Move away from family? - Page 2

[IloveAllMyBabies]

iam going to move over seas soon away from my family and move in with my inlaws which iam fine and happy about

my family is upset about it but we been telling them since we got married that we r not going to live here for ever one day we r leaving now that we have kids we keep reminding them that when he has to start school we r leaving soo he can go to school in lebanon

anyways they r upset and keep trying to talk us out of it but we just tell them it is best for us over there i get help with the kids i dont get help here cause u guys r sick and cant soo they understand that but still sad to see there grandkids go

it is a hard choice but iam not close with my family at all soo that made it easy honestly i cant wait to leave soo i dont have to care for them anymore it is too hard caring for them plus 2 kids and trying to take care of my house and husband soo heck yeah i wanta leave

[CattiBrieDourden]

We are thinking of this too...

We are looking to move in the next year or so, several states away. We've talked about it ever since we started dating. It's just so stifling, politically, culturally, religiously...we just want to get away from Louisiana. Schools are horrible...

anyway. We live next door to my father in law. He watches the girl on a regular basis. I have one aunt that I'm very close to. Other than that, we rarely see family, so we don't mind so much leaving. I am very scared of being alone in a new city, though. I've moved so much as a child, I think I've become very safe where I am and moving will be out of my comfort zone.

Ultimately, it will be what is best for our children, our immediate family. So I'll do it.

[bluey]

Originally Posted by philomom

Here's the thing.... if you don't move now... will you ever?
My family told me moving my kids would "ruin" them. I was never sure what they meant by that, but the kids are fine. They found new friends and do well in school.

The big minus is creating your new support system in the new city. Are you prepared to be lonely and homebound for a time because you haven't met folks and/or don't have a sitter? I have a friend who moved to a little town in Minnesota who was very lonely and depressed for years because she couldn't seem to meet like minded folks. It takes time to make new friends you can count on.

What she said. We moved, granted it's only 4 hours away, but it was sort of the same situation. It turned out to be more of a blessing than we thought it would be. We knew we weren't thriving in our old place, but didn't realize how unhappy we were until we left. We've been here for 3 years now, and while my family ended up following us here (which is alright since they aren't in your face types) it has improved relations with his family.

It will take awhile to build up a new support system, but it happens

[Alison's Mom]

Tough call, and I think that there will be people who have moved away who regret it, and people who have moved away who love it. It really depends on a lot of factors, and some of them won't be evident until you actually move. However, like one PP said, the move doesn't have to be forever. . . you could always move back.

I live in the same city I grew up in, although I have lived in a couple other places before we had kids. DH's family is now living here too, and with all that, we couldn't possibly move away (MIL's health is fading), although DH often dreams about moving to far away exotic places and starting cool businesses, etc. Being close to our families is great for us. I find my parents are really close to my kids, closer than they are to my brother's kids (they live 7 hrs away by car) and I am way closer to my parents than I was before I had kids, because now we are more 'in the same boat'.

Not having family around is tough for a lot of people, but some people like being free and independent.

[KavaKaya]

We moved away from our families (across the pacific ocean) and BIL's family followed us.... And now live a mile away.

I would do it. Like the pp said, you can always move back in a few years if it doesn't work out.

[reezley]

We lived 4 hrs from my family for the first year of ds1's life. Then moved to be near them. Had ds2, and having family nearby helped a TON with helping out with ds1 while I tended to baby so much of the time. Then we moved this year - to Portland ME, as it happens! We're only 2 hrs from the family now, and we see my parents/sisters every few weeks, with somebody making the drive up or down. I definitely feel the day-to-day loss of help and friendly company and lack of "dates", however brief, with my dh. But every few weeks or month isn't bad.

This is all to say.... If there's a viable option 3-4 hours away, that's what I vote for. That is a trip people can manage for a quick overnight visit. 12 hours (or a plane trip) seems prohibitive to me.

