|i was just thinking about this.. and if i were going to give my baby up for adoption i would never let a family member adopt. my parents were great parents.. actually everyone in my family is but i absolutely could not give my child to a family member to be raised. i think it would kill me. if my child wanted to do this when she got pg (fictional dd since i have a boy lol) i think i would be hesitant to do it. if she wanted to give her child to me to adopt i would think it is because she does not actually want to let go of her child. I would make sure that she knew i did not have to adopt the baby to help her with him and see what she thought after that.
I'm surprised this wasn't brought up before you said it. Had I been a young pregnant teen (got pregnant - planned - 2 months before my 20th bday), still living at home, not married, yada yada yada my parents would have been the LAST person I would have considered for adoptive parents. I may have chosen an aunt or something - somebody who did not live nearby. But never somebody I saw more often than weekly. That would be so hard to emotionally distance myself as THE mother and be in the right place mentally to know that I am the birth
mother, not the day to day mother. It's hard enough for me to see any child sad in public when they are disciplined, even when it's done gently and with good reason. Now shoudl that be MY child, one whom I could not take care of, then to see another person who I know so well "step in" and discipline my child, oh boy. That would bring out a mama bear in me. For my mental happiness, I would NEED some distance. Both location wise, so as not to run into them all the time and family wise. It would need to be a complete stranger to me.
I have thought about this lots. There is no way I could give my daughter unbiased information. I would take her to Birth Right, Planned Parenthood, etc and have THEM give her some information on her choices. Sure, by then she probably would know the Big 3, but I doubt she would know the full legal stuff of abortion, all the resources available to her should she choose to keep the baby, and the detailed medical description of what an abortion really is
and what the recovery would be like. I know as a teen, I had no idea what an abortion really was - just a "procedure" that was done to remove the baby.
I would be thrilled to be chosen as an adoptive parent to her child, but only if it was what she *really* wanted. If SHE could distance herself and become the birthmother, not the actual mother (ok actual was not the right word, but I'm drawing a blank on a better word to use) the I would be ok with it. Like a pp said, though, I'd be afraid that it would be her way of letting go without really letting go. If that's the case, then I'd assure her, adoptive mom or not, that I would be there for her, help her with a lot of the day to day stuff, and give advise when asked and otherwise keep my mouth shut.
I'm sorry, but those of you who either will not "allow" your daughter to get an abortion (whatever that means, she doesn't need your permission) or will only give her the choice to get an abortion are setting yourselves up for failure and will have a snowball's chance of having a good r/s with your daughter. It isn't your decision to make, and it shouldn't be treated as such. Too bad if it took you a long time to conceive and was effortless for your daughter. That would be you pushing your own problems on your daughter, and it simply isn't fair. I feel sorry for your daughters should they ever be in such a situation.
|Especially if my pregnancy now is the hypothetical DD we're talking about. It took me 12 months to conceive.
That would be you putting your own emotional struggles onto your dd. Your dd shouldn't have to be tied down by your
struggles. The amount of time it did or didn't take one to conceive should not have ANY correlation to what your dd decides to do with her