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Tips for New Dads?  

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Hi Guys!
I'm writing a checklist for new fathers that includes things dads can do with his newborn, ways to help mom, how to cope with new parenthood, etc. Would any of you mind helping me out with your best tips? Things you wish you would have known in the first few weeks of parenthood?
I'd really appreciate it!
-Kristen
post #2 of 5
I'm still there, so I don't have much to offer.

The one thing that really helped us so far was when our pediatrician said something like "if the baby looks at you out of her right eye, then you should feed her. If she looks at you out of her left eye, then you should try to feed her. If she cries, you should try to feed her. etc etc." My MIL kept trying to save DW from having to BF constantly and we couldn't stop the baby from crying. I mean, we were feeding often (like every two hours), but once we just started feeding her constantly it got a LOT better.

Also-BF was not as easy for my DW as it seems to be from the BF board on mdc. Expect it to take some work.

Edit-Although, now with the constant feeding, Mara has a gigantic noggin and about eight chins.
post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
Thank you! What a great ped. you must have! That goes against what a lot of families are hearing, but I think it's really cool that there is support for on-demand nursing from the medical community (albeit a small amount of support!).

Keep them coming! I'd really love to hear from more daddies!
post #4 of 5

Hmmm...

I'm a first time dad, just over 1 month into it.

Here are my thoughts, off the top of my head:

-cloth diapering is much easier than I expected. I do much of the changing (as my brother put it, my wife is responsible for input, so I take care of output), as well as the laundering. I was quite frightened going in, but it's really been a breeze. I hear that often dads are the ones who are most apprehensive about CDing, so my advice is: try it, it's really not hard!

-breastfeeding is much harder than I expected. It really is a drain on my wife, literally and figuratively. Be there to help in any way you can-- this may include pillow arranging, fetching a glass of water, or any number of other things.

-our baby loves to hang out on her stomach on my chest. This is some of the best father-daughter bonding time I can imagine. We often do it after a feeding session at night until she calms down enough to sleep. She loves for me to sing to her while she's on my chest.

-Just generally spend as much time as you possibly can at home with your newborn and your partner in the early days and weeks. You can't get that time back...
post #5 of 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtullius View Post

-Just generally spend as much time as you possibly can at home with your newborn and your partner in the early days and weeks. You can't get that time back...
I have to second this sentiment, as this is the thing that hit me the most. I was very lucky to have almost 4 weeks off when DD was born, so I was able to participate in the rhythm of everyone figuring out what was going on, and to just take in what I found to be the amazing process of watching first-hand as a human forms concepts around experiences.

I also found cloth diapering to be relatively easy, and rather satisfying. Especially in the first weeks, when the outside world seemed very fast and loud, it was nice to not have to leave the house for such supplies. I just went downstairs, did the diapers for the day, and found an odd, almost toy-like amusement at a dryer full of warm, clean diapers. We got high-tech (or so it seemed to me) with all sorts of cloth diapering solutions, so there was an amusing level of gadget factor in just putting the things together for use once they were clean. Thankfully, they also did a very good job, to the point that I felt like disposables were awkward & nowhere near as reliable when we were traveling (YMMV).

Looking back, there were some other things that hit me in the first weeks:

1. Frozen, ready-made, or gifted meals were mighty sweet. We had moved to a place that has an oddly low delivered food ratio, compared to where we moved from, so getting over the disappointment of not being able to have a wide variety of foods delivered was only helped by having things we really liked as frozen dinners, with as much variety as possible, so there didn't have to be huge fuss over what/how to eat. DW wasn't really mobile in the first week after DD was born, so I did everything outside the bedroom (DD was born at home), making the simplification of mealtimes very helpful. Gifts from friends made a nice difference, since it was again just serving up the meal, and visits from family members made a home-cooked meal seem luxurious. Anything that made the basic everyday tasks easier felt gift-like since we were so focused on really spending the first weeks together.

2. Think some ahead of time about what you want the first weeks to be like. Regardless of where you're having the baby, if the partners involved can discuss what they want in terms of focus and pace in the first weeks, I think you'll get more out of the time, especially if time off is hard to get, since guys don't often get "maternity leave" quite yet. Figuring out if it's more or less stressful to have lots of family and friends around in the first days and weeks seems critical, to me, since, as mtullius said, "You can't get that time back." Once the basic settling in happens, having discussed ahead of time how you want the first days weeks to unfold can help remove stress & distractions and hopefully help get the most out of the early time, in whatever time off is available.

3. I imagine it's already on your list, since it's the most common suggestion I remember that we heard, but I'll repeat it, since it was one of the most specifically useful things we did at the beginning: "SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS." If you have the time off to not be working at the beginning (hopefully at least 2 weeks), following the sleep patterns made it possible for us to be coherent to participate in the baby growing and learning so much so fast.

(I had another point, but writing this took long enough that my session timed out and it ate my post )

Other than that, I keep coming back to that original suggestion, since it really helped us keep a lot of things in perspective and relieved a lot of stress, since we as partners were on the same page where priorities were concerned - focusing on being home and enjoying the time while we could made it easier to not get stressed on details and focus on enjoying the time while we really had it to all be together, at as much leisure as we could manage.

Best of luck to you with the list, and to anyone starting the adventure of parenting. Definitely the most important job in the world.
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