Fostering teen moms -- anyone done it? Any thoughts?

[Momily]

I'm a single adoptive mom of a 9 year old boy now, I'm also an early childhood special educator and school administrator whose job is mostly mentoring and coaching young teachers.

I really like the idea of fostering teen parents. It seems like it would combine lots of the things I'm good at. I love young kids, and love parenting and think I'm good at that. I also love mentoring and coaching adults. I really like the teen age years, but don't really like most of the curriculum enough to teach it (e.g. I'm not that into math, or history, or drama or whatever that I'd want to do that all day).

Has anyone done this? How feasible is it? Also, do you think it's reasonable to do with a teenage boy in the house, or should I wait until he's away at college or something.

Finally, does anyone have a clue what the housing requirements would be? Would I need a 4 bedroom home or could the baby share with it's mom? Would I be considered the foster mom of the little one(s) or only of the mom, if I'm not the foster mom of the little one would the baby (mom or me) still get things like subsidy, subsidized daycare, WIC etc . . . ?

Would adopting the mom ever be an option? Let's say I got a 14 year old, and we were a good fit -- could I adopt her?

[quantumleap]

My mom did something along these lines when I was younger. She was part of a group of women who were really upset by the fact that girls/women over 16 had aged out of the foster care system, but weren't old enough (18) to qualify for social programs like welfare. They wound up setting up a house with house parents for pregnant and new moms between the ages of 16 and 18, although they did end up with women both younger and older than that. My mom used to go in each day to homeschool those women who were out of school for whatever reason, and also to just do some mentoring/teaching in terms of parenting. I have no idea how this would work in terms of a fostering system though. I'm pretty sure that, where we used to live, if the mother was in foster care, that the child automatically became a ward of social services. I do know that the group home setting was the best thing they could come up with in this particular situation. But, I don't know if this was because there just weren't enough fostering type homes available, or if it couldn't be worked out in terms of social services' rules, or what.
Have you called your local cps authority about this? I imagine things might get a bit thorny with a teenaged boy in the home, but I don't think this *has* to be the case.
I'll be staying tuned to see what others have to say - I would also love to do this at some point down the line. Good luck!

[kriket]

I say if you have the will and the way go for it! I know that there is and has been a young special needs mom with an infant on our local foster list for a while.

extra love for you!

[Irishmommy]

I did it for a few months. The baby shared a room with the mom. Her baby was the same age as mine (just about a year old), and the differences were heartbreaking, mainly in attachment and general happiness. I was foster mom to both. She didn't take too kindly to advice, so I could only lead by example, but she didn't want to know. And she also stole from me.

She ended up losing custody, and the baby was eventually adopted.

[angelpie545]

I think it's an incredible thing to do. I have heard that many teen moms are brushed aside by the system and sometimes their babies are taken and placed in different foster homes. I cannot imagine the grief that would cause on top of everything else. On the flip side, many of those mothers are very troubled and might need extensive resources to become good mothers to their own children. I hate the idea that just because a mother has been in the system that she *must* have issues and will probably not be a good mother. Every mom deserves a chance, and bless you all for wanting to give that chance.

[JoyFilled]

My friend fostered a teen mom. It didn't work out that well because the mother didn't want to learn to take care of her child. Eventually the child was taken permanetly.

[azedazobollis]

I considered it. Maybe when all of these children are grown and out of the house. And, I want to be sure they all get through teen years without making me a grandmother. I had a baby with a 15 year old mom, I considered it for about 10 minutes. The teen did not want to come into a foster home, so I would have expected her running away. The boyfriend was not allowed to be near the baby- but I was to expect her would come around. And, the teen had school -in which she didnt want to go, so I was going to have to be - well, her mother. Yes, in another time, if I could devote my every waking day to a teen mom and my four children- and that teen mom's baby..... but not now.

[cpeckys]

In my previous life, I was a caseworker for the Teen Parenting Service Network in Illinois. This was basically the private agency branch assigned to do case managment for pregnant and parenting teen wards of the state.
We had an extreme lack of foster homes. Other than relative placements, I think there were 2 moms with their babies in *traditional* foster homes. The rest of the moms were either in group homes, living with unapproved placements or living in independent living programs. We definitely needed foster homes.
The great majority of our teen parents had custody of their children. So in those cases you would only be the foster mother of the teen, not the baby. If the case was a TPR case, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to adopt the teen if that was what was desired by both.
There is no restriction in Illinois about having children of the same age and opposite sex, so your son wouldn't be a problem in terms of placement. The teens would need separate bedrooms, of course. It could be a problem in terms of what went on behind closed doors, but with teenagers, that is always going to be a concern, right?
From my experience, most of the teen parents had little positive parenting experience and were resistant to being told how to parent their kids (aren't we all at times )
We had to remember that these young parents were wards of the state for a reason, usually abuse or neglect by their own parents. They needed a lot of unconditional support and love.
There is definitely a need, at least in Illinois.

