Purity Balls - Page 2

[angelpie545]

The whole thing icked me out too. A pledge to keep your virginity?? That is just INSANE. And a signed contract? I could barely believe what I was seeing. They have five year old children indoctrinated into this stuff..and those kids are barely old enough to understand the difference between boys and girls let alone complicated sexual topics such as purity. Just gross. Secondly, this whole thing is very, very VERY sexist. Where are the purity balls for little boys and their mothers? Hm? Why are girls expected to pledge their purity to their fathers but yet boys are not expected to do the same? Ridiculous. It perpetuates the idea that women are frail, fragile creatures who are incapable of making any sound decision without a man to consult with. It seemed like even those in the show who were promoting purity didn't have as much of a problem with a boy who wasn't "pure" verses a girl. Also, this kind of indoctrination can be very damaging to a girl's self esteem. They are essentially teaching their daughters that their worth as a person is tied to their sexual choices.

[felix23]

Originally Posted by alicia622

I watched this last night. It was very disturbing although I could see where the parents were coming from. I think they took it way too far. I agree with wanting your child to grow up feeling special and worthy of being treated with dignity and respect but I don't think a five year old needs to pledge her purity nor do I agree that would be boyfriends must meet with the father a few times before their daughter is allowed to go on a date (initially chaparoned by the parents!) The young women who got married didn't even kiss their fiance until the wedding! The young girls who spoke seemed to be simply reciting what has been drilled into their heads from a very early age. It didn't sound like they really understoood what they were talking about.

My favorite character was the 27 yo who was pregnant at 19 (I assume she placed the child for adoption) refused to marry the man her father chose for her at 21 and is now living with her boyfriend and her parents have little to nothing to do with her anymore. She seemed happy though a bit sad that her parents didn't appreciate who she has become.

I find the whole thing to be really, really creepy. I only saw bits and pieces of the show. I know a girl whose family is really into the whole purity ring/pledge your heart to your dad thing and she was not even allowed to touch or be alone with her husband before they got married. When he proposed, her parents were sitting right next to them taking pictures and he handed the engagement ring to her dad to put on her finger.

[mamalisa]

Originally Posted by felix23

I find the whole thing to be really, really creepy. I only saw bits and pieces of the show. I know a girl whose family is really into the whole purity ring/pledge your heart to your dad thing and she was not even allowed to touch or be alone with her husband before they got married. When he proposed, her parents were sitting right next to them taking pictures and he handed the engagement ring to her dad to put on her finger.

See, that's just flat out freaking weird to me. I can't even form a coherent thought on why that bothers me so much.

I watched bits of it as I was falling asleep and then checked yesterday to see when it was on again, but it's not! I'd like to see the whole thing. The one girl I saw being interviewed kept looking to her dad for the answers, like she didn't really know what she believed and had to have someone else speak for her. That's not how I want me kids to grow up for sure.

[CarrieMF]

The young women who got married didn't even kiss their fiance until the wedding!

This was the only part that I saw. they hadn't touched each other at all before the wedding, not even holding hands.

[holyhelianthus]

Woah! That's all really extreme. I know of people who have pledged to keep their virginity and have promise rings and such and it's all fine and normal but this is just weird. The father puts the ring on her finger? 5 year olds?! Not touching???!!!

This is why we have people who think you have sex in the bellybutton.

[La Rune]

I've got it recorded and I'll be watching it tonight!

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by mamalisa

The one girl I saw being interviewed kept looking to her dad for the answers, like she didn't really know what she believed and had to have someone else speak for her.

I know ... I would love to see a follow up on her and see how this whole thing "worked out"

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by choli

I guess "purity": is not important for girls who don't have a father around.

I think it's truly creepy to pledge your "virginity" to your father. I suspect that an unhealthy dynamic would already exist in a family where the father felt that he had some sort of stake in his daughter's sexuality.

hmmm...I recorded the show but I don't know if I will watch it now. I didn't realize the girls were pledging their virginity to their fathers. That does sound creepy. I have no problem with a girl (or boy) being raised to possibly go this route but pledging it to your parent, uhhh...hmmm. I will just have to watch the show I guess and see for myself.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by mata

does anyone else giggle when they hear "purity balls" and think "schweaty balls" in their next thought?

Hahaha! Yes!

My two cents is that these girls all think that by not "giving pieces of your heart away" they will prevent themselves from ever having their heart broken. I don't know about you guys, but do you know how much I've learned about who I am as a person, as a woman, from having my heart broken (and breaking a few myself?). These fathers aren't sparing their daughters anything, in fact, they are keeping them in a bubble. What's going to happen when their perfect husbands cheat on them? Or if their perfect husband dies? These girls are going to have no real life experiences to prepare them for heartache.

