Law Enforcement families?

[MamaStarbird]

I know you're out there! I'm feeling cranky and need to vent.

Dear DH, I know you love your job and of course I'm thrilled about that big drug bust. But when you leave for work at 1 pm and don't get home until 4:30 am (when I'm waking up with cranky DD who was restless all night) and then go straight to sleep until it's time to go back to work, and then come home at 6 pm for a home-cooked dinner but can't hold DD because you're in uniform, and then go back out on the road until long after she's asleep, and you're working eight days straight this week...I start to get a little pissy. And it's totally out of your control, and you offered to just stay up with DD at 4:30 am so I could sleep in, but then you'd be working without having slept and that would make me worry more than I already do, and I don't blame you at all and I'd never want you to switch careers, but sometimes a husband with a boring old 9-5 job (that pays way more than you're making as a cop) doesn't sound all that bad...

deep breath..

Okay, feeling much better!

How about any other LEO families? Want to share?

[doulamom24]

My dh is in the academy right now so i don't have a ton of venting to do...but I really do get annoyed when he puts clothes with OC spray on them in with the rest of the laundry!!! That can't be good. Or he comes home from defensive tactics and tries to fight everyone in the family because he learned some "cool new moves".

Also, do you ever get used to all of the signals? Like a foreign language!

vent away mama, I'll listen.

[onlygirls]

DH is coming up on his one year anniversary. He graduated from the academy Jan 2007 after 12 years in the Marine Corps so we are happy with the pay. I think his dept is one of the highest paid in an area with a low COL so it works for us.

My vent is what we call "Early Friday". He has two shifts. Either T, W Th off or Sat, Sun, Mon. When he has weekends off, he works Thurs night, comes home @ 7:00 am and sleeps. He has to be back at work Fri night, leaving our house @ 5:30 PM. He basically works all day Friday so when he gets home Sat he is EXHAUSTED and the "day off" is wasted. : We hate that schedule and it causes so many problems. It works better for him to be off during the week.

Overall, I like the hours and the pay. I don't worry about him at all. Compared to Iraq, this is a piece of cake.

[doulamom24]

My dh did nine years in the Navy! We have pretty decent pay here too. It's kind of a shock taking the pay cut from the Navy at first, but the offduty work is incredible (when he is allowed to do it.....).

They also have a really good schedule. 5 days on 5 days off. One of the reasons he decided to stay here and do police work rather than go somewhere else.

What has been the most challenging thing for you so far?

One of my most embarassing moments was when I went to one of our local uniform shops and was going to buy him something for his birthday. He had only been in the academy for a month and a half. I asked the clerk what she thought would be a good gift for a newbie officer and she said very loudly, "You can't buy anything that says POLICE on it" and then made me stand there forever! I got him an organizer for his car eventually, but she was less than helpful. And I felt so out of place. I guess it's probably how I felt at the NEX the first time. I'll go to the other supply store from now on though. Learned my lesson.

[justKate]

Hi!

My Huz is a coastie but does more border-patrol type stuff.... He usually works regular days except every 5th day is a 24-hour shift when he can't leave base at all. Which means he either spends $$$ ordering in every meal or I have to take him dinner, breakfast, and lunch. It's a PIA.

And of course the 24 hour shifts always seem to fall on a Fri/Sat/Sun, which really ruins the weekend.

Thanks for letting me comiserate....

[hopefulfaith]

Originally Posted by MamaStarbird

Dear DH, I know you love your job and of course I'm thrilled about that big drug bust. But when you leave for work at 1 pm and don't get home until 4:30 am (when I'm waking up with cranky DD who was restless all night) and then go straight to sleep until it's time to go back to work, and then come home at 6 pm for a home-cooked dinner but can't hold DD because you're in uniform, and then go back out on the road until long after she's asleep, and you're working eight days straight this week...I start to get a little pissy. And it's totally out of your control, and you offered to just stay up with DD at 4:30 am so I could sleep in, but then you'd be working without having slept and that would make me worry more than I already do, and I don't blame you at all and I'd never want you to switch careers, but sometimes a husband with a boring old 9-5 job (that pays way more than you're making as a cop) doesn't sound all that bad...

Bolding mine. I hear ya, sister. Sounds familiar....

[MamaStarbird]

Oh my gosh, justkate, a 24 hour shift is crazy! And I'm sure it takes at least another 24 hours to settle back into a normal routine.

And doulamom, I've learned that there is nothing in the Galls catalog that DH doesn't think he desperately needs. The joke in our household is that any ordinary item (ie, socks, underwear) when available in the color black and referred to as 'tactical' is suddenly a must-have!

And everyone with a DH who used to be in the military, thank you for reminding me how grateful I am that DH didn't go that route (and he came pretty darn close). No matter how frustrating or scary his job can be, at least I get to see him every day and know that he's okay:. Thanks for giving me a little perspective!

