PmddHello. I stumbled across this forum in search of information on motherhood and PMS. I have been considering having children but have always feared that I may not be a fit mother as I have what I think is severe PMDD. I'm 37 and have struggled my entire life with fatigue and depression. I have about a week per month that I feel stable and happy/healthy, then it seems to go down from there, depending on the month. There are times (very often) when after my period I look back and think "who was that person??". My symptoms manifest mostly as depression. About a week after my period I start to feel a little tired and low. By the time I get to the week before my period I am questioning everything about my life. I recently got married to a wonderful man but found myself, after 2 weeks of marriage, doubting my decision. I was blissfully happy for months, then one night woke up having a panic attack thinking I'd made a mistake. It was the day before I got my period. The entire week before I felt numb and as if I didn't want to be touched. Because he is the closest person to me, I told him my thoughts and doubts, which has now put the marriage in jeopardy. He no longer trusts me. Today is the last day of my period and I feel back to my self again but my marriage is in ruins after having only just begun. Thinking back, this isn't the first relationship that's been ruined because of this. In every relationship I've ever had I started to question things right before my periods and eventually either forced that person out of my life, or left myself. In this case, I actually fell in love and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my years with this person and married him. Because my hormones are out of control, the one relationship I actually managed to keep, and wanted to keep, could disintegrate.
I feel as if my thoughts and actions are often not my own and that I might be crazy. But then I have a few good days of the month where I think it will all be ok. Each month varies in severity. Last month I was fine. Bad aches and cramps but no real depression. This month I am doubting my job, my career, my husband, my entire life.
I have been to doctor after doctor and mentioned my sometimes erratic behavior. I've always wondered if it was hormonal. Not one of them has acknowledged my question. Not one has suggested looking into to it. Not even my gyn. I believe I would have gone the rest of my life wondering if it had not been for the fact that I have nearly destroyed my marriage and the timing perfectly matches my period and mirrors my history of emotional instability around my menstruation.
Does anyone have a similar story? I am torn to pieces about this.