[socialworkmamma]

I too was bothered by sooooo many things while watching. DH and I discussed it, and we feel like in many ways it was taking away the girls' innocence by discussing emotional aspects of sexuality way before they can grasp it. I do want to say both DH and I are Christians, and we do pray for our children to make good choices regarding all areas of their life, including their sexuality. Our DD is 7, and righ now the focus of our discussions per sexuality is biology. Why and how could we really explain these other concepts without confusing her? I belive waiting for marriage is best, but how does being your daddy's "princess" tie into it all? So much emphasis on looking pretty and the fathers tellng their daughters how beautiful they are. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for supportive, involved dad's, but there just doesn't seem to be any emphasis on why a young woman would want to wait for marriage, what the real benefits are, besides pleasing dad and mom. One of the young girls did not even have the proper biblical understanding, thinkingit's a ten commandment, which it's not. This is why is seems too 'brainwashy" to me. There is just so much more to healthy self-esteem, IMHO. I too was left wondering about the girls attending the church sponsoring the event who don't have dads in their lives, are they just left out in the cold? Also the family's that could not afford such an event, it is obviously quite costly. An where are the boys in all of this?

[Fyrestorm]

The way one of the fathers was looking at his daughter really gave me that ewwww feeling. What happens when these girls hit the real world?

[the_lissa]

Purity balls are so disturbing.

[sweetiee]

Originally Posted by PaytonPlace

Anyone else watching???

I meant to watch but missed it.
My thing is, if a daughter has a good relationship with her parents, father included, she should not have to look elsewhere for that love. So why would a purity ball be necessary. I would think that is something more private that putting in front of people.
I've been in a church where they did this one time with one of the staff and his daughters. I thought it was kind of creepy at the time about the affection between the daughter and dad. I never had to have a purity ceremony to know that sex before marriage was not what was in my best interest.

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

Hahaha! Yes!

My two cents is that these girls all think that by not "giving pieces of your heart away" they will prevent themselves from ever having their heart broken. I don't know about you guys, but do you know how much I've learned about who I am as a person, as a woman, from having my heart broken (and breaking a few myself?). These fathers aren't sparing their daughters anything, in fact, they are keeping them in a bubble. What's going to happen when their perfect husbands cheat on them? Or if their perfect husband dies? These girls are going to have no real life experiences to prepare them for heartache.

These were also very much concerns of mine. I'm a Christian and I also believing in waiting for marriage (although I personally didn't, but I do hope my kids will learn from what I have to tell them and perhaps do it differently) but I think this is really taking it to the extreme. Both girls and boys have to know the reasons why people date, and the reasons why it's not always a good idea. Also, once a child is 18, the decision to date/have sex/ext. is up to them, and the parents should be involved only if the child invites their parents to be. I hate, absolutely *loathe* how some Christian parents equate their child's sexual choices with their worth as a person. I see so much of it and it is so damaging to your self-esteem. I came from a very conservative family, and while I didn't pledge my virginity to anyone or attend a purity ball, my parents were very clear that they expected me to wait until I was married. I however was very rebellious and angry, and ended up making the choice to have sex. I got pregnant as a teenager although my parents eventually accepted it, there were some families who didn't want me around their kids, or who were wary of me. It really, really hurt and made me feel terrible. No child should have to go though that.

[Jannah6]

I refused to watch. The commercial for it made the Dad seem kinda creepy.

[1xmom]

I watched bits and pieces of it too, and for me, I do not feel the need to talk to my 8 year old about staying pure. I mean we do have conversations at the appropriate times. She knows about menstruation and will be prepared and not shocked when her time comes. But, she wouldn't even begin to understand the whole concept. Right now, she just thinks boys are disgusting and we will keep it that way until she is older and starts to become interesting in boys.

[lucky_mia]

I'm watching this just now and wow it is creepy. The way one of the father of the 11 year old was looking at his daughter was disturbing.

All I could think was that I'm glad I didn't miss out on teenage make out sessions and all that fun premarital sex.

[MusicianDad]

I was watching it. Dd came down because she couldn't sleep and watched about half of it with me. She asked if I was in charge of her purity, I said no, she said "Good, because I want to be the kind of woman who only does what she wants and not what other people want."

[Aliviasmom]

Where do the mothers fall? What about the sons? What about the children without dads? This show : me to NO end!!

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Jannah6

I refused to watch. The commercial for it made the Dad seem kinda creepy.

I agree. I never did watch it.