My surreal due date

[buckysprplmonkey]

Today is my due date! Of course, my baby's 11w4d old already. It's so surreal to have this baby here that's been here for so long and today is my due date. I've spent almost 12 weeks thinking about how I should still be pregnant and mourning the loss of the last trimester of my pregnancy and now I officially should be done being pregnant. So weird. I don't even know how to explain it. Part of me wants to get pregnant again because I feel like I got gypped (I had some seriously cute maternity clothes that went to waste), but part of me never wants to even risk going through all that again. I'm just having a weird day and needed to get that off my chest.

[OkiMom]

That can't be easy to deal with.. Whats the chances of another baby having the some problem that Levi had?

[buckysprplmonkey]

Based on the statistics, it's impossible to have another baby with ABS. It's never been recorded to happen twice in the same family, as there are no known genetic or environmental triggers and the odds for it to begin with are so astronomical. But there are so many other things that can go wrong and I would definately have to have another cesarean. And because of the type of incision they did, even our midwife said they'd not be comfortable letting us go past 36 or 37 weeks again. Ever.

I don't even think I want another baby (given the way my family's been lately, I'd like to give back a few that I already have. . .). I just want that part of my pregnancy back.

[Katielady]

aw bucky. I'm so sorry. I can imagine that being really hard. I've actually been thinking about you a lot lately- it was so long ago that you had Levi, and now all the term babies are starting to come. It must be so surreal.

Is there an "in-person" support group that you can go to for moms of preemies? Sometimes just being around other people who are grieving in the same way can help. And while online stuff is a godsend, there's really no substitute for being face to face with people.

The reason I thought to mention that is that I just got back from an ICAN meeting and am so glad I went. It is nice to spend time talking with people who get the whole idea of being happy to have a healthy baby but still full of grief about the birth experience. Maybe an ICAN meeting could help you too, if you can't find something specifically having to do with premature birth.