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When your dd is say 16-17, she got pregnant, boyfriend left her, what would you do?

post #1 of 96
Thread Starter 
What would you do if this situation presented itself in the future? What would you expect/want your dd to do, how would you help her, etc?
post #2 of 96
I would help her to explore all her options...termination, adoption, raising the baby. I'd love and support her in any decision she made...what else would a mother do?
post #3 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiromamma View Post
I would help her to explore all her options...termination, adoption, raising the baby. I'd love and support her in any decision she made...what else would a mother do?
yeh...i dont see any other choice. i have an 18 yo but i also have a 2 yo and a newborn. I think if my ds/dd were considering adoption, i may adopt the baby. i dont know..it would be so hard b/c right now im maxed out energy wise i think...but my own grandchild?? i dont think i could see it being raised by another family (though i understand and would support anyone who made that decision).

i agree, though...explore ALL options...including me raising the baby for awhile if need be...or simply helping him/her raise teh baby.

teenage pregancy is hard but certainly not the worst thing ever. alot of good can come of it.
post #4 of 96
yeah that

Quote:
Originally Posted by chiromamma View Post
I would help her to explore all her options...termination, adoption, raising the baby. I'd love and support her in any decision she made...what else would a mother do?
post #5 of 96
when my dd was 16 she got pregnant.
her bf did not leave her - he stuck around but who is to say that was for the best?
when she decided to keep the baby I supported her, when she decided that she couldn't do it and wanted to have an abortion, I supported her (this happened on mothers day) when her boyfriends mom convinced her son (and consequently my dd) to keep the baby, I supported her.

what can you do but stand behind you daughter in probably the most challenging time of he life. she had a very wonderful pregnancy, she poured everything she had into it. I don't think she had any idea how hard it was going to be to be a parent.. it has been very hard for her and continues to be. and even though boyfriend is now gone she is still working very hard to be the best mom she can (some days lol)

she lost a big piece her her childhood and growing up (not just from this but also some drug abuse earlier in her teen years) I love my gs to pieces but I sure wish dd could have had some more growing up time before being locked into her now mom role. she is 19 now and feeling quite stuck.
post #6 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiromamma View Post
I would help her to explore all her options...termination, adoption, raising the baby. I'd love and support her in any decision she made...what else would a mother do?
:

That's pretty much it. I really don't understand the mind set behind the other option. With help though, she can be a great mom.
post #7 of 96
I would want her to get an abortion, for sure.

However, I would keep that opinion to myself and, as chiromamma said, help her explore all her options and support her choice, whatever it was.
post #8 of 96
What would I do? I would be right there with her to help her through whatever she decided to do about it. I would explain the options to her and let her take it from there. If she decided to keep the baby, I would help her raise it if she wanted me to.

I would secretly be thrilled though. It's been a while since I had a baby in the house
post #9 of 96
I've seen this very situation in my family and in DH's and it's difficult, to say the least.

I would, as zinemama said, wish for her to get an abortion but I would NEVER pressure her. I would support her decisions and well, we'd have to do a lot of talking about what that support would look like...financial, babysitting, etc.
post #10 of 96
I would support her in whatever she chose to do, but I would try and steer her away from abortion.
post #11 of 96
Give her lots of :
post #12 of 96
I would secretly hope she would abort, but I would never tell her that. I know how insecure I felt and how difficult it was to be a mother at 24, I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I had started a family at 16. I would ensure she was educated on all options and that any of them would be ok to choose. I would also support her in whatever decision she made.
post #13 of 96
At 16 or 17, I would let her make the choice and I would stand behind her.

I have always taught my dd that if she gets pregnant as a teen, that she can pretty much assume the boy is NOT going to be there in a few years, so she had better be ready to do it alone (without the boy)

Boys can leave, girls have to make the choice.