[onlygirls]

I should add that there are departments that are not as safe as DH's, so that is why I don't worry about him. In another city (LAPD) I might not be so relaxed.

However, they are at risk every time they go to work. That is why I always tell him to be safe and I love him. :

[SAHDS]

Hello!

DH has been a LEO for over 7 years now (after doing 4 years in the Marines). We absolutely LOVE his choice of career! He works 4 days/week - 10 hour shifts (graveyard). He gets home minutes before the LOs wake up, goes to sleep minutes after hey leave for school, wakes up minutes before they come home from school and leaves minutes after they go to sleep. To our kids, he' a SAHP with a full-time job, LOL.

DH does work in a pretty dangerous area, though. For reference, the COPS crew was riding with them for about 5 weeks. It's always something different. And, yeah, it sucks when I get the call that says "I've been in a shooting, I'm fine." But, he loves his job so I can't complain. Also, the pay and benefits are amazing (although we do live in a high COL area)!

Anyone else enjoy ride-alongs? My first was on Easter Sunday and I was petrified but it was so cool to see him at work. I swear, he is a completely different person.

Also, about the uniform stuff - DH is a NUT about it. I swear, it seems as though there's not too many days when he doesn't have blood or spit or God-knows-what on him and he is super careful to take care of it.

Oh, and I cannot recommend this book enough:

BUY THIS BOOK!

[CheapPearls]

I found you! I was wondering what happened to the LEO families tribe just earlier today.

I put that book on my wish list. Thanks!

My DH is still in the academy too, only 8 weeks left! He spent 3 years AD Army and is now in the National Guard as well as going law enforcement. What fun. But hey, he gets both his boyhood dreams fulfilled.

I do have a question though for the experienced wives. How do you help them deal, emotionally, with that they encounter on the job? During their last ride out week, Dh and his FTO handled a rape case that ended up being screwed up for different reasons (nothing that was the officers' fault) and the guy has fled the country (Found that out today). DH is angry and upset about it and I feel a bit helpless on how to help him deal with the emotional aspect of this job. Does it change the longer he's on the street and he gets used to it? I don't mind being an outlet and listening to him but it also upsets me so I'm not sure if that helps him much. Gah. What can I do? We live in Austin TX so there is always crazy stuff happening. Am I driving myself crazy over something that isn't a big deal? Do your SOs even talk with you about job stuff? (Does that book you linked cover this?)

Can you tell I haven't really talked with other LEO wives lately? The only wives I know, their husbands are in the academy to so that doesn't help. I'm reading I Love A Cop, that was given to me and the other wives when our guys started the academy but it's actually pretty depressing and I'm having trouble focusing on it.

[SAHDS]

I've heard I Love A Cop and Cops Don't Cry are both fairly depressing. The book I linked is amazing. It explains things in a very casual but informative way. DH and I have both read it and appreciate everything in it.

As for dealing, good question. DH doesn't dwell, you just can't. The only thing you can do is your job, anything else is out of your hands. Worrying about anther/prior incident could distract you and, in LE, that could be quite dangerous.

DH does talk to me a lot and, thankfully, his best friend (of 7+ years) is his partner so they talk a lot and that always makes me, and his wife, feel very good (plus his wife i a cop in Seattle, so she knows all about it). But, he definitely doesn't "bring his work home" like a lot of other cops.

Trust me, read that book ASAP and it will set you, and your DH, up for success. So many things are explained and it's good to have a heads up before the need to fix a problem arises.

If you have questions, or want to chat, PM me any time

[CheapPearls]

Thanks! I can see I was rambling a bit in the middle of the night. Haha!

There's another cadet in the academy that he's becoming good friends with (which works because I'm friends with his wife ) that will be in the same sector and probably the same shift after they are commissioned. I'm sure that they are going to use each other as a sounding board when stuff starts to get to them.

With 2 weeks of ride outs with FTOs, that was the only thing that bothered him. It may just be the circumstances because things did get horribly screwed up when they shouldn't have and the guy got away. I can see where that would make him angry. He was talking to me about it last night and I just started thinking about the future. He fell asleep before I could talk to him about my worries, I'll have to bring it up today and see what he says about it.

[MamaStarbird]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

Oh, and I cannot recommend this book enough:

BUY THIS BOOK!

Thanks! DH bought "I Love a Cop" years ago, leafed through it, and told me, "Don't read this! It'll just upset you," so I've never even opened it.

For the most part, DH hasn't been that emotionally affected by work. Minor things he can talk out with me. He'll often come home at 5 am still full of adrenaline from whatever he was working on that kept him out late. He always insists he's too worked up to sleep but I encourage him to get in bed and tell me about it, and by the time he's done telling the story he's always asleep . Of course, by then I'm wide awake, but no big deal...

