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Law Enforcement families? - Page 4

post #61 of 89
Hey y'all!

Dh is in his FTO period now. He absolutely hates day shift. I'm worried it's really burning him out but at least he only has 5 more days of it after today. I can't wait for March and he gets on nights. The evening shift have already wants him back so hopefully they can get him a spot once FTO is over.

I don't really worry about the kids. My oldest (almost 5) is voicing some opinion to being a police officer. A couple months ago he didn't want to be a cop but he wanted a taser. Haha! If they want to go military (which I'm sure one of them will) or law enforcement, I just want them to be happy. I may panic on the inside though.

How does your DH (or how do you KTDad) carry his off duty gun, or does he carry it at all? My DH will not leave the house without his gun and I understand his reason. It's a bit weird to get used to but whatever. It doesn't bother me and the kids don't really even notice anymore.

Usually he has it concealed but last Wednesday the shirt he was wearing really didn't allow that so we walked around the zoo with his badge and gun on his belt, out in the open. More then a few people did more then glance at it. I worry that it makes other people uncomfortable, especially with all the kids running around. I don't know, ya know how some people feel about guns and police officer or not, they don't want them in that close of proximity of their little ones.

Just wondering how it works with other officers with concealing vs open view. Everything is so new and y'all are the only "veteran" people I have to ask.
post #62 of 89
My DH quit carrying concealed a long time ago--it was about the same time I talked him out of the fanny pack! I couldn't handle the fanny pack and he couldn't think of any other way to conceal it. I don't think he misses it at all anyway.

So how's everyone faring through the economic troubles? DH's department is definitely taking a hit--they were just told FTOs cannot get any overtime for the training periods. It was super-low anyway, five hours per week for a three-week period, and now they won't even let them do that. Sadly, this does not mean DH won't be working overtime; it'll just mean he's not getting paid for it. :
post #63 of 89
I just saw this tribe and wanted to say hi! My name is Shaunda and my DH has been a Police officer for a few years now. He was a jailer before that. It is definitely hard sometimes with the shift. I don't see him at all on Monday-Wednesday because I work 1030a-400p and he works 200pm-1040pm. I hate that I don't see him and that he works funky hours and misses all holidays. But at least I know there are others out there like me that have to deal with this.
post #64 of 89
Hi, Shaunda! Glad to see you here.
post #65 of 89
Thank you! I'm glad to be here and talk to others like me!!
post #66 of 89
How's everyone doing with the recent police shootings in Oakland and Pittsburgh? DH is being safer (not that he wasn't already, but even more so now on "routine calls"). I'm not too bothered, I suppose. His job is so dangerous already that I guess I'm mentally prepared as well as I can be. Whatever is mean to be. Still sucks big time. My heart and prayers go out to their poor families.

post #67 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
His job is so dangerous already that I guess I'm mentally prepared as well as I can be. Whatever is mean to be. Still sucks big time. My heart and prayers go out to their poor families.

:

post #68 of 89
The Pittsburgh shooting made me more aware of how the dispatchers can make deadly mistakes. The woman who took the call asked if there were weapons in the house, the mother said yes, but the information was not given to the officers. They didn't stand a chance with that guy and he was wearing a bullet proof vest so unfortunately, he survived.

It is a dangerous job, but I still feel that DH is safer here than in Iraq.

for the families
post #69 of 89
How do you handle people threatening your LEO?

DH arrested a guy last night for suspended license and his wife was arrested by another officer for public intoxication. The guy went ballistic on DH but he was sober. I listend to the audio from the tape. He threatened to kill DH as well as many other violent and explicit threats toward me and our kids. I looked him up on myspace and saw his picture.

Normally, I would not think twice about it because we live a good distance from where DH works. This couple lives 1 mile from DD's school and 6 miles from our house. We have a travel trailer stored around the corner from them at a friend's house. DD's teacher just moved to that neighborhood and I told her what happened too. I am going to find out if they have kids that go to the school. Sometimes DH will drop off/pick up DD in his uniform. I don't want him to be recognised and make the connection to our daughter.

We live in a gated community, but I am considering activating our alarm system. When DH started carrying, some nutjob was driving all crazy, stopped at a green light and came towards our car b/c he said DH cut him off. I was glad DH had a gun that day and now it goes everywhere with us.