I would let them live here as long as they needed to (within reason) and I would help them as long as she was either in school or working full time. I wouldn't allow them to stay here if I was fully supporting her with no future career or so much as a report card to show for it.
post #14 of 96
I was pregnant with my first child at 17, DDs father left as soon as he found out I was pregnant and has never been involved. I was a senior in HS and raised in a very religious house so abortion was something I never even considered. It devistated my parents, and in a "tough love" move the made me move out of the house in to my own apartment (but helped with rent) and I got a job. I dropped out of my 2nd half of my senior year to get a full time job and support myself and DD. I won't lie, it was hard as hell at times. I hated my parents for it at first, and people that I tell my story to often have a very negative reaction.

The thing is, they still supported me, just not in their house. They helped watch her while I went on interviews, they came over and stayed with me at times and I still slept at their house. But it was a drastic move to make me grow up and become accountable quickly. And it worked.

I have no doubt that the right things were done (at least for me as a person) because I became a mature, self functioning, adult. I got my GED, I started attending college at night and while I had my teenage setbacks still, things were good. As a result of all of this, I am at a MUCH better place than a lot of my HS peers who partied through college, dropped out and still don't know what they are doing with their lives.

So honestly, I don't have much advice besides support her how you feel its best, and love her unconditionally. But I wanted to share my story to provide a positive turn out to what is often a really hard situation.
post #15 of 96
i would do the same thing my parents did for me. support me whole heartedly and keep my opinions to myself. about 2 weeks after my 20th bday i told my dad (on fathers day im a moron) that i was pg. my parents were loving and supportive. they never told me what to do. they supported me when i wanted to keep ds and had no interest in exploring any other option.

they supported me when dp moved in with me and my best friend. they supported me when me and dp stayed with them a few weeks before i was due and then a few weeks after ds was born. they supported me when i stopped taking more then one college class at a time to be a SAHM. they support every choice i make with ds even if they don't understand it. they support me everyday and tell me all the time they are proud of my and what a great mother I am.

i hope that if that ever happens to one of my children i will be able to do the same for them.
post #16 of 96
I would definitely hug her and hold her tight and first and foremost listen to her when and if she needed me too. I would never present abortion or adoption to her as an option. I would be heartbroken if someone said those words to me when I told them I was pregnant, no matter the situation and I couldn't picture myself uttering them to another. At 16-17 my daughters will already know of these options and if they wanted to make the choice to do either I would support them no matter what my personal feelings as it wouldn't be my choice, but theirs. I would be there for them all the way no matter. Appointments, money, any need for counseling or outside help I would help to establish it. I would offer to adopt the child first if she was considering adoption. I would let them know that I would support them emotionally and financially throughout the pregnancy, birth, and motherhood as needed, just as I would do anyway no matter their age. I would help care for the child as much as my current situation permitted. I homeschool right now, but don't know what they will be doing for education at 16-17, possibly still homeschooling, possibly public, possibly taking some college courses already. Whatever the situation was I would find a way to support their education or support them if they decided to suspend it until later. I would help them get a GED if that was the decision.

As far as the father, I would hope that he would want to be involved with the child. I would either pursue child support or ask that the father give up his rights to the child. If he did not want to be part of the child's life or support the child he shouldn't have any rights.
post #17 of 96
I would tuck my daughter in my arms and ask what she wanted and needed. I would be available for whatever she chose including living with me and having the baby at home. Honestly I would be most concerned about prenatal health and would prefer her close by, if she wanted to leave that would be the hardest thing for me.
post #18 of 96
I would be there for her and make sure she has all the knowledge she needs in order to make the best decisions for herself and her unborn child. I would gladly welcome a grandbaby, gladly. I would never judge her for her actions or be down on her. I'd just be the mother that I know she would need.
post #19 of 96
My dd is 15.5. We are going to dr. Thursday for birthcontrol. Sallie
post #20 of 96
I would rant and rave and then rant and rave some more. LOL

Then I would sit down with her and discuss all of her options and help her choose what she felt was the best way to go.

Of course, if she decided to have the child, I would help her raise it.
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