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Purity Balls - Page 3

post #41 of 64
I read an article recently about sheltered homeschoolers who do this sort of thing- their allegiance is to daddy even when they are of an age where they are adults and should be thinking on their own. It is fine to go to parents for advice and they may give you opinions ( whether you want them or not) but to be afraid to make a move in any direction without dad's direction is scary. I've heard it referred to as the cult of the family- and daddy is the king who holds absolute power. It's fine to be daddy's princess when you are in elementary school, but to have that kind of relationship into young adulthood is a bit creepy.
post #42 of 64
I watched part of it last night and had to change it. Way too creepy. Then I had to keep thinking about why it bothered me so much and it was def. the creepy dads. Sure Dad needs to be involved in the daughters life, but I would much rather it was the Mom talking to the girls about sex. The whole pledging thing is going to lead to a huge guilt for the girl when she is a teen and kisses or does more with a guy. She will be thinking of her dad the whole time and how she let him down. Then I saw this thread and am relieved to know I am not the only one who was bothered by this concept. I think the ball came out of good intentions but the girls are way too young and it seems too extreme to me.
post #43 of 64
The show was disturbing the whole concept is completely discusting and inappropriate.
post #44 of 64
Yes, it should definately be the mom doing the talking to the girls. If I was that age and my dad talked to me about purity/sex/etc. I would have been very embarrassed. It's one thing for dad to say you're not going to date until you are this age, or if the family believes in courtship that this is what is going to happen when you are a certain age, but the extent of this whole thing is troublesome in my mind.
post #45 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by star792 View Post
Sure Dad needs to be involved in the daughters life, but I would much rather it was the Mom talking to the girls about sex.
I don't think I mind a father talking to a daughter about sex as much as I do the whole keeping herself pure for her father. Some kids lose a mother or father due to death so I understand that sometimes the opposite sex parent does have to discuss sex with their child. I'll likely be the one to discuss it with my boys since my DH has already made me think he doesn't want to do it. Our oldest is 13 and DH has never talked to him about sex or girls that I know of. And I'm not embarrassed to talk to him about it.
post #46 of 64
I completely agree that sometimes the opposite sex parent will have to talk about it and its fine.I just know from my own experience, if I had to choose, I would much rather talk to my mom. I just don't get why these dads have to take them to the ball so young. how do you explain the purpose of a sexual purity ball to a 7 yr old , you know?
post #47 of 64
I missed it - what channel, time etc. Was it a special or a recurring show? The way you all talk about how creepy it is makes me want to see for myself.
post #48 of 64
TLC has had it on a few times this week. It is a documentary not a series- thank goodness.
post #49 of 64
i too am relieved to see the responses here. i think that it is very unhealthy to pledge your sexuality to your father.
i have three grown girls and both their father and i openly talked about sex with them. i wanted them to like sex and enjoy their sexuality. not see their virginity as a gift to anyone. i wanted them to see that their body hd worth and value and their life was worth not riskng a pg or disease because their hormones were leading them to want sexual interaction. none of them lost their virginity at an early age, they are all in committed, long term relationships and they dont sleep around and havent as far as i know. they all like sex and view it with a healthy attitude. i taught them all that sex is more than penis/vagina interaction, but a whole encompassing area of your life tht involves your heart, mind and body.
there is something very wrong with a father who wants to be that involved in his daughters vagina and what she does with it.
when a girl is ready for sex she should be the one making the choice, not daddy. and as for any man giving a ring to the father to put on his dd's finger.. who is she marrying and sleeping with her father or her own man... i wonder will the daddy inspect the sheets after the wedding night to ensure that his dd did it his way ... :eww:

v
post #50 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aliviasmom View Post
Where do the mothers fall? What about the sons? What about the children without dads? This show : me to NO end!!
Same here. So....if you don't have a dad are you just destined to be a whore? I don't get it. Mother's clearly aren't smart enough or have enough self control of their own evil womanly ways to adequately direct their daughters. Oh please. This show is just another excuse to put men on a pedestal. And sons don't need purity balls as long as the girls have them. You see, if a boy has sex, then it is clearly the girl's fault for seducing him in the first place, duh
post #51 of 64
It all harkens back to the days when a girl's one value was her virginity and marriage was just a business transaction between families.