I don't think there is anything else I can do but it rattled DH and of course that affected me. Job security I guess...there are losers everywhere. :
post #70 of 89
It is extremely understandable why threats against your husband would be troubling both to you and him. I have been threatened too and my wife and son always pop into my mind at those times.

The only consolation is that threats are almost always just big talk and when the idiots have cooled off a little, they realize that messing with an officer or their family is the very last thing they will do in their lives. Bad guys dont generally fare well after doing something to one of us (and you and your children are included in "us").

For the sake of good practice, always be aware of your surroundings and don't be afraid or embarrassed to act on your instincts. You might feel silly waiting in your car for a strange person to get further down the street before you get out, but hey...seems worth it.

Lastly, thank your hubby for carrying concealed. It is an annoying, cumbersome, and tiring thing to do but it shows he takes safety seriously. Or he just likes his toy...
post #71 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by KTDad View Post
The only consolation is that threats are almost always just big talk and when the idiots have cooled off a little, they realize that messing with an officer or their family is the very last thing they will do in their lives. Bad guys dont generally fare well after doing something to one of us (and you and your children are included in "us").

This is basically what dd's dad said when I asked him about the threat question last night. He said most times it is just someone talking crap--but if it's someone who's remotely serious and/or capable of following through with a threat to a LEO or his family, the bad guy is taken aside and given a "tune up" And that's the way it should be.

OP, I think your DH also needs to stop picking the kids up in his uniform. It doesn't seem safe and it will make your kids a target--either for bad guys or for other kids to pick on them.

DD's dad always has a gun on him. Always. Sometimes 2. (And he carries oozies and all other sorts of big guns in his trunk....he loves his toys though!). I'm surprised by how many of his co-workers don't carry off duty--though more are starting too with all the recent shootings. He pays attention to his surroundings. He glances at the people in a restaurant before we get a table to see if he notices any people he's arrested. If he does, we go somewhere else.

Things are different when you're a cop or cop's family. Our kids (he has 2 boys and our daughter) are extremely sheltered--no sleep overs, and his boys (teens) have only been to a couple of (well investigated) friend's homes. People give me crap about being ultra paranoid with my daughter....but things are just different for LEO's/family, IMO. They are for us, anyway.

GL with everything, onlygirls
post #72 of 89
Update: He posted $10,000 bail and already has a prior conviction for retaliation. We talked to a prosecutor who lives in our neighborhood and he will see who is working on the case. Hopefully the scumbag will go to prison for this since he has prior felonies.

Surprisingly, there are a lot of cops around here. 3 live on one street in our subdivision. There is a program called DOGS (Dads of Great Students) where the guys come to the school to volunteer since it is usually the Moms doing everything. There is a K9 cop who is there on a regular basis. DH has been at school for career day. He picks DD up in uniform because he has to leave for work right after she comes home and if he doesn't pick her up from school, he will not see her at all. I would like to think our school is safer for having a police presence all the time, but you never know who is watching.
post #73 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
This is basically what dd's dad said when I asked him about the threat question last night. He said most times it is just someone talking crap--but if it's someone who's remotely serious and/or capable of following through with a threat to a LEO or his family, the bad guy is taken aside and given a "tune up" And that's the way it should be.
I don't mean to be harsh, but that's one of the reasons why LEOs have bad reps. Giving someone a "tune-up" because they were using their right to free speech is horrid. When someone talks crap or makes threats, it's not okay for a civilian to touch them so why should the badge make it acceptable? That's an abuse of power and I hate to even see it mentioned.

onlygirls - I've been there. DH works a bad area (it's a 45 min. drive from us) during the graveyard shift so he gets all the crazies. A good number of them make threats to him and myself and our children but it's just them putting on a show. I'm thankful my DH doesn't compromise his morals and stoop down to their level. He usually just laughs at them.

As for your DD, if uncomfortable, can you both pick her up and you run in to get her? That sucks to fear for our children.
post #74 of 89
We pick her up in the car line. Today DH had to get ready for work and I picked her up. As soon as we pulled into the garage, he gave her a kiss goodbye and left. He took a couple days off, so she has spent time with him this week. If not, she would have been so sad when he left. It is important to us that he spends time with her asking about her day, etc. Next week he is going to a different unit and we are excited about that. Take home car.