[Momily]

Cpeckys,

To clarify on a couple of questions -- when you said "the teen must have her own bedroom" do you mean separate from my son (which I would take as a given) or separate from the baby. Affording 4 bedrooms would be prohibitive.

Also if the mom is a foster child, but not the baby, how does that work for things like childcare subsidy. Here childcare subsidy is automatic for foster kids -- they're bumped to the top of the waiting list. Also, what about money for their food etc . . . ?

Thanks everyone, you've given me a lot to think about.

Emily

[Polliwog]

I'm sure that answer varies by location but most likely the baby would be able to share a room with the mother.

[cpeckys]

Originally Posted by Momily

Cpeckys,

To clarify on a couple of questions -- when you said "the teen must have her own bedroom" do you mean separate from my son (which I would take as a given) or separate from the baby. Affording 4 bedrooms would be prohibitive.

Also if the mom is a foster child, but not the baby, how does that work for things like childcare subsidy. Here childcare subsidy is automatic for foster kids -- they're bumped to the top of the waiting list. Also, what about money for their food etc . . . ?

Thanks everyone, you've given me a lot to think about.

Emily

Yes, the mom must have a bedroom separate from another male child, but not a separate one from her own child, or even another female child in the house.
In Illinois, children of wards of the state still qualify for the medical card, child care subsidy etc.
In Illinois, you are not given any money to support the child of the ward. The teen mom may get a small stipend to care for their child, but it is small (think $100/month)
If you have any other questions, just ask!!

[Momily]

I guess my other big question is the impact on my son. Has anyone ever fostered teens while they have teens? Particularly teens of different genders?

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by Momily

I'm a single adoptive mom of a 9 year old boy now, I'm also an early childhood special educator and school administrator whose job is mostly mentoring and coaching young teachers.

I really like the idea of fostering teen parents. It seems like it would combine lots of the things I'm good at. I love young kids, and love parenting and think I'm good at that. I also love mentoring and coaching adults. I really like the teen age years, but don't really like most of the curriculum enough to teach it (e.g. I'm not that into math, or history, or drama or whatever that I'd want to do that all day).

Has anyone done this? How feasible is it? Also, do you think it's reasonable to do with a teenage boy in the house, or should I wait until he's away at college or something.

Finally, does anyone have a clue what the housing requirements would be? Would I need a 4 bedroom home or could the baby share with it's mom? Would I be considered the foster mom of the little one(s) or only of the mom, if I'm not the foster mom of the little one would the baby (mom or me) still get things like subsidy, subsidized daycare, WIC etc . . . ?

Would adopting the mom ever be an option? Let's say I got a 14 year old, and we were a good fit -- could I adopt her?

I have a freinds who did this -- they were already FP and had 2 spots in their home, so the teen and the baby both had spots (the teen moved in pregant).

I don;t know how common it is ... but the FP ended up adopting the baby. the teen aand the teen father (not in custrdy) asked them to ... it took a while, but it did happne.

I am CERATINLY not saying that fostering a teen mom is a way to get a baby to adopt -- i suspect it is rare -- nor what that their intent ... the FP (and myself) already knew the teen from working with her in another aspect of the system and the fostered her in an attempt to help her keep the baby as that is what she and the teen dad voiced as their intent the whole prrgancy.

i do know you would have to have a "spot" for both the mom and the baby

Aimee

[heythere heather]

I don't know if I would do it when I had teenagers, but I don't have teenagers yet, so I'm not sure.

We haven't yet fostered a teen mom, but I know it's in our future.

[tiffani]

I have a good friend in Canada who is currently fostering a teen mom and her little guy. She is the legal guardian of both of them, but the teen mom does most of her son's care, aside from when she is unable to. My friend is also trying to let this girl have a relatively normal teen life, so she'll watch the little guy while the teen mom goes out (I"m referring to her as "teen mom" for clarity, not as a definition) but this does not always go well.

all in all it's a great arrangement, though the teen mom is doing really well, aside from a few normal teenage issues that seem to have passed -- I think figuring out boundaries when she first moved in and all that -- but she's in a program where she takes her son to school with her, and they all seem to be doing really well.

[Vancouver Mommy]

I have a friend who was basically thrown out of her mom's house when she became pg (mom wanted her to drop out of school and get a job) so she got herself to the city, went into social services and asked for foster care. The case worker asked if it was for the baby, but she said "no, for me". She stayed with the foster family for about two years (beyond the age of adulthood) and finished high school and the first year of nursing school. She kept her baby, got married, became a nurse and has had a great life. The baby is now 24.