The worst thing he's dealt with was an officer-involved shooting (where, thank Goddess, he wasn't the one who had to fire his gun, his canine didn't get sent into danger, and the officer who was shot will make a full recovery). For that, the best thing for me to do was give him space to do what he needed to feel better. In his case, that meant meeting up every night with the other guys involved and getting drunk while talking through what had happened. My mom helped me with the baby so DH didn't need to worry about not being there for us; we understood that he needed to take care of himself first or he'd be a complete wreck.

[onlygirls]

My DH also works for APD.

I guess it depends on the sector, but there is NOTHING going on where he is...and he is ok with it. There isn't a lot of crime in Austin. DH mostly deals with DUI's and is considering the 55 unit (DUI) later on.

DH's deployments in Iraq were hard on him. Nothing compares to what he lived through, so work doesn't have the same effect on him. I think the only thing that would shake him up is seeing child that has been abused or killed. We talk about his work every day, he loves his job.

I read a couple pages of I Love a Cop and was ready to throw it away. I didn't really like the family activites that they had at the academy. We have found a great group of friends through his shift and get together with them regularly so there is my support if I ever need it.

[CheapPearls]

Originally Posted by onlygirls

My DH also works for APD.

Awesome!

Maybe it's just just we moved here (in May) all kinds of exciting things seem to be happening.

[SAHDS]

Originally Posted by MamaStarbird

The worst thing he's dealt with was an officer-involved shooting (where, thank Goddess, he wasn't the one who had to fire his gun, his canine didn't get sent into danger, and the officer who was shot will make a full recovery). For that, the best thing for me to do was give him space to do what he needed to feel better. In his case, that meant meeting up every night with the other guys involved and getting drunk while talking through what had happened. My mom helped me with the baby so DH didn't need to worry about not being there for us; we understood that he needed to take care of himself first or he'd be a complete wreck.

DH was in a shooting about 2 months back (he wasn't hit, but the 'bad guy' was). He took it very well, I was a bit tense. The other 2 guys involved (one who has been a friend for 8 years) and their wives went out to dinner with us that night and we all talked through everything. It was nice to get it all out. DH works a pretty crazy area so I don't think he's as affected because it's a part of the job all the time. He is still mad that he hasn't gotten his gun back, what a baby. DH isn't a drinker thank goodness, that can be a slippery slope (if you read the book I lined, it talks about that quite a bit).

DH had the opportunity to work where we live but he turned it down because it's so boring. The deputes out here get maybe a call a week. I'm sure he'll try for S.W.A.T when that becomes available (he did S.W.A.T - CQB - in the MC for 2 years). I told him I wanted him to do K-9 cause I want another dog, LOL. Their dogs are awesome, we LOVE them!

Don't you love how much you save in gas with a take-home car (if your DH has one). Nice little perk, especially since DH works 45 min. away.

Oh, and the uniforms are HOT! DH's is midnight blue (looks almost black) and he wears the jumpsuit style.

[MamaKath]

I completely understand! I am pretty sick of beings ships passing in the night. He has been at this dept for 6 years, worked at another for about 3 years. Interesting to hear that I am not the only one whose dh started after they got married/serious.

[Valkyrie9]

Hi! My husband is a conservation officer and this is hunting season, so I totally get the upset over the schedule. Matt works seven days a week and we often only see him for an hour a day here and there, and he wonders why our daughter doesn't seem to want him around--she's 2.5 and has a hard time adjusting to having him close when she hasn't seen him for the last 23 hours. Another stress is that his department doesn't give them overtime, so he's got comp time out the wazoo and he goes into use-or-lose with his vacation time. He gets jacked, big time.

Anyway, he's taken the Emotional Survival classes once and raved about it. I hope it comes through our area again.

Hi to all the other LEO moms out there!

[justKate]

Ahh! Valkyrie9, my real name is Casey too! My dad started calling me Kate when I was little and it stuck... Can I ask how old you are, if you don't mind? I'm 27 and I don't meet a lot of Caseys that are both female and old enough to be mamas!

MamaStarbird, of course the tactical version is better. It has to be. It costs more.

[Valkyrie9]

Originally Posted by justKate

Ahh! Valkyrie9, my real name is Casey too! My dad started calling me Kate when I was little and it stuck... Can I ask how old you are, if you don't mind? I'm 27 and I don't meet a lot of Caseys that are both female and old enough to be mamas!

That's so funny! Casey is a nickname for a lot of people, and it is funny to hear of one getting a nickname that stuck. It's my given name, and I was named for Casey Tibbs, who was a world champion rodeo cowboy. (My mother...) Anyway, I'm 34!