I know people get threats on a regular basis, but I think if you have a bad feeling, go with your gut. This guy threatened to sodomize my children and shoot them in the head. He was sober. He lives close so, it is possible that we would see him at the grocery store or going out to dinner. We are taking it seriously enough to have our alarm system activated. When we built our house I said we didn't need to activate it because we live in a gated community.

We talked to one of DH's coworkers and I said that my friend told me to get a gun. He couldn't believe that I didn't have one already. Not related to this incident, but as a LEO wife. I didn't plan on it but I can see the appeal with a spouse working at night. This is all new to me.
post #75 of 89
Bumping this...is this tribe still around?

DH is a cop and I'm a dispatcher and we've both been doing this for some years, and have been married for five. We don't have kids and are on the fence about having them. I have been going back and forth for years, DH is just going with the flow. I am nearing 30 and he's nearing 35 and the topic of kids has been back on my mind after being on the back burner for a while. I have posted on LEO forums, child free forums, and now parenting forums and I guess I am just researching my options, so to speak. One huge thing stopping me is simply the horrors of the world. Sometimes I wonder "why bother?" Part of my thinks having a child could be wonderful but after what I see and deal with every day I can't find the optimism I know I'd need to be a halfway decent mother. How do you guys handle the crap that comes with the job, and how do you overlook it and see enough good in the world to put on a happy face for your kids?
post #76 of 89
Ellah, I responded to your post about "baby junk" and then saw that you'd posted this one. Although dh and I are not involved in law enforcement, I think that I can offer an answer to this: it does children a disservice in the long run to raise them to be too naive about the world, so I think law enforcement parents are in a good position to be excellent parents. Children need home to be a safe haven, so protecting that for them would be important. But you won't have to pretend like everything is peachy everywhere -- you can be surprisingly honest with kids without turning them into freaks.

My ex-stepdad was a cop and he had trouble with his own psychological health, which meant that he brought his PTSD home with him and didn't handle his kids very well (I only knew him as an adult but he told me about his first family and mistakes he made with them, and his job obviously interfered with his whole life.) If you feel that either you or DH is emotionally affected by your work enough that having the volatility of a child in the house might be too much for either of you, consider dealing with that first before having children.

But in terms of dealing with the generally crappy state of the world, you may find that having a child will itself give you some optimism and a new sense of purpose that will help you cope better with your job. And even if you love your job (I also work and really enjoy what I do), you'll probably find that your priorities shift a lot if you do have a child and the job won't be as emotionally central as it is to you now.

Here's one other idea that may sound off-the-wall, but I think that limiting TV in the home or not having it at all is one way to protect kids from the trauma of all the "ick" out there before they're ready to handle it. My kids rarely watch TV but we read the news and talk all the time about significant events. I just think the lack of sensational video input is the reason they don't get nightmares or have ungrounded fears. That said, they're not naive. My older dd was stalked recently on her way home from school and realized right away what was going on and how to protect herself. But she never panicked, perhaps in part because her mind wasn't full of horrifying, gratuitous images of what might happen. (I was very proud of her, and of us, for giving her the right tools.)
post #77 of 89
Wow, I've not been here in a few yrs. Glad to see some still here & new ones !
anyone on FB?
post #78 of 89
LEO family here to....
post #79 of 89
Just bumping this thread because I was wondering who else needs support right now. The last 2 shootings (in Seattle, WA and Lakewood, WA) hit very close to home. The Lakewood shooting took place in my DH's jurisdiction one hour after he got off work and involved a very close friend - DH's partner's brother-in-law/best friend. I'm just so numb right now with DH working overtime but at last we can start the healing now. The memorial is set for Tuesday and I can't begin to wrap my head around it. Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
post #80 of 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
Just bumping this thread because I was wondering who else needs support right now. The last 2 shootings (in Seattle, WA and Lakewood, WA) hit very close to home. The Lakewood shooting took place in my DH's jurisdiction one hour after he got off work and involved a very close friend - DH's partner's brother-in-law/best friend. I'm just so numb right now with DH working overtime but at last we can start the healing now. The memorial is set for Tuesday and I can't begin to wrap my head around it. Has anyone else ever been in this situation?


Oh, my, I am so sorry to read this. I was sorry to read it in the news, of course, but I am sorry to hear that you knew the people involved personally.

You (and they) are in my thoughts and prayers. You've always been so nice to me on these boards, over and over again, that I couldn't help from posting.

Take good care of yourself, and hug your husband and kids. Life is precious.

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