child is in school here...I need to be nearby incase of emergency. Do you think he will want me to invite him round to my home?

I don't think that would be good because then it will seem like Im inviting him here for sex, won't it? But what if he actually asks me straight up if he can come over? Should I assume all he wants is sex? maybe he thinks I will be easy to get into bed?

Oh what do I do? Plz reply quick if you can, I don't know when he will phone back but if he does, maybe for today I wont answer :

I haven't had a date with anyone for approx 6 years, and never really dated before that either, im so lost and scared right now...help me

[emma_goldman]

maybe if he calls, say you're interested in getting to know him better. You could chat for a long time or exchange email addresses or tell him you'd like to meet at a coffee shop. That way, you have some ideas about what his agenda is. It is normal dating behavior, anyway, i think, to get to know someone better before you have them over.

[grisandole]

Yes, I would invite him to meet you at a coffee shop or something...that way you can chat but not be at your place.

I am pretty blunt about things...so if I think a guy just wants sex, I will straight up tell them "I am not going to have sex with you today" or "I'm not interested in just sex"...whatever. I tend to put everything out there so that the guy knows where I stand and what I'm looking for...and if he is put off by my bluntness, then he can't handle me anyway

Dating is tough...I never did much of it before I got married, and am still learning the ropes now.

[guestmama9915]

...

[Seie]

Anne I agree - I personally wouldnt ask a guy home unless I wanted to have sex with him - unless it was strictly and obviously just a friendship - Meet up in town somewhere - a cafe - or hey - if he is serious he will likely ask you out. No need for you to take that step right away.. Await his next step and take it from there. Listen to yourself and only do what you feel like doing..

Im still heartbroken Before meeting this guy who just dumped me I didnt feel lonely - but now after having had a taste of the good life I sooo want more!

How do you deal with that - I mean - we have needs (at least I do : ) I had almost forgotten that, but this very short relationship I had really reminded me that I am a woman as well as a mother, and now I really feel how much I have neglected that part of me for way too long. Now I am at a loss - where to meet men at all? I dont meet many men in my daily life - or if I do it's strictly professional. I have tried looking at online dating sites, but so far I'm not really liking it all that much..

Ahem - I do have a couple of phoneno for men who I know are interested, but been there done that, and they are not really ones that I consider relationship material IYKWIM.. but as it is now I am tempted to call the sweeter one of them, just for the fun of it :

[guestmama9915]

...

[mountain]

Tripleaces, I just moved 3200 miles to explore my long distance relationship! Not the ONLY reason, of course, but a nice bonus! Anything can happen, and probably will!

[guestmama9915]

...

[LoveOhm]

I think and hope to be joining this thread soon but for now I just could not reach out...

Avani you are so beautiful & strong! Congratulations on your preganacy and your upcoming baby. This is his loss all the way around.

[Anne2008]

Thanks for the advice, im still really anxious/nervous about it, but I have calmed down a little since yesterday (a little!) I don't know if I'm ready to date anyone, but you don't really know until you try, so I should try.

He didn't call again last night, thankful of that as I went to bed early. He called this morning, but I was out! haha...oh im such a whimp aren't I?!

It's making me very self conscious, more than I usually am. I never bother really plucking my eyebrows underneath, just do the middle part, so today I plucked them underneath too, hope it looks ok! I'm very embarrassed about my weight, I'm about 45 lbs overweight my skin isn't in very good condition, I have let myself go quite a lot. I have only one nice top to wear if we do go have coffee somewhere . So today I have started a diet! Im going to be really embarrassed infront of this guy because yesterday he saw me with a big winter coat covering myself, so he probably didnt realise I have put a lot of weight on, unless he noticed it on my face.

[emma_goldman]

Anne,
You probably look GREAT to him! He knows what he likes! You can tell him that you're excited about your new exercise program, etc. And best of all, exercise will help you relax!
Have a little fun!!!

[Anne2008]

Thanks so much for the support! I don't know if im ready to date or what, I find most social situations very difficult (social phobia), so even talking to this guy is strange for me as I don't mix with many people. (I'm working on it but it's hard)
Maybe I can be friends with him but not date, I could do with a friend.

I have an update though, (yes already! -he seems eager doesn't he?) Not sure if this is normal for a guy to phone this much already, what do you think?
When you're not used to it, it feels quite overwhelming.

But yes, he phoned me this morning, a few moments ago infact, at 6:45am! I had only been up a few minutes myself, he said he had been up since 5am couldn't sleep. DS is still asleep which is good because I really don't want to talk to him when DS is about.

He phoned to ask me to meet up with him today! : As he works a lot in the week he said the only time he can see me is in the morning after I have taken DS to school, and before he goes off to work. So I agreed (give it a chance right?) and so we are meeting up infront of my home for half an hour to go for a walk -I take my dog for a walk at this time anyway, so he will be joining us. Im really nervous now, I have no idea what to talk to him about, I bet there's going to be so many awkward silences between us. :

[Anne2008]

Ok, we went for a walk with my dog once I got back from taking DS to school, it was just for half an hour as he had to work (im glad). It actually went okay, there was conversation about different things briefly, and then at the end he gave me a little hug and kissed my cheek!!! I was so shocked about that! I guess it's normal it's just no guy has even kissed my cheek in over 6 years!

I wasn't sure what to do, so I kind of leaned into the hug and kissed his cheek too! haha oh how embarrassing, did I do the wrong thing? i wasn't sure if I should kiss him or not, but since he kissed my cheek I felt I should probably kiss his.............right?

A few minutes after I got home, he sent me a text message saying he enjoyed seeing me and our chat, and hopes I have a good day. I sent a similar message back to him.

Im just not sure how I feel about all this right now, its pretty obvious he is hoping for a relationship, I just feel a bit rushed and overwhelmed by it. He told me after our walk he will call me later, but I feel like since I saw him today and we chatted, I don't want to talk to him again today. I feel mean saying that, but I don't feel it's really normal to be in contact so much at the beginning of a friendship/relationship, I feel uncomfortable about it right now. What do you ladies think?

[Mama Dragon]

I think it would be a good idea to say "I'm interested but it's been years since I was in any relationship, and I want to slow down and take these first steps carefully" ....if he pushes you, he's really not the one for you I think.

[mountain]

Ignore his call till tomorrow, if you want! I don't want to talk to people sometimes, you know? It creates a mystique around you that will be in your favor

I finally am starting to relax into the fact that I am finally with a man that has friendly intentions towards me! It sounds strange, but I encountered some energy vampire-type guys. I feel I'm finally with a friend, and I'm so deeply in like/love with him. I may have faith in humanity again, mamas.

Taking help from my family to get to this place has been super hard, but it has been worth it to get into a place where I can start to build toward a normal life not based on fear.

[Anne2008]

Originally Posted by Synthea™

I think it would be a good idea to say "I'm interested but it's been years since I was in any relationship, and I want to slow down and take these first steps carefully" ....if he pushes you, he's really not the one for you I think.

Yes! (later on yesterday he sent me a text and called twice -I didn't answer)
He hasn't phoned or text me since I sent him a message back yesterday saying I could not talk as I was busy with DS and would talk to him the next day. -I hope I haven't offended him, or annoyed him, but if I have then it's too bad because DS comes first and I don't feel happy taking my time away from him to chat to some guy, kwim?

When/If he calls me next, I think I need to have a conversation with him about the fact DS comes first and explain we can only chat when he is at school or in bed, tell him my feelings on that. I don't think im being unfair on this, do you?