[Bohemian Squash]

That's a tough one.
I agree with if you don't move now, when will you? In fact my Mom told me that before we moved to Alaska. We used to live in our hometown, 3 blocks from my parents! When DS was one DH got a job offer in Alaska and we took it! We LOVE it here and don't regret it. But it broke our parents hearts, even if they were completely supportive. We're both close to our families. We'd love to stay here, but it's not "home" without family. So, I say meet in the middle so to speak. We're moving "back", but 5ish hours away from our hometown in North Dakota. We're moving to Northern Minnesota, so we're moving somewhere beautiful with skiing and hiking (that we love here in AK) but still close enough that we can drive home for a weekend and see the grandparents!

[Phoenix~Mama]

It depends on each person and how close they are with their family I think.

I have tried living away from my family on two different occaisons. Once I was about a 5 hour drive from them, the other a 9 hour drive. It was too heart breaking for me. I come from a large family and know my cousins well and we have family get togethers often with all the extended family. I want my children to know this and this is very important to me.

I know not everyone has the same outlook and some families enjoy being indepent and away.

But honestly I love that my Mom is right down the road and can help with the kids. And I love watching my parents with the kids and it has really grown my love and appreciation for my parents even more.


I have to say I love Maine though. lol I love most of New England really... the 5 hours away place I lived was in Massachusettes and that was more doable... but the cost of living there is insane.

I think you have to listen to your heart. Everyone will have a different take on what is most important to them.

[Bookworm]

We did this. My husband works from home. We were in conservative SUV land with crime and a city we hated and a tough family situation. We were given a REALLY hard time by some family members, and my guilt was bad at times, but I don't regret what we did. We are better off. The closest town we could find that met our requirements was 5.5 hours, and that is really a bit too far. It's hard on the grandparents, and on our daughter, to make that drive very often. They miss each other. If we could've found something 3 hours away, I think it would have been PERFECT. Far enough, but not too far. We were in Tenneessee, though, and had to be able to drive to Kentucky for the other set of grandparents, and it was very hard to find a good town. People will act like you're crazy, to move to a place where you don't know anyone. (You're moving where? A job? Why? You're leaving your parents? Won't that be hard on them?) That includes the new town you choose, too. (Did you move here for a job? School? You chose this little ol' town? You don't have family here?) It can be hard to face that. We did the right thing, though. My advice is to start with a closer drive, and then later if you want to move farther, do it. Rent first.

[butterflykisses4]

I feel you. We are in the same ship. Where we currently live we rent. We LOVE the school system and the city. My whole family lives about 10 mintues away which works since my DH travels alot.
We too are thinking of moving though to NC where it is warmer (I am not a ton of snow girl) we can buy a home for what we are paying in rent here. And the schools are about the same. However, my family too has been putting the guilt on. It is good to know that I am not the only one going through this with family. =)

[BarefootScientist]

I haven't read the other responses but just wanted to offer I don't really have any useful advice.

We live 10-14 hours away from our family and it sucks, honestly. I love where we live but it is such an ordeal to visit family, and it is hard not to have any family support. But I can totally see how being around family all the time would be rough too. We moved before we had DS. I know if we lived where we did before (20 mins from MIL) I would be going crazy now that she has a grandchild to dote on.

I think 2-3 hours away would be an awesome compromise, but of course if there's no city in that range what can you do? And I know it is also hard if you can't find like-minded friends.

Hmm. It's a tough one. Again, just

ETA: Totally OT but isn't it funny how we measure distance in hours? I hear that in Europe and even some places on the east coast they measure distance in units of distance.

[claddaghmom]

This is a topic DH and I talk about a lot. We would love to move to the coast. I'm just not ready for that yet. We are both the oldest children in our families and still have kid-siblings at our parents' homes. My youngest sister is turning 4! I don't want to move 2k miles away and miss them as they grow up, KWIM?

And with my family being so big, I'd be surprised if they could ever visit us. It'd be a long, long car ride. They'd have to rent two vehicles, lol! I also couldn't guarantee that DH and I would make frequent visits to them, either. We like to stay busy busy.

Maybe in a few years.........


DH jokes that he needs to win the lottery and buy a mansion in CA so we can move everyone out there hahaha.