I don't think it's possible to help someone too much. What I've found is that the more I help someone the more they will want to do things for themselves and also help others. There is a difference between helping people and doing everything for them as if they can't do for themselves.
That is hard to determine sometimes. I support her financially - could she get a job and pay for at least some of her own expenses? probably. Could she go to school? yea, but she doesn't do these things because she is taken care of.
Then there are her emotional needs. She struggles with anger and impatience. I spend every evening after work and weekends with dgs, is this taking away her ability to figure out her way as a mother? I really don't know.. I am sorry to slightly de-rail this thread - but these are things that weigh heavily on me