Quote:
Originally Posted by PookieMom View Post
Same here. So....if you don't have a dad are you just destined to be a whore? I don't get it. Mother's clearly aren't smart enough or have enough self control of their own evil womanly ways to adequately direct their daughters. Oh please. This show is just another excuse to put men on a pedestal. And sons don't need purity balls as long as the girls have them. You see, if a boy has sex, then it is clearly the girl's fault for seducing him in the first place, duh
post #52 of 64
Another thing that I really don't get. Dad gets to decide who his dd gets to 'date'. Any prospective suitors have to ask dad first... Seriously, any guy asked me for permission to ask my DD out I'd tell him he's not her type just because he felt it was more important to ask me first. And I'm sure I would be right about that too. We plan on meeting all of DD's boy friends (the one who has gone on one date with her, long story but she agreed to go if he promised to stop bugging her in class about liking her, was required to come to the door so dh and I could meet him before they left.) These girls are going to have a hard time in the real world, especially if it comes hard and fast at them. And it's entirely possible to remain true to yourself and your beliefs without secluding yourself from those who are different.
post #53 of 64
I have read almost everyones replies and it seems that every feels that it was weird in some way. So, I must chime in, this was a hot topic at work today. For me personally I saw a lot of good things from the purity balls. I myself didn't wait but I sure wish I did. I am not sure how extreme I would take it with my own daughters but I thought it was sweet and generally a good idea!
Just my 2cents!
post #54 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennlyn View Post
I read an article recently about sheltered homeschoolers who do this sort of thing- their allegiance is to daddy even when they are of an age where they are adults and should be thinking on their own. It is fine to go to parents for advice and they may give you opinions ( whether you want them or not) but to be afraid to make a move in any direction without dad's direction is scary. I've heard it referred to as the cult of the family- and daddy is the king who holds absolute power. It's fine to be daddy's princess when you are in elementary school, but to have that kind of relationship into young adulthood is a bit creepy.
Very well said.
post #55 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3jays View Post
I have read almost everyones replies and it seems that every feels that it was weird in some way. So, I must chime in, this was a hot topic at work today. For me personally I saw a lot of good things from the purity balls. I myself didn't wait but I sure wish I did. I am not sure how extreme I would take it with my own daughters but I thought it was sweet and generally a good idea!
Just my 2cents!
I don't think anyone would consider the idea behind purity balls a bad thing. Only that purity balls have taken in to a level that places the value of a young woman on her status as a virgin and gives all the power to their father. Having dad involved helps a lot, there's not doubt to that, and having a father that treats you with respect as a young woman does set you for choosing to date men who treat you with respect. IMO, giving control over a girl or woman's body to her father is not respectful to either of them. It makes her property and him the owner, and her future relationships are likely to mirror that.
post #56 of 64
What he said (pointing up) is a good summary of the discussion.
post #57 of 64
Did nobody find the "sex in the belly button" comment as amusing as i did?

Yeah. Can you imagine marrying someone and finding out you're completely physically incompatable? Sexual issues are one of the biggest causes of marital problems.

Anyway, saw the commercial, opted not to incude this in my television line-up.
post #58 of 64
As a survivor of incest, i see many of the same "looks" i saw growing up. Children are not thier parents princesses... If DD wants to be a princess great but im not comfortable with pledging purity to her father.

The show was just so wrong is many ways... It made my stomach churn, right down to the preacher father who still gives his adult children weekly blessings.

Ths whole thing just stinks of control, power, and obedience.
ok... going back to therapy now lol
post #59 of 64
I didn't watch this show but have read plenty of articles about purity balls, purity rings and that type of thing. It strikes me as creepy and incestuous. Plenty of other posters have already said what I was thinking.

I've also read articles that these types of events often have the opposite effect, and that teens will go out and have other types of sex to maintain their "viriginity".
post #60 of 64
Reminds my of an episode of Family Guy, the daughter Meg takes one of those pledges and her and the boy she starts seeing decide to do it in the ear because it's "not sex that way". Hmm... Anyone else know about the "oral sex isn't REALLY sex" thing that's been going on among teens for a few years now?
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