Child Psychologist

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Have any of you used a psychologist for your little ones to help with loss/stress/past abuse/etc.????? And, if so, how young is too young?

[Diane B]

Yes. My daughter is 4 1/2. You can PM me for more details if you want.

[Momily]

I haven't used one for my child, but I used to work at a school connected to a wonderful clinic that specialized in mental health care for children under 9. They had therapists who did a wonderful job on working on attachment, working through trauma, helping parents develop specialized skills for special kids etc . . . and worked with tiny kids -- definitely under 2.

I'm not sure how much help a "traditional" psychologist would be but someone from a place like that who specialized in tiny kids might be great.

I'd also like to add that in my experience the therapists that I've seen do the best work with little kids do that in the context of their families. It's not they go there for 45 minutes once a week and work through things. It's they work with the therapist, and the therapist also works with mom and dad to give them strategies to help you carry their gains over into the home setting. In my experience, clinical social workers are often better than psychologists at this kind of work.

[Momma Aimee]

just wanted to add my vote for a professional who is trained to work with / has a specility is attachment and famlies vs jsut something that works with kids and loss or abuse .....

AImee

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Thanks y'all - I totally agree that it's got to be a whole-family kind of thing. In some ways, I think we're all traumatized by the situation (not, of course, to diminish Grace's unique pain). It's just been almost too much.

[Diane B]

I'm trying to respect my daughter's privacy, so I don't want to say too much about our experience, but I can add to your last comment: one of the most positive outcomes of finally seeking professional help this summer was the validation for us as parents - we AREN'T making this up, it IS extremely difficult, her issues ARE related to attachment and adoption, and they are not likely to just go away magically on their own (some of my mom friends suggested that she was just experiencing typical developmental challenges). I felt like our concerns and intuition were really validated.

Also, I would second the suggestion to be sure to seek out someone with specific experience. We are lucky to live in a good-sized city, so we had a couple of options. The person we see is highly experienced working with young children about attachment and adoption.

[Momma Aimee]

a suggestion

we found a family theprist by asking for suggestion at teh local API group --

now we are not yet an adoptive family -- though we HAVE addressed that with me and DH in our sessions ... but the woman we are blessed to find does specialize in attachement in families and is 100% supportove of AP parents and even give it as an 'Rx" (family bed, baby wearing, extending nurseing of any child BF, and so on) ... she is an adoptive parent and works a great deal with adoptive families.

so, while API is not specifically adoption related, it might be a local resourse for you -- or a starting point anyway -- givine the respect for attachement and bonding and AP parenting.

jsut a thought

Aimee

[Diane B]

I make a post like this about every six months, so please forgive me, but...

The sense in which the word "attachment" is used within the context of psychology and adoption is not the same as "attachment parenting" which is a loosely defined set of parenting practices (usually things like child-wearing, co-sleeping, etc.) In fact, in some cases, some of these practices might be harmful, confusing or inappropriate for some adopted children. Many children have healthy attachment to parents who have vastly different parenting styles and techniques.

Of course, my partner and I practice "attachment parenting" in the sense I described above - that's why I'm on this forum in the first place - and I personally think it's usually quite beneficial for children. But it's not going to eliminate the challenges that some adopted children face related to attachment. Trust me on this, please - I'm living it every day. For those of you who aren't (because your children are still infants, or because they just don't have the same reaction to their adoptions as my daughter) I'm really glad for you.

I have no idea if our therapist believes in co-sleeping, or wore her children when they were young, or recommends time-outs, and I don't care. However, her understanding of the attachment cycle and how it can be disrupted for adopted children was spot-on for our situation.

By the way, we located her by contacting a well-respected, non-profit adoption agency in our area that offers post-adoption support services.

[Momma Aimee]

i am certainly not trying to fight

i am also not suggesting baby wearing and co-sleepign as a cure all, nor am i dumb enough to suggest that AP parenting will fix anything.

I am however simply stating that we found a family therpist that si awsome, and specialized in attachement issue and works extensivily with adoptive families; and we found her via API locally.

