Help ASAP!

[Inwe Surion]

Our family: Me, dh, ss age 14yo who has lived with us since he was 5, and 3.5yo dd.

I will give you some brief background. Dh has no idea what ss thinks. The majority of our problems stem from disagreements about ss. SS is in 8th grade, puts little effort into his school work, has no respect for any female authority figures. He works at McDonalds a couple times/week. He is dirty, his room smells, he throws everything on the floor of his room, but he always takes time to make his hair right (usually uses colored glue.)

SS has been in counseling a couple times but dh takes him out because ss "doesn't need it." SS's mother is an alcoholic/drug user who lived in squalor with ss when she didn't leave him with dh. SS adores her.

I read ss diary. Dh doesn't see ss the way I do as he is his father and I am not his parent. SS's diary has all kinds of sex talk in it. Fine-he's 14 yo. I do not like reading about "I would like to grab her b--bs..." but it could be worse. However, it also said, with every other word being f--k, "I hate everybody, especially Ms. Teacher. I want to rip her eyeballs out through her a--." It went on a bit with more violent stuff.

Ok, so now I have this gut pain. The kid has problems and has since I met him. Dh doesn't aknowledge them. I am worried about the violent talk. I am worried about him relating to his sister. I would never leave them alone together.

1. What do I do? Tell dh? Show him the diary?

2. Do you think ss needs counseling?

3. Am I over reacting?

BTW, I am a licensed therapist. I know it is wrong to invade the kid's privacy but I have never trusted him. Help, please.

[saige]

I agree with NM.This kid needs counselling as does his Dad.Good luck,what a tough position for you! Keep us posted.

[Inwe Surion]

Thanks so much for replying! SS was working after school yesterday so I got a chance to show dh the diary and told him something had to be done. For once, he agreed!

He talked to ss without letting on he knew what the diary said, used the killings of the Dartmouth professors as a jumping off point. He was in ss's room and saw the diary and asked what it was. When ss told him, dh asked to read it and ss said no. Dh talked with him about sex and violence and aslo said that the assistant principal had called and reported that ss was overheard threatening the teacher. The AP couldn't prove it so she wasn't going to follow up further. Dh made up this story. Ss denied threatening but said how much he hated the teacher and how he talked about that in school.

The diary is not in sight today, probably has it in his backpack. i did bring up counseling, but dh didn't go there. At least this time he reacted and acted.

[saige]

That's a great first step!!! Hopefully the lines of communication will remain open.I think it's very important for DH to be on top of this.He needs to pry-and pry again-the kid may not like it,but he will soon see that Dad really wants to know whats happening and how he can help ss.Good luck!