Life w/PMDD/Severe PMS Support... - Page 32

[Rose411]

Oh yeah, forgot, more about me.  I'm 27, and I am in therapy. I  tried Zoloft, bad side effects.  5HTP, also bad effects.  I'm back with my ex after 2 years, and he has changed and is an amazing father, and a loving kind man.  Once PMDD hits, I get these crazy thoughts.  I feel that if he is short or snippy I walk away.  But if I have an attitude, I think he gives it back, getting angry if I do that to him.  I think that because of the PMDD a minor issue is magnified.  I spend a lot of time just confused.  I've also been in many bad relationships, and am the black sheep of my family.  I expect issues, so i'm sure I create them.  But I spend the one to two weeks on high alert, ready to defend.  But when I don't have PMDD things just roll off my back and things are minor annoyances, like my BF tends to rant and rave, never at me.  And he can be sarcastic and impatient, but he isn't mean.  PMDD hits and suddenly in my mind it's all different and it makes me feel crazy, confused, in a fog.  Even when I talk to the BF he just stares saying I have it all wrong, and points out that I get nasty so he's saying things in defense, or that he'll just say anything and I take it the wrong way, and i just cry.  it SUCKS!  I know he isn't perfect, but I also know he isn't this hypocritical bf that I see.  I just wish I could not think for this whole time, because my entire world is perceived threw dark glasses.  I also just eat and eat, although I'm pretty sure I'm hypoglycemic.  I'm depressed, and it's my son that saves me, a job not for a toddler.  I hate it, and after a Lifetime of hell I'm not sure why I'm dealt this.  To not be arguementive, to maybe start writing down things taht are wrong in my mind, and once the PMDD passes then i look at the paper, and really decide if it's an issue or not.  It's hard, all my coping skills go out the window, and disengaging is near impossible.  I'm pretty sure I have it severe.  So that's my story, and I'm trying my hardest to deal with it. :) 
 

[lilgreen]

Oh, Rose! You sound like you are in a lot of pain. I'm so glad you're in therapy. Therapy is critical to my well being. I know you said you tried Zoloft so you are potentially not against other antidepressants. Are you able to work with your doctor to try others? It took me 7-8 different ones until i found the right one for me but it has changed my life. Also, I know that if I don't ovulate, I am much better off.

Finally, I want to just say that it worries me that you are concerned about your bf's behaviour but then you blame yourself. If you left him the first time bc he was mean (abusive), it is very likely that his core attitude has not changed. You may be depressed, but you're not crazy. Take care!