ITT I am selfrighteous and judgemental toward a friend. :shame: - Page 2

[Om Girl]

When I look at other registries when I'm shopping for a baby shower I have to laugh, but I usually find a few redeeming items to shop for. I understand your feelings about shopping off registry though.
Just try and remember that some people research things before hand and others need some time.

[Everrgreen]

I went to a baby shower recently for a first time mom that had a huge registry full of stuff. I ignored it and bought her a pouch sling and she loved it! She was very excited about it. So I think ignoring registries isn't always a bad idea!

[bax]

I know how ridiculous some of these things are. Sometimes I feel like smacking people in the forehead and making the Homer Simpson "doh!" sound.

At the same time, I found myself understanding the beauty of things I never thought I'd rely on before I actually had a baby: say, the swing (when DD had reflux and barely ever slept and needed to be upright a lot and we were all going out of our minds) or Disney/Sesame Street/etc. videos (during this second pregnancy when I felt awful and was desperate for anything that would make my toddler stay still for a while so I could stay still for a while). (In fact, DD is watching video clips on Sesamestreet.org on the other half of the screen as I type this!) Actually having a kid will knock most self-righteousness right out of a mom-to-be--at least it did for me!

I am a huge proponent of registries and I always buy from them. There may be a reason why the "practical" things aren't on someone's registry (she already has them from a previous shower or borrowed things from friends, etc.). Also, I'd rather have a friend get me a wacky earth mom thing from my registry (say, two dozen cotton washcloths for my homebirth) even if she thought it was ridiculous than decide "for my own good" that I needed, say, an exersaucer. I mean, maybe she loved her exersaucer, but I don't want one, thanks. I try to extend the same courtesy to my friends that I hope they'll extend to me.

[Smirkin]

I have to say I agree with bax on this one - it seems logical to me that if I want my registry requests respected, I have to extend the same courtesy to others. I know TONS of well-meaning family members of mine who are convinced that this "cloth diaper phase" will not last more than a few weeks and then I'll "come to my senses." So to them, they would definitely feel that they are wasting their money in purchasing all the expensive cloth diapers we registered for. For them to refuse to buy the cloth diapers on the principle that they don't think I'll need them is the same thing as me refusing to buy a plastic toy off somebody else's registry because of my personal belief that it's not necessary (or even healthy). And we should all be careful of claiming that we are living these pure, healthy, plastic-free, chemical-free lives - we all make concessions to those "rules" from time to time, and I would hate to have someone over my shoulder nagging at me every time I broke down and bought fast food, or bought my kid the plastic thing he really really really wanted. Anyway, to each her own, right? Besides, it seems like mainstream society is catching up in some ways, at least with BPA awareness.

[snowgirl]

I agree with Bax as well.

And how can anyone not put all that stuff on the registry, when you go to register, there is a list of things you "need". If you never had a child before you would sign up for it too. And if you watch tv or read mainstream mags, esp. you see all these "decked" out nurseries. If that is your environment then you think that is what you need. The sad thing is all or most of that stuff are just replacements for mother's arms and people don't realize it. Our culture strives for independence at a very young age. Practically birth in some cases. I am very concerned for the physical and emotional well being of our children with this type of independence we are trying to achieve.

I registered for a swing, stroller, high chair, & crib sheets. But I also said no plastic or disposable items and I still got that crap.(to this day, it is still a battle with gifts for dd-no plastic, commercial items) I knew 2 things for sure, I was going to bf and cd. When baby came, we never used the crib and have since sold it(luckily we got it used), I rarely used the swing and the bouncy seat that I didn't register for. I surprisingly got a sling, but it was a NOJO and I hated it. My baby shower was mostly family and all very mainstream. I think sanity comes into play here and using things in moderation. I didn't know what kind of mother I would be. I thought we would never bedshare and guess what, we still are 4 years later. I was ap'ing and didn't even know it. People change.

nerdymom, how do you feel about being called a "hippie"? Sometimes that word is used for me. But, how many hippies do you know live in a very nice house and drives a brand new german station wagon? I don't know, I guess I get offended sometimes for being labeled something that I feel is inaccurate. I am mothering my child naturally that is all, I don't think you need to be a hippie to do that.

[slinginhipmama]

Originally Posted by Sheryl1678

If my family and friends want to stuff their house with plastic crap, I don't understand it but I don't really care either.

What gets me is that they feel the need to constantly mock me for using slings instead of stroller systems, cosleep instead of cribs, extended breastfeeding, etc. You know the deal. I am like a sitting duck and they have a great time with it.

I really think they are emotionally invested in the idea that they have to have this stuff to be good parents.

I agree with this completely! I can't stand when the comments about how I parent come up, I often bite my tongue,because its none of my business to say things to friends or strangers. I have to say though, I haven't had problems with my friends commenting its mostly from IL's and strangers!!

[hollycat]

one poster said, "they are emotionally invested in the idea that they need this stuff to be good parents".

well, i think a lot of us are emotionally invested in the idea that we DONT need this stuff, or we need OTHER stuff, or we need LESS stuff to be good parents.

the fact is, good parenting comes in ALL sizes, shapes and colors. there are good natural parents and bad ones. good breastfeeding moms and bad ones. good plastic buying parents and bad ones.

for me, personally, when i get personally offended or emotional about anothers choices, its very interesting because it always means something about me, much more than them.

[ChristianMomOf2]

I don't even look at a registry anymore... if they are breastfeeding I get a few things like cream, breastpads, gift cert for a nice place that sells nursing braws or something.

If they are not (thank goodness this is getting fewer and fewer), I get "practical clothes" the nice non-slip socks, hats for the sun or cold or both etc.

Sometimes I pre-make scrapbook pages so they can just fill in the pictures. Arrival, baby's 1st bath, smile and such.

[nerdymom]

Bax, you make excellent points. I also because I feel the same way about the "doh" sounds sometimes.

Originally Posted by snowgirl

nerdymom, how do you feel about being called a "hippie"? Sometimes that word is used for me. But, how many hippies do you know live in a very nice house and drives a brand new german station wagon? I don't know, I guess I get offended sometimes for being labeled something that I feel is inaccurate. I am mothering my child naturally that is all, I don't think you need to be a hippie to do that.

I get a HUGE kick out of the fact that my friends think that I am a hippie. It used to bother me, because it's soooo inacurate. Now I just laugh it off. Yeah, sure I make some nontraditional life choices, but really I feel like I'm pretty hard to catergorize. I am simply not afraid to go against the norm, I do as I believe is right. Part of my birthing and childcare choices have been based on what I believe is Biblical and right. We have been charged with being "good stewards" of everything we've been blessed with. My body, my health, and the health of my child, are blessings that need to be safeguarded. The (little) amount of money we have needs to be used in a responsible manner, and not for things which are (at this point in time)unnecessary and unneeded.

I'm not opposed to swings or bouncers or what-have-you, if there is a real need or desire for one. My opposition to putting these things on MY "registry" is that I don't yet know my baby or what s/he may need, or what will be most effective for my DH and I and our situation. I'm content to wait and see, and if need be, spend my own money on a product that I know we will get a lot of use from.

I hope no one misunderstood the intent of my original post. I was simple expressing my own personal thoughts. Of course I was very respectful to my friend and would never express these thoughts to her, because they would only hurt her feelings, and that is the LAST thing I want to do. I was simply expressing a series of thoughts that I have had that I am not proud of, but that I am trying to deal with.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. It's really interesting to hear everyone's point of view on this subject.