[Diane B]

I'm sorry if my tone came across as irritated. I certainly didn't mean to imply that you were dumb. I am very aware, however, of the many folks "reading along" (check the thread count) and I have heard the terms confused on MDC from time to time.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

It's funny. We went to her ped yesterday and he pretty much poo-pooed the idea of going to a psychologist. And then said, maybe she's just got oppositional-defiance. :

[lauren]

Your local Family Infant and Toddler Program (Part C of federal IEP law for birth to three children) might be able to help you find a clinician for a young child. The early childhood mental health field is a growing field in this country and there are lots of folks with specialized training in trauma, abuse, attachment, etc. It might take a little while to root out these services, but it is worth it.

By the way, "oppositional defiance" as a label does virtually nothing to help parents. The dr. may not realize how this comes across, but it does demonstrate that he may not know very much about the situation.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Originally Posted by lauren

By the way, "oppositional defiance" as a label does virtually nothing to help parents. The dr. may not realize how this comes across, but it does demonstrate that he may not know very much about the situation.

Yeah, I felt pretty dismissed. Everyone I know loves this doc and I just don't gel with him for some reason. I really do think he thinks I make mountains out of molehills.

BTW - he said that right before suggesting the flu vax, which I refused to his (somewhat) rolling eyes. He said that they don't even carry the live vaccine anymore at his clinic .

Grace's OT thinks she has an idea of someone who might be a good fit for the issues we're dealing with. I'm crossing my fingers that she'll get me a name on Tuesday when Grace goes back for therapy.

[mollusk]

Originally Posted by lauren

By the way, "oppositional defiance" as a label does virtually nothing to help parents. The dr. may not realize how this comes across, but it does demonstrate that he may not know very much about the situation.

THANK YOU TO THAT


I agree with checking in with your local adoption agency/post adoption support adoc agencies may have good referrals of independently licensed social workers and psychologists who specialize & will meet your needs.
I believe that mental health applies to all ages

[Sierra]

We found a therapist for dfd before she turned two at The Trauma Center in Boston, MA.

[lauren]

THe Trauma Center is state of the art!

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by lauren

Your local Family Infant and Toddler Program (Part C of federal IEP law for birth to three children) might be able to help you find a clinician for a young child. The early childhood mental health field is a growing field in this country and there are lots of folks with specialized training in trauma, abuse, attachment, etc. It might take a little while to root out these services, but it is worth it.

By the way, "oppositional defiance" as a label does virtually nothing to help parents. The dr. may not realize how this comes across, but it does demonstrate that he may not know very much about the situation.

I agree. Another option would be to contact the Infant/Toddler Mental Health Specialist (either on staff or contracted) of your local Early Head Start program (if there is one.) She should be able to point you in the right direction.

[lauren]

Anything of use here?

http://www.tnvoices.org/programs.htm

[pumpkingirl71]

My suggestion would be start looking early It took us two years to find a good therapist. The local Children's hospital won't even do psych evals for children under three, but they have an adoption program that does work with younger children. Getting the right help has been a rocky road, but I think we are finally on the right track.

I so want to echo what Diane B said. Just knowing we aren't making this up has made a huge difference. Everyone tells us dd's problems are developmentally normal, but they just aren't. Also, her story is pretty extreme. I think people are saying she is doing so well considering what she has been through, but they really try to talk me out of getting more help.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Originally Posted by lauren

Anything of use here?

http://www.tnvoices.org/programs.htm

Thanks! That looks like a good resource. I haven't finished looking it all the way through - but maybe there's something there.

One thing that is truly amazing to me is that DCS NEVER followed up with us after they sent Grace home with us. Utterly amazing. We were supposed to have a sw "show up unannounced" sometime in the first month after bringing her home. No one ever showed, called, wrote, etc. 'Course, I'm not saying that I was eagerly wanting DCS interference, I just was surprised at how they washed their hands of Grace once she was with us (to be fair, she was from Knox County, and we're in the notoriously overcrowded Shelby County).

Although I still don't think I'd have done things differently, I have found that if we had allowed her to remain a foster placement instead of pursuing guardianship (and then later, adoption) she'd have been better off in some ways. So frustrating that the option that gives her permanency is what also causes her to lose support that she needs.