I found this thread (or a previous one) back in early 2008, I think it was a previous one because this one doesnt date back to then... I wish I could find it to show my hubby lol. Anyways, when I found the thread, for once in my life I truly felt hopeful, sane, understood. My eyes were opened & I KNEW I had PMDD. The symptoms were VERY obvious back then, however the extremity has changed drastically in the past two years.
I have gone from AD's- Mood Stabilizers- ADD meds & back around the board again. Id have to say, for me, as time goes by, each new month is more of a struggle. Im currently taking Abilify, Lexapro (started 2 weeks ago) & Adderall once a day, every day. Its hard to say if the meds are working-- they are to an extent, Id be far more of a nightmare without them.
Id venture to say I get 1 "good" week a month, if Im lucky & "good" isnt always so good... especially if your dealing with the shame/damage you recently caused. DH is AMAZING.. but has a hard time comprehending mental illnesses.
Two weeks before my period I get VERY irritable, distant, cold, impatient, moody, short-tempered, depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed by the tiniest things, lethargic, disinterested. I have a 3 y/o daughter, & most mornings I cant even wake up until after her, Ill sleep as if Im in a coma & it scares me. The thought of getting up, getting dressed, walking down the stairs, making coffee & tending to my toddler overwhelms the heck out of me. The task "seems" ginormous! I do better after my cocktail of pills, but my lack of energy remains & my disinterest in anything is always present. Not to mention my irritability.. so actually I guess the pills just tone me down a bit.
DH gets the brunt of everything, especially my irritability. It BAFFLES me as to how he loves me.. and then I think "Does he "really" love me?". We have been married coming up on 5 years & let me tell you I am one rollercoaster you dont want to ride! He is AD Army & we have been through one deployment back in 2007-2008. Surprisingly, I was "better" during that time, its crazy. The past year and a half has been my WORST, its really putting a strain on my marriage & Im not being the great mom I once was. I isolate myself at ANY given chance & really miss out on precious time with my daughter/family. I used to be a happier person without having to try...
I barely do anything anymore, Ill even admit I barely even take care of myself anymore. I fantasize over the thought of a hysterectomy.. though Im not ready to make that decision & have done no research to know if it helps. I cant see myself being stable enough to have another kid, let alone stable enough to where my hubby would agree on another... but then I see myself being regretful if I did get a hysterectomy. Just thoughts.
I could go on & on & on as Im sure we all could, but my mind is feeling a bit foggy. Thank you ladies for having this wonderful thread!!